Roll Call 197

I skipped lunch again because I can’t help myself. I made vegan sweet potato and bean stew for dinner. Then had some spicy dill pork rinds. Just makes me laugh having vegan dinner and then eating pork rinds.

Idk I’m pretty much the same. Half there, half not. In regards to food, anyway. Those two things are all I had for food today. I know it’s not enough.

Well at least tomorrow I’m going for burgers and fries after work. That’s something.

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My friend was depressed for a month or so so we didn't hang out during that time frame, but he texted me today saying he felt better and we can hang out on Sunday. So we're going to play one of his Star Wars tabletop RPG board games, and some other games

I'm super motivated - But not sure what to do. Had a shower, turned it to cold, did all of the things..

There's an app called "Things 3" - It costs 70 dollars.. Idk if I should buy it, or find something better.. (Productivity/To-Do list app).

It'll be a really good Spring/Summer.. I plan to run every day (When it gets warmer) + Hiking. I'll get my bike ready to go mountain biking/exploring the different trails (I should have done that last year).

My dad will get me to drive his new Mustang too. And my family is planning a ski vacation (But it'll be next year). So I have things to look forward too..

Pork rinds are good, I've never had any of the flavored kinds though

Burgers and fries are so good, hope you enjoy them

I had salmon, asparagus and black beans for dinner. Well, I burned the asparagus a bit in the air fryer. They came out amazing last time but this time I made them I added 2 minutes to the cook time stupidly and it overcooked it.

The first time I'm cooking fresh chicken in the air fryer will be Friday. (so far I've only cooked frozen chicken tenders , and asparagus in it) I'm cooking some boneless, skinless chicken breast filets. I don't know what I'll do, I guess I'll look up some seasoning ideas, then cook them. I'm having them with a side of yellow squash, baby bella sliced mushrooms, and onion (also cooked in the air fryer all together, separately from the chicken)

This sounds dumb but I’m nervous about next week. I have a bunch of in office meetings and stuff. On Tuesday there’s a breakfast buffet, meetings, lunch buffet, meetings, then we have a dinner buffet.

I’m worried how much food there will be. I haven’t had three meals in one day like… a couple years at least. I don’t know if I can handle it.

Oh and then Wednesday there’s another breakfast buffet.

So I’m nervous about food and social interaction. Hanging out with my coworkers all day. The uncertainty of what’s there and who will be there.

At least next Thursday I see my doctor. He’ll probably try to convince me again to seek help for my eating disorder.

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I hope the office meetings go well, it's understandable to be nervous

also just wanted to add I hope my posts about my meals I make don't trigger you, if they do let me know

Oh no it’s fine don’t worry about it. I don’t really get triggered by any food talk or anything.

If anything I say bothers you let me know! I worry about other people more than myself lol.

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I'm wanting to be on less meds, but they help me a lot. I just hate the idea of being on all these meds. This is the mix that has kept me the most stable though for the longest.

update.
I took the trazodone tonight with my other meds. I want to sleep, even if I sleep in tomorrow at least I'll feel better rested than today with getting up at 4am.

I just wanted to check, cause sometimes I worry after I post about it being a trigger and feel guilty, I just get into making stuff (food) and trying out recipes and get excited about meals I make but have no one to really share with about my successes or non successes in the kitchen so I share it here lol

Nothing you have said has ever triggered me, I am in a good place with my ED, I'm doing pretty well now so no need to worry

My sister is going to take me to a nice thrift clothing store near here , not this weekend but the following weekend. They have really good quality stuff and good brands, a lot of variety. I gave myself a budget of $120 so I should be able to get some nice stuff. I really need a lot of new like yoga/lounge type pants because that's what I wear when I'm just at home

I’ve been into cooking a lot lately so I get wanting to share! I’m like obsessed with meal planning and cooking. It’s my way of coping I guess lol.

Oh alas.

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I was doing so good and then the negative thoughts came back. I can't take this anymore.

I feel a little better.. 12am, sitting in the dark

Have an appointment with my therapist in a few hours

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Hope it goes well Blue_Bird!

I had a panic attack last night and another one this morning. They really wear me out. I'm not sure if it is anxiety or something more. If it is anxiety then I am screwed because of my Generalized Anxiety disorder. But I can't think of what would be causing me so much distress to get anxiety attacks all the time!

I did manage to get a shower last night before Church. That felt good. My friend didn't come to Church though so I didn't get a hug! She gives the best hugs and holds on for about 30 seconds. I feel almost held. It is the best part of my week.

We need a new roll call…

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I made a new one.