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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#1
Have at it!
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! |
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Atypical_Disaster, Blue_Bird, Desoxyn, downandlonely, Job 30 26, SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
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7 4,923 hugs
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#2
I got levodopa at the healthfood store
Common and Rare Side Effects for L-Dopa oral The side effects are so bad that I might take it back. I have a chair that arrived so I assembled it, moved my bed and stuff around. Now I'm sitting here, paranoid about people seeing through my window. I smoked weed 3 times yesterday and I cried with my mom - Although I wasn't sure if I should cry, laugh or get angry/apathetic or anxious. She said "See it's the weed" - But this isn't the first time this happened. I wasn't able to make eye contact and was wringing my hands, shaking. I took clonazepam, woke up still feeling agitated. I think about what happened in isolation/the basement and I feel like it DEFINES me. It probably does. I can't shake the feeling and I can't stop thinking about this regret so much that I want to kms - And I told her. She seriously asked me if I needed to get help (Go to the psych ward) and I said NO. All of the healthcare workers are exhausted and psychiatrists are assholes. They'd take away the stimulant (As usual), give it back and change meds etc, put me on an SSRI. Lord help me. But this morning I felt better, took the Vyvanse (Which I skipped yesterday - Felt a lack of dopamine-weirdness/pain). I took phenibut. Slight self medicating will work for now. I'm stunned by everything moved around - All of my interests that I procrastinate... the video chat people/sociopath soldiers and what they said. My self-esteem is at a complete low. |
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Blue_Bird, downandlonely, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given |
#3
Idk if I'm even serious or not.
Edit: I shut the blinds. It'll do for tonight. |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,923 hugs
given |
#4
But I feel good, calm.. Lol. Ignore me.
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Blue_Bird, Job 30 26, SlumberKitty
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
This might strike you as an off-kilter question - but have you considered going off of the stimulant? Or perhaps you could switch to modafinil or something more mild? I am on modafinil and it helps me a lot. I don't really get tired. (Except when I should get tired). Postscript: I don't know how stimulants work. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! |
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SlumberKitty
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,013
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#6
Quote:
Last edited by Desoxyn; Aug 10, 2022 at 11:35 PM.. |
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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WastingAsparagus
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,566
8 |
#7
I see my doctor today! Half day at work. Then tomorrow I see the gastro doctor and see how thats going. I have the day off tomorrow. So I get an extra long weekend with some appointments inbetween.
I dont know what else to do with my time. I thought maybe I could go back to doing university courses but Im waiting to see what the government says about the university because theres a fight theyre threatening to pull funding. No pointing registering for classes if they lose funding and go bankrupt. I feel my motivation lacking. I have worked out a bit lately but its hard to get motivation. Hard to get motivation to brush my teeth or shower. Idk. I think I need an SSRI or something to help perk me up. Idk. Ill talk to my doctor today. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Blue_Bird, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,827
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#8
Quote:
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, cogladaid
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,827
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11 14.4k hugs
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#9
Good morning, Mustachio harassed me into getting up at 7am. She kept meowing and biting me (gently lol ) and licking my nose, so I finally got up and just gave them their breakfast. I think even Maybelle was on the bed bothering me at some point in the morning which she usually doesn't do, she normally just stares at me at a distance, I am unsure because I was really tired but I do think I saw her get up on the bed and meow at me.
It's going on 9am now. I'm going to the library in about an hour to print out some documents I need. Have been having some olfactory hallucinations (smelling things that aren't actually there) __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Angelique67
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,827
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11 14.4k hugs
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#10
It's my nephews birthday today. He's in prison right now, has been for the past 5 years (drug related). I miss him, he should be getting out soon. He turns 28, same age as I am. May be weird but yeah my mom had me when she was older (39),she had my sister when she was around 18 years old. So there's a big age difference, my sister is in her late 40's, and I'm 28. Which is why I have a nephew the same age as me
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Angelique67
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,827
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given |
#11
Plan on doing some cleaning today
Sweep/mop Vacuum whole apartment Clean bathroom Organize all my paperwork into different folders Change/clean the litterbox Saturday I'm going to my friend's house to hang out for awhile. Sunday I'm going to try to go to church for the first time in over 3 years. Next week I have 2 dentist appointments, grocery shopping, and some events in the building to go to (coffee and tea social day) Then on the 22nd I start volunteering! Very excited. __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Sometimes psychotic, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#12
I feel pretty crappy still. I don't know if it is depression or what. Bleh.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Blue_Bird, WastingAsparagus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#13
__________________ Hugs! |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#14
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Angelique67, Sometimes psychotic
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
given |
#15
I am just monitoring my email today. I mean that's really all I have to do. I get obsessive about checking email and other notifications and stuff.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
given |
#16
Also meditating with a candle is really nice. It helps me focus.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! |
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#17
My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.
The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Job 30 26, WastingAsparagus
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
given |
#18
Quote:
I struggle with similar feelings that I am pestering my pdoc. However, it's their job to help you. I have called my pdoc three times this week if it makes you feel any better. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! |
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
I struggle with feeling like I am bothering people or making them mad, and most of the time that is just my distorted thinking, or maybe paranoia. Usually people get mad if I ask them if they are mad, so I have learned not to do that. But then you never really know, do you.....so it becomes a point to ruminate on. Sigh. He will probably get back to me after 6 PM. That is when he is finished with patients for the day. At least he is working today. He works Wed-Friday only. Last week when I was bugging him, it was on his "off" days. Whoops. HUGS my friend. Hugs. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,827
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11 14.4k hugs
given |
#20
Drew this today
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, Sometimes psychotic
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