Roll Call 189

Took a shower today for the 2nd day in a row. That's a record for me. I missed group, ended up falling asleep. But I'll go to the next one at the end of January.

Played Zelda: Breath of the Wild for awhile and died a bunch of times.

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Gorgeous SP! Thanks for sharing!

Ugh. I was going to take my Dad to the Rams game on Sunday. I've had the tickets since September. Now the game got postponed until Tuesday (the same day as my jury service) and now the game is at 4 instead of 1. I don't even know if it will stay on Tuesday or if the Rams will still have too many people out with Covid. I got my Covid test so I could go to the game but I don't know if I will get the results too soon for it to count for Tuesday's game. And now I am definitely going to have to take time off work. I called my Dad and let him know what was up. So far they are not refunding tickets. They transferred them to the new game. It's supposed to be my Dad's Christmas present. I talked to him on the phone. I hope he is not disappointed. We will still try to go but I don't know how this is all going to work out. We have been looking forward to the game for three months. Sigh. I'm disappointed.

I keep planning to read but I never do

Watching The Witcher on Netflix

I slept for a few hours.

I wish so badly that I didn't exist.

I'm gonna stay up all night

Stayed up for 2 hours then fell asleep. Woke up, another day of work is done.

I think one of my main problems is that I'm so isolated and have no input from people about ideas - Or just to even talk ffs. I talk to no one.

All I do is post here and talk to research chemical friends.

I'll try and make an effort today to figure things out. I'm not giving up yet.

I had a good vape just before, which I'm grateful for considering these lousy nurses won't give me my inhaler. I'm so angry at them I could do things worse than the trigger brackets can hold.

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It’s a rainy/snowy night and I’m just relaxing with the cat, reading, drinking coffee, and listening to Christmas music

I baked pumpkin bread earlier. My sister is stopping by tomorrow to drop off some chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I’m going to give her half of the pumpkin bread.

I feel kinda down today. I didn't do much. Anyway, work is kind of exhausting during the week for sure.

Need to sleep

Antipsychotic death

How is everyone? =]

I can't focus today. Even when I read, I can't comprehend what I'm reading.

Nvm.. It's cuz I took too much phenibut.

I still miss my vacation in Guatemala. I'm listening to songs that I listened to while I was there. It's nostalgic.

My dad and sister will visit this week. I think I'm OK mentally to do things with them and talk etc.. It'll be good.

It's bright and sunny in here now. They haven't filled the Coke machine and I'm worried about running out.

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Practicing ukulele

Having a panic attack

Hugs bluebird....I noticed for me having others around helps me with anxiety a lot.

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It’s weird in this time between classes...I feel super quiet and alone, of course I’ve lost two family members and have few friends left. I’m not sure how to fix this during covid times.

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That does seem to help, I need to get outside or sit in the lobby where there's people. I'm supposed to be hanging out with my friend on Wednesday.

I just took a klonopin. It was 14 days without one.

I went to coffee connections to talk to people. My cognition is so bad that I feel anxious and can't talk - I lose my train of thought. I don't feel social at all.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

What Is Wrong With Me: 12 Ways to Get On Track - Declutter The Mind

This helped a little.