Roll Call 202

I’m gonna finish that movie when I get home tonight, I forgot to finish it yesterday, I fell asleep early.

My bf has tomorrow (Saturday) off work. I work tomorrow from 3pm to 8pm so we’ll probably watch a show and maybe play a game when I get home since neither of us work on Easter Sunday so we don’t have to be up early. Then we can enjoy Easter Sunday watching shows, talking, and playing games together.

I’m getting a 1 year anniversary gift for him, which is gonna be a chessboard, and one for me too. We’re basically gonna try to play chess with the actual boards over FaceTime. Something fun about playing with actual game boards, or cards. Which is why we play yugioh TCG and Magic the gathering with the actual cards. Which took a bit to get used to cause it’s a little complicated playing that way over video but we got used to it now it’s no problem at all.

Still learning how to solve a Rubik’s cube! So far I’ve got the white cross down and the four corners down too. I can do that pretty fast. There’s only like a couple more steps and I’ll have finally learned to solve one in it’s entirety.

The Easter Bunny was just here! So cute!!!! I don't know how she got into the room, there's a mattress blocking the door.

Sent from my moto g 5G - 2023 using Tapatalk

Home from work. They had me do cashiering today. It was almost non stop busy. There were a few slow moments but it was mostly a steady stream of customers. Thankfully though the line didn’t extend throughout the store like it sometimes did at my last job. So yeah I started my cashier training today. It was a lot to learn. I mean it’s similar in some ways but different. Like all retail is similar but a little different in their processes and register software. So there was some new stuff to learn. But yeah, I’m worn out. My back hurts lol but I feel good. I don’t work until 3pm tomorrow so yay!! I can sleep in

I went on a vacation last week (this week technically). I guess I'm doing pretty well. (Well enough to go on a vacation). So that's cool. I'm glad I went. Since I was considering not going or at least doubting the ability I had to go since I recently had Covid.

I have been listening to The Brothers Karamozov by Dostoyevsky. It's good for the most part. I like the explications in it. Of different things. It's a book of ideas.

I have some work going on, though I'm not terribly excited about it.

I am still working on my thesis.

I always liked working retail. It was a bit nerve-wracking, but I liked it. Truly. I don't have that opportunity in the place in which I live, to work retail again, however, I'd love to work retail again. Until I have the opportunity (which realistically may never come), to work retail again, I will continue doing what I'm doing, which is a mix of translation and editing and things like that, but physical labor is much better for my mind to be honest.

Retail is nice for me because it’s so busy that there’s not a lot of time to think anxiety thoughts cause you’re constantly occupied doing stuff

I’m ordering takeout when I get home from work tonight. Partly for a kind of Easter celebration, partly because I know I’ll be too tired to go to the store to buy something and partly because I want to celebrate having a new job. But yeah, getting some McDonalds tonight from UberEats. Big Mac, fries, chocolate shake, ice cream sundae, and chicken nuggets. Yeah…. Don’t judge lol the chicken nuggets are for tomorrow lol know I’ll be super hungry when I get home. I work from 3pm to 7:45pm tonight so I’ll probably get home on the bus by around 8:30 -8:45pm.

I don't think there's a real chance of success for me cuz the world is so bleak.

I made my own success in a way.. spiritually, etc..

So I'll live my live in my own way. I don't even need a personality or anything. I'm just an entity or formation of computer code for this life.

I could self actualize - But I just see a low chance of even being okay within this reality in even 5 years.

So I enjoy life for now. I take the drugs to wake up and make it through the day, good enough for me.

I am in a bit of an existential nightmare/funk right now. I just find myself so depressed lately. Anyone have any tips to get out of it?

Happy Easter!

I just got diagnosed with ADHD lmao.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just got home from work. Did recovery on the sales floor the whole shift. Im worn out. Everything hurts, been standing for almost 6 hours straight. got over 12,000 steps today and I’ve been up since 3am and it’s almost 9pm right now. My bf paid for me to take an Uber to work. So I did that. I took the bus home though. But I have tomorrow off work thankfully. So I’m gonna order my food tomorrow. Don’t feel up to it tonight. I ran into my old supervisor from my last job on the bus tonight. She’s really nice. She was really the only nice person at that job. She said a lot of people left since I’ve left. I told her about my new job cause we were both getting off work right before we got on the bus tonight. Told her it’s a better environment for me and friendlier and more reasonable with their scheduling and she said she’s happy I found something especially something less stressful. Cause that place I worked before was a madhouse , it was busy constantly.

Had my McDonald’s which was awesome. I ordered it and it was here in in my hands under 15 min from the time I submitted the order. So fast.

I ordered the chessboards for my bf and I. So we’ll each have one. They should be here and there next weekend. Just in time for our 1 year anniversary.

I also got some new jeans and a new long sleeved t shirt.

Good morning. I work today, tuesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. It's only 4 hours - 4 hour 45 min shifts each time though so it's not too bad. Today I'm probably cashiering. Tomorrow I'm doing some kind of shipment processing so I'll have to be there early, 7am, but I get off at 11:45am. Today I work from 2pm to 6:45pm. Wednesday and Sunday are my days off. Wednesday I have a violin lesson and I'm gonna go grocery shopping, clean my apartment, and meal prep. Sunday my bf and I are celebrating our anniversary so we'll be cooking a meal together over FaceTime, and playing chess and watching some shows, and maybe some of the yugioh card game.

