Roll Call 187

newtus · Aug 27, 2021 at 01:19 PM

Thanks so much guys!!!!!!!

newtus · Aug 27, 2021 at 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

The IOP called me. They said they want me to do an in person (not virtual) IOP because of the hallucinations. But theirs is too far away. So their referral team is going to reach out to me in 24 to 48 hours to see what they find. I doubt they find anything close to me that will work. I live in a remote area. We have one hospital that is leaving us within the next couple of years (It isn't earthquake safe). And everything else is like an hour and a half away one way. So it looks like an IOP won't work. I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping to have more care.

That’s so horrible. I’m so sorry.

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 27, 2021 at 02:47 PM

So I just missed a therapy appointment because I was painting....doh! I feel like an Idiot but I just don’t get my normal level of anxiety about online appointments so I forget entirely.

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newtus · Aug 27, 2021 at 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

So I just missed a therapy appointment because I was painting....doh! I feel like an Idiot but I just don’t get my normal level of anxiety about online appointments so I forget entirely.

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Is that not therapy in itself?

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 27, 2021 at 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Is that not therapy in itself?

It’s true and I’m doing super well right now so that contributed to it....like it’s one thing to have a desperate need and be awaiting it and another to just do it as a placeholder.

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SlumberKitty · Aug 27, 2021 at 03:27 PM

The IOP place sent me two possible referrals. Yeah. Not looking very good. One is in Central Valley (I live in Southern CA!!!) We're talking 5 hours away. The other one is in Orange/Los Angeles County--so closer but still 2.5 or 3 hours away. Sigh. One of them talks about their virtual options so I am somewhat hopeful for that but these referrals are a joke. (I've moved from frustration to irritation!)

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 27, 2021 at 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

The IOP place sent me two possible referrals. Yeah. Not looking very good. One is in Central Valley (I live in Southern CA!!!) We're talking 5 hours away. The other one is in Orange/Los Angeles County--so closer but still 2.5 or 3 hours away. Sigh. One of them talks about their virtual options so I am somewhat hopeful for that but these referrals are a joke. (I've moved from frustration to irritation!)

It’s super difficult to get help right now due to covid basically blowing up both the physical and mental health fields. I’ve been an a waitlist for a “real” therapist for months.

SlumberKitty · Aug 27, 2021 at 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

It’s super difficult to get help right now due to covid basically blowing up both the physical and mental health fields. I’ve been an a waitlist for a “real” therapist for months.

Sorry SP that you've been wait listed for months.

I'm just so tired of trying to be my own best advocate and get the best care that I can and when I did find a place they wouldn't take me. I just can't fight anymore.

I did call one of the places on her list and I emailed the other one. I'm not at all hopeful anymore.

One of the websites said, "There's always another option. We're here to help." Such bull crap. I don't believe it anymore.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry (if I could cry). And because I was open with my boss about this process she's pushing me to try to get the other one who rejected me to let me in anyway. I don't know if I know how to do that.

I.just.can't.do.it.anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. I'm stuck with T and Pdoc and Kayla for however long she will keep me in the program and I'll just have to suck it up and make do. If I end up in the hospital, well, no one can say I didn't try.

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 27, 2021 at 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Sorry SP that you've been wait listed for months.

I'm just so tired of trying to be my own best advocate and get the best care that I can and when I did find a place they wouldn't take me. I just can't fight anymore.

I did call one of the places on her list and I emailed the other one. I'm not at all hopeful anymore.

One of the websites said, "There's always another option. We're here to help." Such bull crap. I don't believe it anymore.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry (if I could cry). And because I was open with my boss about this process she's pushing me to try to get the other one who rejected me to let me in anyway. I don't know if I know how to do that.

I.just.can't.do.it.anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. I'm stuck with T and Pdoc and Kayla for however long she will keep me in the program and I'll just have to suck it up and make do. If I end up in the hospital, well, no one can say I didn't try.

I totally get it...I mean I had to call multiple Ts. This was right when my mom passed away, it was overwhelming. You always have us. Please talk to us.

unsure123 · Aug 27, 2021 at 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Sorry SP that you've been wait listed for months.

I'm just so tired of trying to be my own best advocate and get the best care that I can and when I did find a place they wouldn't take me. I just can't fight anymore.

I did call one of the places on her list and I emailed the other one. I'm not at all hopeful anymore.

One of the websites said, "There's always another option. We're here to help." Such bull crap. I don't believe it anymore.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry (if I could cry). And because I was open with my boss about this process she's pushing me to try to get the other one who rejected me to let me in anyway. I don't know if I know how to do that.

I.just.can't.do.it.anymore. I'm done. Done. Done. I'm stuck with T and Pdoc and Kayla for however long she will keep me in the program and I'll just have to suck it up and make do. If I end up in the hospital, well, no one can say I didn't try.

Hugs Kit.

SlumberKitty · Aug 27, 2021 at 04:14 PM

Thanks SP! Thanks unsure123. I'm so glad I have you guys. At least someone in the world understands what I am going through.

