Roll Call 187

I can relate to this. Thoughts all over the place, can't talk in a way other's understand but can write most of the time, yup.

I have 2 appointments tomorrow, one to get my abilify injection, and one is a video appointment w/ my therapist. And I have to walk to CVS to pick up some of my meds.

I slept too late today to get a walk-in dentist cleaning appointment today, you have to call by 8:30am to see if they have anything available for the day. So I’ll try again Wednesday , Thursday, and Friday and hopefully one of those days I get an appointment.

Sat outside for awhile today and read

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Did 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill today, super proud of myself, because I didn’t feel like doing it but I pushed myself to do it anyway. Trying to make this a habit

I think I can lose weight if I keep up with the exercising. I'm 157 lbs at the moment, I'm hoping to get back down to around 115-120 lbs

A different IOP that I called called me back. They are doing an insurance verification right now. Thing is I don't know what days or times the virtual IOP is so if it is in the middle of the day or something, that won't work for me. I'm hoping it's like 3 to 6 or 4 to 7 or something like that. I have to do the intake in person though. It's a couple of hours away but I could do that for one day. Just take a sick day. At least I don't feel (yet) like all hope is lost!

Got my cat Amelia a vet appointment. Thing is she has been staying outside because she doesn't like Helen so I am scared it is going to be hard to "catch" her. We'll see. All I can do is hope. She's a hard one to catch anyway.

I feel euphoric from the exercise

Got an intake appointment for Friday for the IOP. It's in a city a couple of hours away but it's at like 10 so hopefully traffic won't be horrendous!

The way my thoughts are lately have been unusual for me

"Indecisiveness and fear of making the wrong decision. Inability to set aside or let go of a worry. Inability to relax, feeling restless, and feeling keyed up or on edge. Difficulty concentrating, or the feeling that your mind "goes blank""

Have a headache, waiting for ibuprofen to work

Might have some coffee

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I set up an appointment with a new psychiatrist. My plan with my old one just wasn't working. I probably sound like a broken record.

Also I don't really want to disclose to my parents anything related to my mental health anymore, even though they've helped me in the past. Is that a bad thing? I just don't want them to know all the ins and outs of it anymore.

I felt bad so I took a double shot of rum and now I still feel bad.

But now I feel bad, differently..

Ah, now I'm doubting my decision to have made an appointment with a new pdoc. Ugh. What is wrong with me?

Can't I just stick to something for once?

I'm glad you got an appointment!

The IOP I did earlier this year was virtual and it was helpful. Hope it works out for you, too.

I’m sorry I struggle with indecisiveness as well

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Headache went away. Read for an hour. Now I’m just listening to music and enjoying feeling really good. I don’t think I’m gonna get any sleep tonight because I have to be up super early to get to my appointment for my abilify injection. It’s 11pm now. I know I’ll be worn out after tomorrow because I have a super busy/active day, so I’ll be able to sleep good tomorrow night and sleep in Wednesday morning

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I feel so depressed last week or two. Probably have perinatal depression.

I keep thinking about my whole life and I’m wondering if this was all a huge mistake.

I remember two things that John McAfee said which was "If you don't want to keep doing something, just ****ing STOP. It's that simple" and the most important is, "Follow your heart" like even if you end up in jail, it doesn't matter when you've followed your heart.....

So follow your heart!

Oh and the third thing "If you have half a brain and two hands, you can do anything..."

He was insane cuz he snorted a whole bag of DMT but a good type of insane I think..

I feel 15x better. I made a list of important things. I'll go to sleep and finish it tomorrow. Good night <3

I have zero motivation and I think it’s that anti-nausea med i was given.

I also cannot sleep tonight.

Just got my abilify injection. Waiting on my ride to go home. Then gonna walk to CVS to pick up my meds.

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