Roll Call 202

I got my shower done but I didn't wash my hair.

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I managed to stop drinking caffeinated coffee. I’ve just been drinking decaf now. My anxiety is a lot less severe and my sleep is a ton better since I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee. Which makes sense since I was drinking 5-6 cups of full. Caffeine coffee everyday. I felt like crap the first day. Had a severe migraine. The. The day after that I felt depressed because I’m used to relying on caffeine to improve my mood. Today I feel a lot better. I slept 9 1/2 hours last night and it was good quality sleep according to my Fitbit. Normally my sleep quality gets a score of fair or poor. I also took a nap today.

Schizophrenics vs psychopaths

I'm basically just focusing on my mental health and self care for right now. Still volunteering with the cats on Tuesdays and that's going well. I'm using part of my tax return to upgrade the ram on my laptop and get the battery replaced and pay for some textbooks since I'm going back to college in the fall to start finishing up my associates degree. Then hopefully find a more bearable job than my last job.

I feel pretty good right now, starting to come out of the depression I was in the past week. I need to clean my apartment so I'm gonna start working on that, it's overwhelming but I need to start on it.

I'm doing a low buy year for the year of 2024. So basically no impulse spending... I can set aside a small amount each month for fun things but it's gonna be more towards experiences than physical things. Like going out to eat or to a movie with family or friends. I'm trying to limit the amount of stuff I bring into my apartment and appreciate and make use of what I already have. That includes digital items like videogames etc cause I have so many I havent finished or haven't even started yet that I own there's zero reason for me to keep buying more I have a huge library of them on multiple consoles and on PC. And no ebooks. I have a ton of unread ebooks I've bought. Anything I want to read that I don't already own I can get from the library. Just trying to enjoy and make use of the things I already have

They just called, I got the job! My first day is Monday!

Yay congrats!!!

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Thanks! I think it will be a better environment, just as stressful job but a better enviroment can make a big difference, ie not having a jerk as an assistant manager lol

I was not expecting to hear from them, I gave up at this point but they just called me and were like we want to offer you a position here, it's temporary but they like to keep temps on if they prove themselves in the 90 day period which is how long they have to decide whether to keep you long term. So I'm gonna work my *** off and hopefully get a long term position with them

I’m excited. I’m glad I’ll be working again. I seem to have more dissociation and panic when I’m not working oddly enough. It’s like when I have too much time on my hands my brain just goes haywire. Even though working retail is really stressful I’ve never had a panic attack during work, I just feel better overall because I feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. I think I can manage to get them to keep me on long term. Because I’m a hard worker and I do everything I’m supposed to and more. So I feel like I have a good chance at getting a long term role with them after the temp period is over. They said they do that. And that there’s room for growth there. So that’s good.

Oh yeah, they have pajama day on the 23rd. So like everyone is supposed to wear Christmas snuggies that day at work. Lol

Excited to go to my friends house today. We’re gonna play some TCG and a tabletop board game. Should be a lot of fun. Been forever since we hung out.

5mg Desoxyn increases growth of brain cells possibly.

Anyways, almost finished vacation. Very very fun. I am relaxed, and will then go back to my restaurant job, as a new person.

Had a good time at my friends house. We played a tabletop RPG board game and a TCG. Gave him his Christmas present and he gave me mine. Got some new Digimon cards, some other TCG cards, some movies, and a new deck building game.

About to play Magic the gathering with my boyfriend. Been a good day. Came home from my friends and watched the old Rudolph the red nose reindeer movie. Have my Christmas tree on and the heat on because it’s really cold out. Just enjoying a cozy evening

My sister will drop off maybelles ashes to me on Saturday after she picks them up from the place

I got a new septum ring. Just a plain 14 gauge segment ring. I had a 16gauge circular barbell in it before. I like this better. Idk though. Part of me is always self conscious about my piercing and worries what people think and if I’m “to old” at 29. Etc. anyway, and because I did it myself like 6 months ago it wasn’t perfectly placed. But I feel like it looks pretty decent.

I want to go off the deep end manic and be an end with it

I'm sick of hearing everyone deals with the same **** yet lectures me for listening to specific journalists and not wanting to plant flowers in the middle of a lifelong, increasingly intensifying hurricane.

I don't give a **** anymore. Like wtf are we doing.. If we're just soulless like that.

I don't want hugs or cuddles until my memory and ego is completely erased again, and I'm dead. I'll be in heaven soon.

Although it's not that easy is it.

Ah.. I just need to calm down.

All is ok with nasal spray. I'll go to bed now.. 2am.. I make my own decisions and form my own opinions - No one influences me strongly.. That's important for people to know. My mind has been so open, that it fell out, many years ago. But I have balance.

Even my third last post, there's still an observer, observing the observer of my small episode.. And it stretches out beyond infinite time - To somewhere.. Here.. And isn't here ok? Yes, it is.. And that was what I knew. I still wrote it though.

Ah dude, I got my septum AND my eyebrows pierced last month AND I dyed my hair pink and purple. I’m 35. Never too old!

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That’s awesome! I want to get more tattoos eventually. Maybe more ear piercings. I have my ears stretched/gauged but I haven’t been wearing them because I don’t want work to get mad. They don’t seem to care about my nostril piercing. I keep my septum piercing out when I’m at work though because that’s a little more noticeable.

At my last job one of the supervisors had green hair and her eyebrow pierced.

Anyway, I just take out my septum piercing when going to work. I start my new job on Monday. Excited. A little nervous but mostly excited because I already have experience in this type of job and the manager seems a lot nicer than the last one. They have pajama day on the 23rd. I guess all associates are supposed to wear their Christmas pajamas to work that day lol

I seem to have managed to pull myself out of the depression I was in. I cleaned today. Still have more to do tomorrow but I am doing it piece by piece but I got a lot done today and it looks a lot better.

Tomorrow I just have to:

Vacuum entire apartment
Do 2 loads of laundry (clothes, then couch/chair covers)
Take out trash
Clean the shower stall
Clean the fridge and microwave
Clean counters

Everything else I did already today, I swept and mopped the bathroom and kitchen floors, cleaned the litterbox, took out most of the trash, cleaned my keurig coffeemaker, cleaned out my pantry of all expired items and unwanted stuff, cleaned the toilet and sink in the bathroom, did the dishes, organized a bunch of stuff in my closet, took boxes out to the trash. I organized all the wires plugged into my surge protector, it was a huge tangled mess, looks a ton better.

Oh yeah I need to clean the dust etc off my big air vent

Sometime in January I need to take my comforter to the laundromat because it is too big to wash in my apartments washer.

That's about it, trying to stay on top of it from now on and not let it get as bad. Idk I guess I just didn't have the energy when I was working or motivation and then Maybelle died and I was depressed. So I didn't clean for wayyy too long

My sister picked up maybelles ashes, she’s about to drop them off to me