Roll Call 187

Miss you @newtus

I’m still waiting to hear back from the vocational rehabilitation program. My care manager said it could take a couple months. Hopefully by November I hear something.

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I’ve been pretty stable on the abilify injection and my other meds.

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Trying to decide if I want to get a shower tonight or tomorrow morning. UGH.

If you take it tonight you can sleep in a little later maybe I tend to always take my showers at night because by the morning I usually don’t feel like it

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I can’t wait to carve a pumpkin next month. I can’t put a candle in it because we can’t have open flames in our apartments. But maybe I can find some sort of light to put in it. I’m going to try to find one of those carving kits, not for the tools because they’re crap but for the carving patterns. I’m not sure what I want to do yet. I don’t know why but I didn’t carve one last year, that was the first year of my life I didn’t.

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Get an led tea light...dollar tree sells them.

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My avolition is so bad

Avolition: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

"Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure, which can lead to a lack of motivation"

I do feel pleasure from things now because I self medicated with ~50 different chems but after not doing anything for a long time, idk what to do.. I don't feel like wasting time so I try to plan etc.. not completely mindless things. But that burns me out.

Trying to pass the time until my appointment at 8:40am, it's 12am now

Can't focus on anything. Nervous about my appointment and some other things. Have 6 tabs open in my browser, a video playing and I'm listening to music

In the waiting room, it’s 9. My appointment is at 9:40

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So he prescribed famotidine for the acid reflux, 2 times a day. And he is going to prescribe Xulane the birth control patch (I’ve been on that one before) ,the only issue was they needed me to pee so they can make sure a pregnancy test is negative in order for them to prescribe it but I couldn’t pee so they gave me the sample cup and specimen bag to do it on my own time and take it over to the hospital when I can to their lab then he’ll get the results faxed to him and prescribe the xulane for me. They also gave me my flu shot while I was there. He’s really cool. He’s a hipster. He was showing me this Halloween decoration he wants to get while we were waiting on me to have to go to the bathroom (they gave me some water, but I still ended up not being able to go)

CVS already has my famotidine ready. I have a followup phone visit with him in 4 weeks then a physical with him in early November.

They also said my blood pressure was good. My heart rate was really high but it was because I was super anxious

He said if the famotidine doesn’t work we can try omeoprazole

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The acid reflux med is only a 50 cent copay which is nice. All of my psych meds are free but I figured this one and the xulane will probably have a copay, but it’s not much so it’s okay.

It figures that I couldn’t go there but the second I got home I really had to pee. I just wasn’t expecting to be put on the spot like that I guess. I totally forgot that they need a negative pregnancy test in order to prescribe BC

My psychiatrist said hi to me while I was there (they work in the same office, so does my therapist)

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I’m so glad I have a good primary care doctor now. I didn’t even have one for the longest time because the other place I went, the doctors changed constantly and it was really frustrating and they were always extremely busy. So I just never went

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Going to get pizza, cheesecake and a soda tomorrow

I was thinking of having a 4oz glass of wine sunday night. I'm not sure though. I read that famotadine can increase blood alcohol level

Pizza and cheesecake sounds good Blue_Bird. I'm glad your Dr. appointment went well and that you were able to get your flu shot. I can usually go to the bathroom on demand but sometimes the pressure of having to go when you don't have to go is pretty tough to deal with. Hope you can get the BC soon. HUGS Kit.

Thanks Desoxyn for the psychosocial education! I didn't know about that but I think my avolition is pretty low too at the moment. I think it is hard for people who don't have SZ or SZA to get. Like my IOP therapist didn't seem to "get" how getting a shower can be hard. She's like, you just have to do it. Well, no, actually I don't have to do it. I can go without it. She did say to make it fun. Like get good smelling stuff to use and that kind of stuff but I think she was still mystified. I hope you feel better soon Des.

I got triggered when the nurse was reading my weight on the scale today at my doctor appointment. I’m only technically 10 lbs overweight on the bmi scale for my height but it really screwed me up. I know I’m doing well physically, I’m healthy, don’t have high blood pressure etc but I spent the whole day restricting, looking up weight loss progress pics on reddit, and obsessing about how long I think it will take me to get to a certain weight. until I got lightheaded and had to make myself eat.

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I weigh 155lbs and I feel like I won’t be satisfied until I’m around 110-115 lbs. it makes me hate myself and feel disgusted

I’m almost ready to go off the abilify injection just to lose the 10 lbs I gained the first few months of starting it

Why do I feel this way towards myself. I don’t see anyone who’s overweight as being bad or anything but I feel absolute hatred toward myself for it.

I might have to reset my 9 day streak on my app tracking my recovery because of today

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I feel like if I even let my guard down a little and stop obsessing I’ll gain a bunch of weight

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