Roll Call 198

Thank you Blue_Bird. Things are getting a lot harder, and I hope that's the extent of it.

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My anxiety is better but my depression is a lot worse. It's always one thing or the other. Anxiety. Depression. Paranoia. Hallucinations. Psychosis. I am destined to never be well apparently.

Hugs to everyone here

I don’t have much to update with, I’m going to the coffee bar place in a couple hours from now, looking forward to it.
I got some new detail paintbrushes for my miniature figure painting hobby

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HUGS Blue_Bird

Have fun at the coffee place and yay for new paint brushes!

Have fuuuuuunnnn!!!

I’m making tacos for dinner. Ned is getting his booster shot when my sister’s done work.

Weekend plans nothing really except I might try to pick up some doggy DNA tests so I can find out exactly what breeds our dogs are.

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Just got home from the coffee place. They have an actual bar in there too, like alcohol which is cool. They were very friendly and nice people. It’s a very hipster type vibe. I like it a lot. The food was amazing. The cappuccino I got was great. I got an oat milk cappuccino with caramel , and half a chipotle chicken sandwich and a black cherry soda. My sister got half a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a black cherry soda. She bought a book for her daughter/my niece. I bought Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman for myself. My sister said she didn’t want me to spend money on a book for her, she liked the books but just saw something she wanted to get my niece so she got that. I know she doesn’t want me to overspend on her. Anyway, it was very cool, very lively, they have ceiling to floor wall that’s just books and they have like really nice editions of really good books and they have a table full of paperbacks in the middle too. They also had like candles and little gifts and stuff.

They also have game nights, live poetry readings and live music sometimes as well

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Glad you had a great time! I encourage you to go another time for live music or something.

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That sounds great Blue_Bird! I'm glad it is a good place!

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Good day today. I worked at my regular job this morning, and then at my moms work until the evening.

Good focus, calmness, happiness =]

It's strange that people just naturally don't have to deal with constant ups and downs from meds/drugs (Unless they're bipolar).. It would be a relief for me, just to imagine that.

Although my mind doesn't really make sense - But I don't care.

I'm glad you had a good day

I also wish I didn't have ups and downs in mood, it's hard to deal with I hope you have a good weekend

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Yes I definitely plan on going again, probably the next time I go I will go by myself so I can work on getting out on my own more, to get over my anxiety. I will probably go again later this month. They have outdoor seating too. It's too cold for that now but it's nice for when the warmer months come

I should actually challenge myself to go somewhere new every month. Whether it's a restaurant, cafe, store etc anywhere I haven't been to before

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You should challenge yourself! Honestly I haven’t had a social interaction lately that I have regretted.

Take chances! They’re worth it.

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Going grocery shopping in a little while

After that I need to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Then do some cleaning and cook the linguine with white clam sauce.

My mood is good. I started feeling dissociated last night but I managed to ground myself , it just took awhile because it felt like my brain just kept floating away and I couldn’t bring myself down. But I slept and woke up feeling good. Sleep always is super helpful when I’m dissociated, I almost always wake up feeling better/grounded.

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We got over a foot of snow last night, it’s still snowing. It looks so pretty outside

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I was going to get a couple doggy DNA tests to find out exactly what breed my dogs are (we figure one is pure chihuahua and the other is Jack Russell terrier and pug but don’t know for sure). Anyway this show in Canada called Marketplace (that goes through companies and services and exposes if they’re legit or scams) had an episode last night about doggy DNA tests and how they are not accurate at all. So good timing. I’m not going to bother anymore.

Did some shopping this morning. Dog treats, some stuff from costco. Also Starbucks.

Making crab cakes for lunch (I was going to make them for dinner on Thursday but was tired and busy). Then breaded chicken thigh with mashed potatoes and gravy.

Not much else planned for the weekend. Going to make bacon wrapped glazed pork tenderloin tomorrow for dinner with roasted potatoes and broccoli.

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The food sounds good! And Starbucks, love their drinks too.

I got the stuff to make the linguine and white clam sauce recipe today. I’m making it tomorrow. Have ciabatta bread to go with it. Was gonna do it today but don’t feel like cooking today. I found a beef and broccoli air fryer recipe so next time I go grocery shopping I’m getting stuff for that.

I got everything on my list though for todays grocery trip

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It's a bright sunny day. They brought lunch like 20 minutes early. My phone is getting a late payment and since last night the battery has been lasting so well with the radios turned off. It takes at least half the battery just to stay connected.

My friend's procedure went well and I'm so glad and relieved. Last night everyone on staff here was yelling at my one roommate. And threatening her with sending her to the hospital to be assessed and sent elsewhere. I wish they'd stop upsetting her. After each incident she has renewed trouble walking and rolling in the wheelchair. I wish I could go to sleep for the rest of my life.

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I am trying to put this anorexia relapse behind me. But it’s so hard.

I was feeling more confident and good when I saw my doctor. But I’m still disordered.

I made crab cakes for lunch. I ate two with sriracha mayo. Then I ate a bit of veggies with tzatziki. And a sugar free Jello cup.

I still feel ravenous. But I don’t want to eat. I’ll eat dinner but I don’t really want to.

I have these grand ideas for meals and then I feel bad. I buy snacks and I struggle to eat them. I get scared to eat them. I hoard them.

I’m trying but it’s hard. It feels like so much.

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Like I went to Costco and bought this Buffalo ranch dip and a bag of Ruffles chips to dip in them. Now idk if I can make myself eat it.

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I went to the grocery store today to pick up a few things. I made a list and everything. I stuck to the list. Had to go to three stores to get everything because I was looking for honey dill (it’s a dipping sauce here for chicken fingers).

Anyway, it’s funny I’m going around cooking and meal planning and grocery shopping. I had to laugh. Get the anorexic to do all that.

I was at the store and I felt overwhelmed looking at ice cream and chips and stuff. I had this irrational thought passing by the bread section that I’ll breathe in gluten and contaminate myself.

I managed to brush it off but I found myself focused a lot still on low calorie options. Like 4 cal kombucha instead of 70 cal.

But good is I went to Starbucks and ordered something different. Something with more calories than I usually get. I got a matcha tea latte with almond milk. It was good. And then I went home and ate a bunch of chicken fingers.

I’m so full and I’m trying to feel okay with it. But hey I managed to do a little bit today.

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