Roll Call 198

Good luck!

So my inspection went by. Just have 2 minor things for maintenance to fix. That’s not a problem.

I ordered pizza from dominoes today. And molten chocolate lava cakes, which are so amazing.

I stayed up till 2 am worrying they’d do the inspection around 8 am, I didn’t want to oversleep. I fell asleep for a few hours of light sleep around 2am then woke up at 6:30am and have been waiting for them but they didn’t do the inspection till 12:30pm. I was planning on grocery shopping but that’s gonna have to wait till tomorrow, I don’t like going late in the day when there’s tons of people. I like going early when there’s hardly anyone there, because of anxiety. So I ordered a pizza instead to hold me over. Tomorrow I’ll go grocery shopping early, then walk to Family dollar to buy household essentials. Then shower and get ready for the cafe we’re going to at 5pm.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So glad the inspection went well, Blue_Bird!

Thanks it was the pre inspection. The actual code enforcement inspection by the city is next Tuesday. But only like a handful of random apartments are chosen for that one , like 19 out of the 50 something apartments here

How are you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks! Hoping to have a part time job by this summer

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am okay. I am having a lot of anxiety but I suppose that is to be expected right now. I switched therapists and I am trying to get to know one and get enough help. My GP thinks I could benefit from two sessions a week but IDK how to ask for that or even if I should do that. Something to think about. HUGS Kit

Im sorry you’re struggling do you feel you need two sessions? If you fee you need them it might be a good idea to ask, the worst that can happen is they say that’s not possible

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah that's true. I don't think I need two sessions all the time but right now I feel like it could be helpful. But I don't want to seem too needy where the T dumps me.

That’s understandable. I don’t think a professional would dump you though just for asking, it’s worth a shot. Maybe explain your fear to them, and work through it

Have you considered DBT? Official DBT therapists I believe you are in session once a week and have phone coaching available 7 days a week. It’s helpful for issues such as self harm and anxiety and stuff like that. Just a thought of something to maybe look into if you wanted. I’ve never been through it but there are also many therapists that work with DBT though in conjunction with other forms of therapy. There seems to be more support in that type of therapy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If you’re not comfortable asking for more sessions yet that’s okay too. Maybe you will be when you’re more comfortable with your new T

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes. That's what I think too!

Oh another cool place is opening near here in the spring. A cat cafe! They have cats roaming around the cafe , you can order baked goods and coffee

My sister sent me a link. So we’re gonna go there this spring when it opens

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That sounds awesome! I know they have some in Los Angeles but we don't have any here by us!

Only slept 4 hours and very light sleep at that, so it’s making my anxiety worse today and making me paranoid, about people being out to get me

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry about the smoke breaks and your friend Angelique and the roommate situation, I hope things work out /get better

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Fun! Life is fun.. That's all it is.

Of course, I struggle terribly. How much sui thoughts are fatal, idk.

But today was a good day - Went skiing =] Spent a nice time with my mom and a friend.

I'm helping yet again, another autist friend with addiction to stimulants. Usually just talking is okay.. But often, the stimulant needs to be completely consumed + run out of money. That's the only way.

Saw my doctor today. Got my gastro scope results back everything is all good with my gut and my celiac. I’m doing all the right things with avoiding gluten.

Anyway he asked how I was. Mood wise I think I’m pretty good still? But he asked about my anorexia how I’m dealing. I told him basically after I saw him I was looking at a cookbook and realized I was undereating worse than I thought. And I’ve become more aware of my skewed thinking about what is normal and how what I’m doing isn’t normal. This self awareness thing. Especially being around normal people this week.

Like I feel I’m on a right path. And he agrees. He says he’s not too worried about me because I’m making good choices now.

I know I feel better not so stuck in my head. But I still haven’t told my mom or sister how I’ve been because part of me wants to hold onto it. Like I’m not ready to completely stop what I’m doing.

Like it’s not really even about losing weight anymore I just don’t want to eat. It goes I don’t want to eat. Then I reluctantly eat lunch. Then I reluctantly eat dinner. It feels like a chore most of the time. Doctor says maybe it’s part of depression but he even admits he doesn’t know much about anorexia.

But I’m making progress. And I told my doctor I put myself on a wait list for a psychologist that specializes in eating disorders. So he said that’s good.

I see him in about three weeks. Hopefully I have good progress.

One problem I keep having is I find these healthy or low calorie snacks at like Winners or somewhere and I buy them. Then I get too scared to eat them. So they sit there. And then I find more snacks and the process repeats. I need to eat those snacks.

I heard from people about eating disorder treatment centres and they make people eat three meals a day and three snacks in between. That feels like so much to me. Nowadays I eat small lunch, regular dinner, and maybe a snack. My thinking is so skewed.

Anyway now I’m getting around and around here with my comments. I cried a little today when I was talking to my doctor. I apologized and he’s like ‘sometimes you have to let it out’. Isn’t that true.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I talk about my anorexia relapse to practically everyone except the people I know in real life. Including my mom and sister.

I hate making people worry.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I want to stop all of my meds and stay in bed for a few months. The world is a bit much for me.

I'm flying to see my sister in 3 weeks, so I should continue.. making a life..