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Blue_Bird
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Default Feb 26, 2024 at 11:09 AM
  #581
Oh jeeze, I just checked, my current laptop only has 8gb of RAM. No wonder it can barely run any games. Yeah 20gb is gonna be a huge upgrade

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Default Feb 26, 2024 at 07:46 PM
  #582
I'm thinking of doing one thing that scares me every day (What I think are positive things).

Should I do it?
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Default Feb 28, 2024 at 05:59 AM
  #583
My splurge with my state tax refund was I bought some crayola colored pencils, sketching pencils and a rubik's cube.

I considered getting better colored pencils but these are fine for now if I get more serious about drawing I can always get better in the future when I can afford it

The rubiks cube I'm gonna use as a fidget toy and I also want to learn how to solve them, my boyfriend is gonna teach me. J

ust trying to make sure I stick to a reasonable budget. The total for the colored pencils, sketching pencils, and rubik's cube was like $26, so that's not bad. I'm trying to build up my savings some cause it's not where I want it right now.

I'm holding off on the laptop because I need to have money set aside for vet visits for the cats. I need to take mocha for a checkup soon.

I still have my federal refund coming. That's a lot more. $160 of it is going to 4 violin lessons. (weekly) and the rest goes to household essentials, a vet visit for mocha, transportation to get to the vet and back (uber pet), phone bill, bus fare for my bus card, my netflix subscription and that's it.

I won't need to take Mustachio to the vet until this summer.

So those are the plans. I feel pretty good today. My mood is pretty good. My anxiety has been severely bad though. I really need to start taking my propranolol more often for that. I never take it, even though it helps a ton with the physical symptoms of anxiety. I've been sleeping a lot better with the thorazine increase. I had my volunteer shift with the kitties yesterday and it went well.

Not a whole lot going on today. They want me to decorate the bulletin boards in the building again, they said to pick items and they will order them and I can use them to decorate them. Should be fun.

I'm probably gonna sit outside later with some coffee. Gonna practice violin for an hour, and work through my music theory workbook some. I've developed calluses on my lefthand fingers. I have a violin lesson on Monday. I have to get bloodwork that day too. My psychiatrist said he'd prescribe some vitamin d along with my meds if my vitamin D levels are low (they probably are)

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Default Feb 28, 2024 at 12:16 PM
  #584
I have an interview at Walmart tomorrow

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Default Feb 28, 2024 at 12:17 PM
  #585
Itís a stocking job

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Default Feb 29, 2024 at 10:25 AM
  #586
So the job would be full time which I canít do because it would make me lose my disability benefits.

So I decided to do the ticket to work program with social security instead. Iím waiting to hear back from one of the network providers for ticket to work. I just left a message last night with one from the list they provided me with. They provide job placement, job coaching, onsite job coaching if necessary, benefits counseling, and job accomodations etc. you have like a 9 month trial period where you c an make as much money as you want without it affecting your benefits at all. Iím hoping to get a job where I only work like 15 hours a week. That would be a lot more manageable with my mental health. Canít do 45 hours a week. Even 20-25 when I was with my last job was pushing my limits with my mental health. 15 hours would be manageable.

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Default Feb 29, 2024 at 10:27 AM
  #587
I got a dialectical behavioral therapy workbook Iím working through. My paranoia and anxiety have been through the roof.

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Default Feb 29, 2024 at 10:40 AM
  #588
This forum is pretty much dead

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Default Feb 29, 2024 at 11:43 AM
  #589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
This forum is pretty much dead

Yeah sorry. I read but I donít have much to share.

I had a day at work on Tuesday of meetings, lunch, networking event, health coach talking about stress, and then a dinner and drinks. During the day was eh but dinner was fun. Had good conversations and food - it was all gluten free and dairy free.

Iím taking a risk management course still. And also taking an insurance course. Both go towards different certifications that will help me advance my career.

Not much else going on.

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Default Feb 29, 2024 at 02:34 PM
  #590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
I'm thinking of doing one thing that scares me every day (What I think are positive things).

