Roll Call 184

I’m really just not having a good day.

I swear it’s always something

And I always continually feel like a burden to everyyyyone around me. That’s why I just wanna isolate from people. I really do. I always gotta hear it from my parents or my friends never have time for me due to their personal lives, fiancé is like a loner, and I’m just done.

Not only can I never do anything right... idk it’s always something. Always someone getting mad at me for how I’m living my life. I don’t understand what I’m doing so wrong other than maybe financial issues.

Like my moms always on my butt about my weight and health and my dad comes over and he’s like “you need to clean more and clean better. Men don’t like a dirty house”. And so much more of the comments from my mom about my weight, health, my money situation, my religious beliefs even tho they are the same as hers basically, like a shyt ton of stuff. And then my dad, I love him to death, but I gotta hear about how “men don’t like when women...” this and that and this and that. I feel so fckn inadequate as a woman and a person. But I know he’s had relationship troubles his whole life and he doesn’t want me to get hurt by a man/person/anyone. Idk.

Fiancé is always stressed out and doesn’t talk much.

My friends are stressed to hell right now. SP and Door.

I can’t see my therapist cuz I’m starting this job and she has no openings for me right now for a long while.

Like I’m so fckn sad and torn, mentally.

Like please someone help rescue me from life. Fckkk.

I’m stressed out too right now. I try my best to balance between doing what I need to do and self care. What I do is to take a few breaks each day. Set an alarm for 1-2 hours and until the alarm rings I forbid myself to think about heavy stuff and do a self care instead. My self care list:


Exercise is too much for me at the moment so I just take a short walk around the neighborhood.

Paint something simple that doesn’t require me to sit for hours trying to get it right.

Massaging myself with a massage oil. Then take a shower and wash my hair. Put on lotion and wear a comfortable clothes after that.

Play a simple game on my phone.

Watch funny animal videos or fun music concerts.

Play with my cats.

Order my favorite food (I just bought a cake today)

Decorate my room with flowers and aromatherapy is on almost all the time

And the last one I don’t recommend because it’s just me being weird, but I like doing chores. The smell of soap when doing dishes. Seeing my clothes are folded or hung up nicely in my closet. The feel of squeaky clean floor on my soles after I sweep and mop it. Etc. When I feel like I don’t have any control about things that happen in my life, I control my surroundings by doing all these chores. It gives me a sense of relief because there are at least things that I can control.


I don’t know if this will help you but stay strong, we got this

I hope it’s not the abilify doing this to me, the not sleeping and spending ridiculous amounts of money

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I’m stressed out too right now. I try my best to balance between doing what I need to do and self care. What I do is to take a few breaks each day. Set an alarm for 1-2 hours and until the alarm rings I forbid myself to think about heavy stuff and do a self care instead. My self care list:

Exercise is too much for me at the moment so I just take a short walk around the neighborhood.
Paint something simple that doesn’t require me to sit for hours trying to get it right.
Massaging myself with a massage oil. Then take a shower and wash my hair. Put on lotion and wear a comfortable clothes after that.
Play a simple game on my phone.
Watch funny animal videos or fun music concerts.
Play with my cats.
Order my favorite food (I just bought a cake today)
Decorate my room with flowers and aromatherapy is on almost all the time
And the last one I don’t recommend because it’s just me being weird, but I like doing chores. The smell of soap when doing dishes. Seeing my clothes are folded or hung up nicely in my closet. The feel of squeaky clean floor on my soles after I sweep and mop it. Etc. When I feel like I don’t have any control about things that happen in my life, I control my surroundings by doing all these chores. It gives me a sense of relief because there are at least things that I can control.

I don’t know if this will help you but stay strong, we got this

I like that. Idk why but I like it so much

That’s an excellent idea I’ve never set a timer for self care or even thought about setting one but it’s just as Important so why not?

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What is everyone up to today???

I feel talkative.

I'm gonna sit in the living room where it's brighter and make a list of thingz to do..

I'm not feeling very talkative - I think it's the AP's.

I took some phenibut and kratom so maybe my mood will lift.

I thought you were considering quitting phenibut and kratom?

I don't remember why I said that. I don't even know what phenibut and kratom do for me - Maybe that's why. But I continue to do it to distract myself.

I have a lack of meaning in my life. I'm very lost. The executive dysfunction makes it so I can't do anything. I was feeling better last week but now I'm going downhill.

Edit: Well not really.. idk.. I see no problem other than the fact that I have no opinions or sense of self. I'm completely fine I think.

What is everyone up to today???

I feel talkative.

Also there's some book Arianna Huffington wrote about sleep. It might be an autobiography or something - I haven't read it - but I think it talks about sleep. If you're interested, check out articles and/or books on sleep.

What happens when get get to rollcall 1000? Do we begin Rollcall 1a and start over? =)