Roll Call 198

That's one of the few "good" things about my situation, I no longer have any bank accounts or cards, etc. I'm glad you got it caught and reported. I know it's a pita.

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Actually, I'm still prey to people who want to hurt me. And there's still a paper trail of my SS# and current address. It's not like I'm dead yet. They steal from the dead too.

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I tried on the dress I got for my sister's wedding this weekend. It is too long for me but I will have to get it hemmed. I texted a picture to my sister and she liked it. It is very plain but it is pretty I think. And it covers most of my self harm scars. Win!

It snowed a lot here this weekend. My beagle Zoey had fun bouncing around in the snow. It is weird to get a blizzard here in the desert. Especially so late in February. The mountains nearby got a ton of snow. On the news they were saying that it was taking people 8 to 10 hours to dig their cars out of the snow. It is still supposed to be stormy for a few days and then get nice by like Thursday although another storm might come in next week. All this rain and snow is good for the drought. It was pretty. I sat in the dining room watching the snow come down for a while as I worked on a puzzle. It was nice.

So annoying when you don't know if your IRL friends are ignoring you or if they are just busy. It kind of sucks. Trying not to pester and be a pain but a response to my text would be great.

I get it. I had friends who said they were busy but they were actually ghosting me. I hope your friends are just busy.

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Only sometimes, I do things. But it's very difficult.

They turned one of the buildings downtown that was formerly a bakery into a bookstore cafe coffee bar all in one. It looks amazing. I need to check it out sometime. It’s right down the street from me.

They describe it as a coffee bar/eatery/bite sized bookstore in one

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Oooh you should go! Sounds fun.

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Definitely plan on it probably the weekend after next. My sister should have some free time so I'll see if she wants to go with me so I'll be her coffee and a a book or something, they have gifts too, her birthday is this Sunday. I'm sure she has plans for her birthday so I'll see if she's up to it the following weekend

Something about cafes and bookstores are each awesome, but especially when combined

It might be a good idea to go by myself first too, just to challenge my anxiety about going new places alone

There’s this one place I went to a couple times it’s a coffee shop and on Saturdays they have live music. Sometimes they also host these group painting events where you get to paint following along with the instructor and drink coffee or wine at the same time.

It’s fun! Not exactly the same but it’s got a similar vibe. Maybe just go there once and read and drink some coffee. Everyone is there for the same thing so that should help ease your anxiety I would hope.

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That's awesome!

Looks like this new place's opening day is this Thursday, so I think I'll try going this Saturday if they're open, maybe buy a paperback book, a cappuccino, and read for awhile

I always say I’ll go places then I never do. Like before this place I wanted to go to the bakery there. For years I kept telling myself I’d go , it’s right down the street there no reason I couldn’t have gone. then they closed this year. Now it turned into this place. I don’t want to keep doing that where I say I’ll go places and never go due to anxiety. I definitely want to check this place out so I’m going this week for sure, I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and try new things/places.

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I am getting into this mind space of ‘no time like the present’. I sometimes get into it and end up losing it for a while. Like one time I decided I was going to learn tennis. So I held myself to it and took tennis lessons.

I’ve been trying to do this with other things lately. Last week I made a reservation at a nice restaurant to make myself go. I booked a massage and had it last Saturday. I have decided to stop putting it off and actually get ground kangaroo meat and make burgers. (Next week I promise!) I want to do things.

Sometimes the best thing to do is just push yourself out there. Worse thing that happens is they have no seating and you take coffee to go.

I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been there always procrastinating. But I read something a while ago that tomorrow isn’t always guaranteed. So drink the fancy coffee or soda. Go get that massage. Use the nice perfume.

I know it’s not really advice ‘just go do it’ but I always find writing things down on a calendar and making a plan always pushes me out to do things. Hold myself to it.

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You’re right, and that’s awesome you’ve been doing all those things I made a note on my planner for Saturday to go there and get a book and coffee and sit down and drink it if there’s a seat available I just will push myself to go and not stress about it. It’s easier to just do things if I don’t think about it too much before I go. When I think about things too much my mind gets carried away with anxious thoughts.

Thank you, that’s a good way to look at things

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So much on my mind it’s hard to sleep tonight.

Big thing is tomorrow I have a bunch of meetings and social interaction and food at work. Breakfast buffet, two hours of meetings, lunch buffet, two more hours of meetings, dinner buffet. Not only is it a bunch of food (makes me worry) but also I’m expected to interact and socialize.

I don’t really like socializing. Especially when I have to do it all day and night. My social anxiety is better but I still haven’t been super socially active in the last couple years.

Gah just nervous. I can do it but ugh I wish I didn’t have to. If I don’t participate it makes me look bad at work.

At least Wednesday is just a lunch buffet nothing else. Just so much socializing.

But at least I see my doctor on Thursday. Trying to figure out what to tell him. I’m kind of trying to eat better. Not be so worried. I’m just tired of it all. I should be honest with my mom that I’ve been struggling. I should go find a therapist that deals with like gender issues and eating disorders. My old therapist doesn’t deal with that stuff.

Anyway I’m going to try to sleep now and get up early for work. Just GULP wish me luck.

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Ah what did I do. I found a therapist not far from where I live and emailed them. I mentioned I don’t know if I could commit but I put it out there. Gah! Now i’m more nervous.

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That’s awesome that you reached out to a therapist Cogladaid, I hope it works out and is helpful for you

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I hope your meetings and stuff go smoothly Cogladaid, let us know how it goes

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I hope your work meetings and the socializing and the food goes well Cogladaid. I know myself we have luncheons at work pretty regularly. I *try* to force myself and sit there with my coworkers but there are times when I just get food and retreat back into my office and don't socialize but then of course everyone is like, "Oh are you okay? Why didn't you eat with us?" Stuff like that. So then I feel bad. I usually just say I had a lot of work to do and needed to catch up but I don't know if that will work in your situation. Good luck! Also I hope things will work out with the new therapist! HUGS Kit