Should I do it?
I'll take that as a no =[

We're snowed in, so couldn't go to the echocardiogram =[
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Default Yesterday at 01:34 AM
  #591
Hru BB? Roll Call seems to be dead (I think it's cuz of the deterioration of society, thus mental illness is more prevalent.. And the mods can't handle all of the cognitive impairment of people, so the forum deteriorates as well..). I come on here for you though, cuz you're doing really well, through it all... Considering how bad it is.

The main thing I worry about is the dissociation - And I will stay here with you until that is gone! With my stupid little attempting to be-enlightened posts..

Much peace and love (And of course, things could turn upside down for me as well, and I'll be suicidal again etc.. So it's all good).
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Default Yesterday at 09:32 AM
  #592
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Hru BB? Roll Call seems to be dead (I think it's cuz of the deterioration of society, thus mental illness is more prevalent.. And the mods can't handle all of the cognitive impairment of people, so the forum deteriorates as well..). I come on here for you though, cuz you're doing really well, through it all... Considering how bad it is.

The main thing I worry about is the dissociation - And I will stay here with you until that is gone! With my stupid little attempting to be-enlightened posts..

Much peace and love (And of course, things could turn upside down for me as well, and I'll be suicidal again etc.. So it's all good).
Thanks Desoxyn, Iím mostly doing well. I do still struggle with intense paranoia , anxiety and mood swings and dissociation but Iím trying to work on that through a DBT workbook and coping skills. Some days are really good, some days are horrible. Iím working on it though. I feel like a lot of that is just my borderline traits. I donít get suicidal anymore. I donít cut anymore. I donít mess with substances anymore. I havenít been inpatient in 7 years. And I was inpatient a TON before that. So Iím doing good in that sense. But I still struggle with the intense anxiety, paranoia, mood swings, anger , dissociation, and impulsiveness. I just am trying to work on it because I feel like itís something I have to work on. I donít feel like itís a thing my meds will solve. At least that portion of it. Thatís related to childhood trauma and chaotic upbringing.

Iím doing what I can, it takes a lot of work. I donít think Iíll ever be rid of this itís gonna be something I have to constantly actively work on. Idk. My recklessness calmed down with age. Iím 29 now. And am a lot better and more stable than I was when I was 19. But I still struggle a lot internally I guess

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Default Yesterday at 09:38 AM
  #593
I got my federal tax refund.

Got Five Guys takeout yesterday. Got a massive double bacon cheeseburger, Cajun fries, a chocolate peanut butter Oreo caramel milkshake with a whipped cream and a Coke. It was amazing. I still have fries left. They put so many fries in the bag at Five Guys.

Splurged some and got myself some really nice art supplies, a new journal, a nice Oral B electric toothbrush with a pack of replacement heads.

I also got some self care items like for the dissociation I bought a set of 2 reusable ice packs cause cold helps me when Iím dissociating or panicking. And I got Victoriaís Secret love spell body spray and lotion to motivate myself to shower.

Hereís what the ice packs look like
Attached Images
File Type: jpg IMG_2994.jpg (98.1 KB, 3 views)

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Default Yesterday at 05:36 PM
  #594
I start dissociating and panicking a little while ago so I made myself sit down and color in one of my mindfulness coloring pages while listening to a videogame podcast (about Zelda)
And I read for awhile. And journaled a lot. It seems the middle of the day to the evening are the worst times for me. I feel amazing in the mornings. But as the day goes on my anxiety gets worse and I get more paranoid and dissociated as the days goes on. Every single day.

Im going grocery shopping tomorrow for food and I'm gonna get some stuff to make some of the recipes from The Witcher Official Cookbook. Thereís a lot of awesome recipes in there.

I need something to do though something thatís highly distracting. I need to get out. Tomorrow after I take the bus to the grocery store and get that done Iím gonna take a walk to the dollar store to get my household essentials. Paper towels, dish soap, etc.

Iím gonna spend some time sitting outside in the little courtyard of my apartment building and read tomorrow too. Today itís been raining.

I might clean or something tonight. Just for something to do

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