Roll Call 199

What happened to roll call 198? It was closed before it reached 700 posts.

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Yeah I was very confused by that too

I decided to skip the atenolol this morning and oh goddd... I had more energy.. But my hands are shaking. My resting heart rate is 120bpm.

I'm an idiot - I took the atenolol just now. I should especially be off the stimulant before stopping the beta blocker.. How did I not think of that.. I don't think things 100% through + Suicidal thoughts last night.. I felt great..

And I exercised, climbed mountains last summer.. I'll be doing that again this summer. I was fine.. I don't want to mess that up.

Hopefully my heart damage from stimulant abuse (When I was younger) is MILD... And can be fixed by regular exercise..

Stimulant abuse can cause sinus tachycardia (I finally had ChatGPT to tell me, cuz Googling was useless for that).

I stopped the stimulant for around a year before starting the beta blocker.. So it was okay to add the stimulant again.. And I started antipsychotics before I started the stimulant (Before that). I'm an odd psychiatric case.

Life is difficult. I don't want to stop the stimulant.. I was doing fine, no problems... I keep messing everything up though. Although I mess up much less.

RIP. Don't misuse ur stim, benzo or opioid

Not sure if it kicked in yet, but it's 100bpm now.. Maybe it was work. I was non-stop basically exercising, busiest it's ever been.

I hope so =[

I've likely angered the admins (I still love them though). I didn't intend for my reality to be this way - As I was born.. and then what.. What happened before then.. The 1990's. But WHERE was I then.. Distributed energy and particles, DNA of plants using it all, all from the sun. It's all derivatives from the same DNA. Where did the DNA come from... That is the general mystery of life.

Where am I, how did I get here, what do I do about it.

My heart rate is now 84bpm, even though I took the afternoon Dexedrine (All because the beta blocker kicked in).

Do u understand? =/

I am happy to be alive RN

And happy that you are all alive too o.-

Edit: But u have to feel alive, that's the problem. Sometimes, waiting a bit while in the grey overcast room is okay (If it's not for too long).

And of course, there's rooms that the owners of society don't want us to go into... But we all always will (Read that again, and remember..).

"According to some Gnostic myths [2], in the beginning there existed one true and omnipotent God composed only of spirit. This God continues to exist but is so superior to humanity as to be incomprehensible. This divine spirit reproduced, forming other divine but lesser [3] spirits in the form of couples sometimes called ?aeons.?"

- Idk. It's all complicated, and I can get tired of all of this. *I don't mean to start a religious conversation. God why am I so ...*