Roll Call 201

I’m doing well. I’m sleeping much better, got about four hours last night, in a different environment and it feels so good to be in a substance free apartment but still have some freedom for once. I got discharged from IOP today and return to individual therapy tomorrow. I have to go back home by Monday evening to meet up with my case manager. Maybe we’ll discuss alternative living options.

I’m glad you got some sleep , I hope you’re able to find a better living option

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My new Nintendo shirt came today

I asked for my sisters recommendation for shoes for working all day on your feet and she recommended either Clark’s or Klogs. So I’m ordering a pair of Clark’s tonight. Right now I have addidas running shoes and every day after work my feet hurt extremely badly and I have blisters

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It felt so good to do nothing today

They used to bring in visitors with dogs for residents to pet. They haven't in a few years though. There used to be a cat outside that would approach us smokers. We would pet him/her when s/he would explore our little groups. I haven't seen the cat around though for a long time.

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I've had Clarks, they are very comfortable. Now I always get Ryka sneakers, they're made well for my feet, a narrow heel, I buy a half size up so there's room for my toes. They're not perfect, I would get blisters if I wore them for hours and hours, but they are better engineered than any other shoes except maybe my health sandals. I hope you'll like them!

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I still have my anxiety about stairs though, if I want to move back. But my friend would help me with that. What I have here would be all I'd need to move back in. Except for my jewelry, I miss that extremely much. I could hopefully get it out of storage. I'll see, if I progress with this plan. I'm doing better here than I did when I was alone, but all the restrictions are wearing me down.

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I ended up deciding on dansko clogs after reading reviews by podiatrists and people who work all day on their feet as nurses, retail, and waitressing etc. these have really good reviews. They’re more expensive than the ones I was thinking about getting but I think it would be a good investment to not be in so much back and foot pain after every shift

Here’s a pic

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Those are nice! I never got clogs but one of my old friends used to always wear them.

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I finnnnnallly caught up on laundry. I did two loads of clothes, one load of sheets, one load of towels and wash cloths. Now it’s all done. Tomorrow I’ll clean my apartment. Then I’ll be good to go. I’m going to Dennys with my sister tomorrow for lunch. Sunday morning I work, but thankfully I’ll have caught up with everything around the house so I can relax some when I get home. I also work Monday night. Idk how people manage full time jobs and life. I’m just working part time 25-30 hours a week and can barely keep up lol. I’ll get in a better routine with it , just the last few weeks have been pure chaos. I’m trying to make sure I keep up with things like showering etc though because I don’t want to neglect self care.

I go back to college in January. So I’ll be still working part time and also going to college part time. I’m taking my classes online so it doesn’t interfere with my work schedule.

Next week they start training me for that additional role where I’ll be interviewing people and running orientation for new employees. That’s a guaranteed 12 hours a week every single week. Then the rest of my hours are cashiering whenever I can pick shifts.

Idk wtf happened in the past 7 months. I went from doing nothing with my life to having a boyfriend, volunteering with a cat rescue for 6 months (which was a great experience and I hope to go back someday), getting a job, getting promoted and taking violin lessons. It doesn’t even seem real.

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I spent the entire years of 2018 through a the end of 2022 doing nothing , making plans and never accomplishing anything or getting anywhere with them, being an anxious paranoid wreck barely able to leave my apartment to go even grocery shopping or check the mail.

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Are you still on Abilify and when did you start….imo th name says everything with that med

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I am still on it I started it like a year and a half ago

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You're doing awesome, BB! Truly inspiring

I can't continue this life.

I had the most vivid and horrifying dream..

I was in a house, looking at two versions of my mom.. They were both moving in similar (But opposite) ways.. In a creepy way. Cars were being stolen and burned in the house. I started talking to this guy about teleportation, while we were petting a cat. I went to escape, looked at the Google Maps, and I was somewhere in Texas - But I zoomed out, and it was a horrifically vast landscape - Dark, with Mars-type rock.. Not much water.. I zoomed out and out, and it was in the middle of no where, of no where.. Of no where.. I started running through the neighbourhood, and hid behind a house - All the other houses were being inspected with some man in a futuristic, red, orange and black fire suit (With a haze mask) - It looked similar to this;

-

He was burning all of the victims inside (Through the front door - With a flame thrower), and moving onto the next house.

There's a lot I don't remember.. My ex step dad owned a yellow Ferrari (Underneath the concrete, me looking at it through the cracks - Of drainage in a dark, cold water hole of abyss). I wanted to use it to sell for some money (Before he did).

I went to find a pharmacy (So I could self medicate), and there was none.. Everyone was Mormon.. I couldn't find the pharmacy.. I went into a building, and there was a gym.. Everyone was exercising..

I ran onto the highway - And there was a police officer. He was sexually harassing me, following me on a bicycle, while I walked into darkness (In the middle of houses on each side) - So I turned around, and the dream ended.

That sounds like an awful dream to have Des. Hope you have better dreams tonight. Sometimes when I have disturbing dreams I "rewrite them" so I don't think about them in such an awful way when falling asleep the next night.

Going to Dennys with my sister tonight for dinner. I think I’m getting chicken tenders and onion rings or fries that sounds really good right now

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I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, like having three days in a row off has been nice but now I’m just getting anticipatory anxiety and dread about going back tomorrow. Especially since I have to be out the door and on my way there by 6:40am so I probably won’t get enough sleep. It’s gonna suck because it’s a Sunday which means there’ll be even more people shopping. They’re supposed to be training me this coming week for doing interviews and running orientations. All my upcoming 8 shifts are for cashiering so I don’t know how that’s gonna fit in or if they’ll edit the schedule some between now and to add shifts for my other position. Probably.

I might stop at Dunkin on my way there tomorrow to eat something for breakfast like a sausage egg muffin and a coffee or something.

Stopped at the pharmacy, the store, and the library today

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I started playing the first Life is Strange videogame on Xbox that a friend from the forum recommended. It’s cool, I’m excited to play more
It’s about a photographer that can rewind time

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