I either get paid this Friday or next friday. My first day was last wednesday. And they pay bi-weekly. Idk when their last pay was though so it's either this friday or next. Either way it should be a good size check.

I got the new battery for my laptop, it comes tomorrow. So I'm gonna put that in on Wednesday.

My anxiety in my home life is a lot less now that I've been working again. I'm not having panic attacks or dissociating. I have less time to sit at home overthinking things.\

Trying to make sure I have work/life balance. So am not thinking about work anxiety when I'm home. And am making time to practice violin, and do my other hobbies like art and gaming and watching shows, and reading. Spending time with my bf, keeping up with keeping my apartment clean, hygiene, sleep, eating balanced, spending time with my cats.

Random question but does anyone here have any experience with having social anxiety and working in retail? Does it get easier over time?. Probably what I struggle with most is customer interactions when I’m cashiering. It feels awkward and sometimes I trip up on what I have to say (they want us to offer them store credit cards etc) and I’m learning a new register system /software so there’s that too since it’s different from my last job and their processes vary in different ways.

I feel kinda slow sometimes, maybe it’s just because I’m learning a new register software. I’ve only had one day of training on their registers so far. Today will be the second day on register. Yesterday was sales floor. Tomorrow and Thursday I’m working on shipments. Which I’m not even sure what that entails. Like I think it’s taking stuff off the trucks or something. I’m sure I’ll get better at it. It’s only my 4th day there. I just worry about getting fired or something for not doing good enough or being slow at learning new stuff.

I was comfortable with the register system at my last job but that was 3 months of working there so I had time to get used to it.

I’m hoping this is the kind of job where a year from now I’ll be super comfortable with everything and kind of come out of my shell a bit more.

Idk. My biggest fear is getting let go. But I think I’ll be okay. Maybe. I’m trying at least. It’s not like I would be struggling financially if I lost the job but I would have my feelings hurt lol

Music and long brisk walks!

Sent from my moto g 5G - 2023 using Tapatalk

Thank you thank you! Much appreciated truly. I love music. I will try out the walk thing tomorrow when it is not as dark outside but I usually enjoy walking a ton.

I used to work retail, and I struggle enormously with social anxiety. What I found helpful was having a set script for customer interactions. If it did not go well, then I could call in a manager or something, but it at least minimized the stress a little bit. I don't know exactly what your job entails, but mine entailed selling and making coffees. So people could be a bit uptight. But there were also really awesome customers too. So perhaps that might help ease your stress a bit. The best thing for me also was to just keep reminding myself that I am awesome. It might sound egotistical, but just to keep reminding yourself that you are enough and you are important, is so helpful, I believe, at least it has been in my own case.

I also remember reading by something by the late Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, which said during an extensive experience of depression for him, that walking meditation helped him get through that tremendous sadness. For anyone who is feeling that way too...

Thank you that's a good tip. I tried to kind of exude confidence today. Today went really well, I did a great job cashiering, multiple people told me I did really well today. I actually like this job. The manager and assistant manager are both so kind and understanding. It's like polar opposite from my last job. I think I just get pre-work anxiety everytime before I go in

Today has been a good day. But I did nothing lol - Except chores like I do daily, shower etc..

Lately I just do a whole lot of nothing.. Why?

Off to work. It’s 5:45am. I work from 7am to 11am. I’m exhausted cause I didn’t get to sleep till almost midnight. I’m gonna stop at a pizza place on the way home and get a couple slices to bring home.

Work went well. Shipments was easy. It was a lot of physical work cause it was opening all the boxes from the truck and taking out all the clothing and unwrapping it then running it on the floor where it goes and breaking the boxes down. And it was a ton. But I did a good job and it went by fast. I stopped at the pizza place near my house on the way home and got a couple slices of pizza to bring home. Then I went to a housing meeting at my apartment complex and now I’m just listening to music and relaxing. I’m so physically worn out. I got 12,599 steps so far today and it’s only 1pm. Work is going well. The people at my job are so much friendlier than my last job including the managers, it’s a much better environment.

Glad I get tomorrow off. So I get to go grocery shopping, clean , do laundry and I have my violin lesson. I’m laying down right now and it feels so good. I’m so sore lol

Got my bill for the ADHD assessment and report from the psychologist. It was $2,025 in total, but my insurance covers 90% so I’m only paying $202.50 out of pocket. Not bad.

Other than that not much happening. Just work. Procrastinating a lot and then hyperfocusing. I notice more behavior as ADHD now lmao.

I see my doctor on Thursday.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Took a 2 hour nap. I really needed it. I’m still sore. Glad I have tomorrow off. I still have a lot to do though. Then I work Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

I found a recipe for honey lemon chicken made in the crockpot I’m gonna try tomorrow. I paid for tomorrow’s violin lesson and next weeks violin lesson.

My bf got me two really nice anniversary gifts. One is a chess strategy book by a prominent chess player. And one was these extremely high quality violin strings.

My body is broken. And I’m tired still. So I’m gonna attempt to watch some anime if I can stay awake for a bit then go to sleep.