Roll Call 199

So happy for you!!!

The bfs half bro is experiencing psychosis and his dad is taking steps to get him involuntary committed. He’s calling people late at night and either playing music or threatening them. The bf thinks he knows what he’s doing so that it’s somehow the brothers fault and I keep explaining he might not even be aware or at least aware all of the time. The whole thing is pretty triggering because I realize he would probably blame me if I ever became psychotic again.

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That’s sad, I’m sorry that’s going on I hope his brother gets the help he needs

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Thanks! I didn’t think I’d ever date again. It’s been 10 years since I’ve dated. I’m 28 but I honestly thought I’d spend the rest of my life not dating lol it got pretty lonely but I was content with being alone but then I realized if I’m with the right person it can be wonderful

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I can finally say I've had two days in a row now that I haven't had any significant psychotic symptoms. The Vraylar is kicking in and the Haldol is working and I am appreciating the clarity and focus.

Good day today. Refilled meds. I'm on 6 meds, and one PRN.

Small amounts of microdosing (Although I don't feel like using psychedelics or nootropics much right now).

Psychosis is scary. It's been 2 years without (Except one night, a week ago, I thought "Oh ****..", but I went to sleep).

Lots of sleep is the greatest cure. You can't have psychosis if you're unconscious. So dose up the APs. When I got home yesterday? I went to sleep and slept all day and night until work this morning.

And btw, I left work early cuz I started to feel really shaky and nervous. I work really hard when I'm supposed to work.. I've worked really hard since age 15 (Cuz I'm a heavy perfectionist), and realize that it doesn't get me anywhere - I have to work smart instead.

I think this is quite better than psychosis.

I have all these bruises on my arms and hands. Like 12 little bruises. Idk if it’s from playing with my dog (he’s rough) or something else.

I also have a bunch of little scrapes on a couple fingers. Don’t know what happened there.

Mysterious injuries.

Edit: lmao apparently easily bruising can be a symptom of lupus. ****ing hell back again with the drug induced lupus. Pain in my fingers, now bruises.

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If it medication induced they should be able to reverse it by changing your meds right?

Yeah the lamotrigine.

I have to take a blood test next week and then I see my doctor on the 18th to find out results.

If it is drug induced lupus (which it’s looking more like) then I would have to stop it and go on something else. It’ll go away once I stop the medication.

I hate waiting so I’m going to complain the whole time.

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Also TMI I’ve being having some gastro problems lately and a threw up this morning. Idk if it’s because too much fatty food and then too much alcohol last night or again this lupus thing.

Just all these things.

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This reminds me of my cousin …she probably has celiac but never bothered to confirm because of the way they test it. She was just like I’ll avoid the wheat. Wouldn’t be easier just to quit the med and get a new mood stabilizer?

Oh yeah I just have to talk to my doctor and figure out. I have to wait.

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But like about the celiac - you have to get a blood test, and then a gastro scope while still eating wheat and then they can confirm intestinal damage and diagnose. It’s not really that bad if you’re still eating wheat. Some people get false negative though (like my mom).

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She was just like stop the pain stop the wheat.

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I started learning how to play my keyboard/piano. I learned how to play twinkle twinkle little star on it today. I recorded myself playing but don’t know how to post it , it’s not a video just an audio recording. If anyone here wants to hear it that I’m also friends with on FB, I can send it via Facebook messenger. Also learned the basic strumming pattern and chords to a simplified version of Jason Mraz’s song I’m Yours. I posted a video of that. Getting more serious about practicing regularly with both instruments.

Anyway I’m doing well, my bf and I talked over phone call for 2 hours tonight. Idk how that happens. Every time we talk 2-3 hours end up flying by like nothing.

Tomorrows Easter. I’m not doing anything really to celebrate. I’ll probably spend some more time learning songs

Tuesday I have to go to my volunteer job. The person who gave me the position will be visiting there to check in. I never met her in person yet, just over email. She’s in charge of the kitten angels program and the volunteers.

Thursday I’m meeting with my career readiness instructor to create my resume so I can apply for jobs.

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So my mental health is good. I’m on all my meds. I’m debating whether or not it’s a good idea to get off some of them or whether it’s a bad idea to mess with them

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The only symptom left I have from my PTSD is insomnia. I have to take a few meds to tranquilze me to rest. A symptom that points to me still living in survival mode. It's crazy walking around wherever I go because I instantly scan places for threats. And my other dx worsens it, compound that with what I just went through, could it get any worse for me? (Sigh) My pdoc said she's going to ask around for another therapist for me who specializes in trauma to help unclog the long jam where I'm at. I'll tel you what though, the story I wrote, Dostoevsky, and my "trips" have helped alleviate so much.

I had another great writing session. I'm so proud of myself with the direction this story has gone. Just not sure when I will have my first draft. I've been saying it's mostly done for 6 months though. Ah, the cows will come home soon, you guys have probably heard enough of my excitement of this story. haha

Anyway, had an eventful night watching Ben Hur with my lady. We had a really fun time, I was pretty manic tonight from the afterglow of my writing session. Never seen it, i appreciated the levity it had. Hopefully soon I can be as bold as 12 and her man.

The Spring has arrived. So every night, I take a walk around the block, then sleep.

I've seen the most beautiful things while doing this. And thoughts, feelings.

Nighttime LSD-like feelings. I hope they come back.

Hello Everyone ( ・_・)ノ , unsure if anyone remembers me i use to be an active member at one point came back yesterday , i though i would hang out here again . well for me this is Sunday ( i hate this time of year ) i am waiting for my partner to wake up so he can get ready So we can have breakfast & then go to the mental health drop in Today. i just Normally hang out there for a few hours then come home .