Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

I've been hallucinating almost 24/7 for anywhere in between 1,200 and 1,300 days. Visual, auditory, tactile, gustatory, olfactory, proprioceptive, thermoreceptive, chronoreceptive, and even command hallucinations. As I write this; I’m seeing apparitions and hearing voices commenting on what I’m writing about. Luckily, the hallucinations aren’t quite as intense so as to prevent me from perceiving and interacting with the real world.

The visual hallucinations became (somewhat) noticeable during waking hours sometime on and/or in between the months of July and November of 2019. The auditory verbal hallucinations became more frequent and intense sometime in September or October of that year. In between Halloween and Thanksgiving of 2019; I was most definitely experiencing both visual and auditory (sometimes tactile, gustatory, and olfactory) hallucinations every waking moment from the very moment I'd wake up to the moment I'd fall asleep. The apparitions very quickly began to appear in my dreams and nightmares and make references to them during daylight hours. The apparitions follow me around everywhere—even to an entirely different city over a hundred miles away.

The apparitions have claimed to be: astral-projecting psychics, time travelers, ghosts, demons, extraterrestrials, deities, law enforcement and paramilitary personnel, federal government agents, psychologists, a neuropsychiatrist, a psychiatrist, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychotherapists, an
aeronautical engineer (among the many labels that they've self-applied). Overall, however, the apparitions tend to collectively refer to themselves using a catch-all term, "thought-forms". By the late-2019 to mid-2020 period; I managed to count anywhere from something like 48 up to 147... at the very least (these are the ones who have shown/told me their "names" and/or faces). The thought-forms themselves have provided me with estimates as high as 10,000... 8,000,000, or even 16,000,000.

They've been showing me for over 300 days pretty much daily. Their "excuses" vary, but among their most frequent justifications involve the accusation that I've done something to a woman that I've neither met, nor spoken with, nor seen in person, nor have I ever made any attempts to contact (an actress). They do this until I eventually begin experiencing physically-painful essential tremors, muscle spasms, convulsions, and/or possibly even (non-epileptic seizures) and am on the verge of tears. They're doing this literally right now as I write this and tell me things like, "so what?" -- "you betcha'" -- "they love it" and "nobody gives a ****" and I begin to experience increasingly worse pain possibly related to undiagnosed epilepsy inherited from my father which was barely noticeable until the arrival of these thought-forms. They pretend as if I've never covered this with them before and behave "apologetically" only to have them resume shortly after writing about this, or telling a therapist (one of whom had me involuntarily committed to a hospital last year based off of very much the same information in this post), etc. They're showing me the the sexual image complete with visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations. They don't like it when I laugh at Youtube videos of cute animals doing funny things but expect me to smile and laugh 24/7 to the other image. They also often claim that I'd done the "same thing" (which, for whatever reason, includes rape and murder) to at least three mental health care providers--one of whom threatened to place a restraining order on me, and another was successful by late-2020. All three women would appear to be alive, well, employed, married, and at least one or two would appear to have children--and yet these thought-forms continue to insist on having me look for a certain woman, who against my attorney's advice, which resulted in having legal difficulties for me. "Who gives a ****?" they now ask shortly before stating, "nobody gives a ****," as they've been doing several times daily for nearly a whole year. They later added, yet again, that I'd done something to this actress and one of these health care providers. They smile, laugh, and ridicule me as they point out what I've written earlier in this post (their "nobody gives a ****" line).