I see pdoc on the 1st. Maybe he can do something. I've been suicidal part of each week for IDK how long. Maybe a month. Maybe I need to talk to my parents tonight. Like REALLY talk to them and lay it all out there. I can't do it on my own.

On the bright side, tomorrow I volunteer at the food distribution at Church. I bought food for four families and then I will help distribute all the food that was donated. Plus my friend Crystal will be there. It's always fun hanging out with her. I have a book for her. My sissy sent me the book but I already had it so I am going to give the new one to Crystal.

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 27, 2021 at 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Thanks SP! Thanks unsure123. I'm so glad I have you guys. At least someone in the world understands what I am going through.

I see pdoc on the 1st. Maybe he can do something. I've been suicidal part of each week for IDK how long. Maybe a month. Maybe I need to talk to my parents tonight. Like REALLY talk to them and lay it all out there. I can't do it on my own.

On the bright side, tomorrow I volunteer at the food distribution at Church. I bought food for four families and then I will help distribute all the food that was donated. Plus my friend Crystal will be there. It's always fun hanging out with her. I have a book for her. My sissy sent me the book but I already had it so I am going to give the new one to Crystal.

I’m going to recommend a book I’m reading called think like a monk....it’s about fixing stuff that’s broken like inconsistencies between your actions and your values that can cause illness. It was really interesting too about surrounding yourself with people you want to be like, although that’s a more common thought. It’s not religious or anything but the guy went to India became a monk and now lives in LA and promotes some of the techniques he learned.

Blue_Bird · Aug 27, 2021 at 06:01 PM

I’m so ****ing agitated and I

Possible trigger:

want to punch myself in the face or die because I’m angry and absolutely disgusted with myself for gaining weight

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Desoxyn · Aug 27, 2021 at 07:47 PM

I was lying down and mom wanted to sell her bed so she put it on buy and sell and the two guys (My age) walked into the old house and took it. I walked to the place as he was carrying the last thing out. He seemed to want to talk to me but I feel like a robot.

I got a weird vibe from them and felt suspicious but I was tired and felt zero motivation - Maybe from weed and mush. He gave me 25 dollars to bring the bed up to his place which took 2 minutes so then he offered me a beer and I said no thanks and left. My mom phoned me a few minutes after that and was mad that they didn't wait and that they took the bed themselves.

I wasn't in the mood or feeling like myself to talk to these hippies. I really don't feel like making any friends lately for some reason either. My thoughts are too disorganized and my memory is horrible. I put a 0.25mg clonazepam and 5mg Dexedrine under my tongue cuz I need to get out of this brain fog..

Blue_Bird · 08:52 PM

I'm reading through posts on the subreddit GetDisciplined , reading advice. About how you have to push through the resistance to doing things you don't feel like doing. Like exercise, cleaning, etc. It's the only way to build better self discipline/better habits, I need to do that

I'm listening/watching videos compilations about different haunted locations around the world. Right now it's on Haunted US Colleges pt. 1. I have my fidget/tangle toy thing I'm playing with and have some vanilla apricot scented wax melting. I don't know if I believe in ghosts or not but I like watching stuff about it

Blue_Bird · Aug 27, 2021 at 08:57 PM

I'm getting stressed out and agitated again. I might have to take one of my klonopin. It's been at least 2-3 weeks since I've taken one

Okay, took one. Now I'm under my weighted blanket. I'm hoping it helps because I keep getting the urge to punch something

Blue_Bird · Aug 28, 2021 at 09:59 AM

My sister is picking me up to go over to her place on Sunday.

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Blue_Bird · Aug 28, 2021 at 10:29 AM

I want to go to mass again because I miss it but I probably won’t be going to church for at least another few years or until this Covid is ever under control if it ever is, which is probably unlikely to ever happen to be honest. It’s not getting better and probably never will. It will only get worse until we’re all dead because too many people refuse to get vaccinated.

At least I can watch mass online.

I hate when people make fun of other peoples faith. It makes me so mad.

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Desoxyn · Aug 28, 2021 at 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I want to go to mass again because I miss it but I probably won’t be going to church for at least another few years or until this Covid is ever under control if it ever is, which is probably unlikely to ever happen to be honest. It’s not getting better and probably never will. It will only get worse until we’re all dead because too many people refuse to get vaccinated.

At least I can watch mass online.

I hate when people make fun of other peoples faith. It makes me so mad.

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The billionaires want us to be Godless machines

Desoxyn · Aug 28, 2021 at 03:53 PM

Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, but don't stop moving
Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, you can do this

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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Aug 27, 2021 at 01:19 PM #221 Thanks so much guys!!!!!!! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,409 (SuperPoster!) 10 22.8k hugs given	Aug 27, 2021 at 02:47 PM #223 So I just missed a therapy appointment because I was painting....doh! I feel like an Idiot but I just don’t get my normal level of anxiety about online appointments so I forget entirely. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,749 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Aug 28, 2021 at 09:59 AM #237 My sister is picking me up to go over to her place on Sunday. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,989 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Aug 28, 2021 at 03:53 PM #240 Go, go, go Figure it out, figure it out, but don't stop moving Go, go, go Figure it out, figure it out, you can do this