Roll Call 202

That is awesome that you can watch 3 hour videos without pause. I aspire to be like that honestly. I cannot watch a movie through. I guess, unless, my girlfriend kind of tells me I have to or something like that. Ha.

Glad it helps you! It helps me too. Both journaling and posting on here. Even if I am talking to myself 75% of the time lol it still feels good to get things on your mind out

I’m the same way. The only way I can watch something straight through without pausing a million times and getting distracted by tons of random things is when I’m watching something with my bf because it’s kind of an accountability thing. I’m obviously not gonna randomly start pausing our shows and movies we watch together a bunch of times throughout and going down random rabbit holes online or whatever. I feel like watching something with someone is the best way for me to actually focus on something all the way through.

I literally can’t watch a 20 minute show by myself without getting distracted and pausing and coming back 5-6 times etc

Hey guys I read your posts just don’t have much to say.

I’m doing good. Eight days sober. I increased my escitalopram last week and I feel good. Happy even. I feel together.

Course going well. I have three quizzes left but I have to wait until I get access to do them. Course ends near the end of April. Then I have to do another exam with this association to get the proper certification documentation for this one course. I have to do that for each of the three courses then I’m certified.

After that I have my insurance course to work on and study. Should be done that around… August or so. I have to take the exam between mid July to mid September. The study group runs from May until August.

Then! I’ll probably sign up for the winter term for the second risk management course.

So I should have both certifications by sometime next year. Three courses each.

I’m excited for the future. Advancing my career.

Only thing is I’m recovering from an ear infection and I have swollen lymph nodes under my chin. It makes me worried a bit and I have to keep an eye on it because I’m worried sarcoidosis is back. I don’t want to have another necrotic lymph node that needs surgery to remove it. Hoping for the best.

Still waiting for biopsy results for the lump on my arm. Should be in a couple weeks. Maybe they’ll have to remove it. I have one on my face too. Idk what they’ll do.

But I’m optimistic. Happy. Doing good.

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Omg I’m always on my phone when I’m watching something. I can’t focus on one thing.

Only thing I can focus on without looking at my phone is a war documentary lol.

I can’t watch YouTube because I’m constantly distracted. And I can’t listen to audiobooks either.

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Glad things are going well!

I hope your results aren’t bad with the biopsy

I have a rash on my neck that’s been persistant the past couple weeks. It’s fairly small, and it’s like really dry patch of skin that’s red. It doesn’t really itch or anything but I do have a habit of rubbing that area off when im anxious. Idk what it is, I looked online and it could be several things. Exzcema , psoriasis , stress etc. I am hoping it’s nothing to worry about.

Yeah I got a Rubik’s cube for this purpose and it helps a bit but doesn’t solve it entirely. I know there’s various fidget toys available, this is the only one I’ve tried so far and it works a bit. Like I have to be doing something with my hands. While I’m watching something or listening to something otherwise I can’t focus at all. But in general I still am regularly pausing and getting distracted at least 6-8 times during a show even if it’s only 20 minutes. If it’s longer than an hour chances are I’ll start it and never get back to it. And start another show or movie then get distracted and never get back to that and on and on

I’ve been up for 26 hours. I always regret this when I do this these all nighters, my morning meds are kicking in and I just feel like my brain is melting

Paid for my next two violin lessons

I went to a special community meal downstairs the building put on for tenants, it was to show appreciation for the building passing inspection and tenants doing good and partly for St. Patrick's Day

I’m exhausted. Still up from yesterday morning. I just took my night meds even though it’s only going on 6pm. I need to sleep a solid 12 hours tonight

I found a bunch of new to me music on Spotifyand I’m just in a whole mood right now feeling exhausted but really good at the same time cause the music sounds so damn good right now idk if I’m hypomanic or what, but I’ve been feeling euphoric and its inspiring me with my own music. Something about when I’m hypomanic or manic music sounds almost ethereal in its intensity of how good it is

Trying to not impulse spend on **** I don’t need

I slept for 12 hours last night after only sleeping for 3 1/2 hours total in over 72 hours straight

Going to the hobbit hole wreath making event at the library tomorrow.

I feel good since I slept a lot, I definitely needed it.

I need to write more. Even though I write 750 words per day I feel like I need to write a novel or something...

Still feeling euphoric! But well rested so that’s good

Starting to plan out some of the details of my trip to spend a week with my bf in a couple months. We’re gonna try to find an airline that excepts ESAs cause my cats are ESAs and I’d like to bring Mocha with me on the flight. Mustachio I’m leaving home because she doesn’t do well with change or going places she gets really angry if you try to put her in a carrier. Mocha is really chill he doesn’t mind at all. So I’m likely gonna leave Mustachio home and set her up with enough food and water and whatnot and have a neighbor check on her if I need to while I’m gone. Plus having one of my cats with me on the flight will help my anxiety a lot. I haven’t flown since I was 12 and it was only one time. From Virginia to Florida and then back to Virginia. Almost all of my traveling has been by greyhound bus, train, or car.

But yeah this would be a flight from NY to Lexington KY so I’m not sure how long of a flight that would be. But yeah planes make me nervous. I know logically that they’re safer than cars but still, I’m not used to them.

I still have to get a suitcase and a carry on bag and an airline approved pet carrier. My bf is gonna get cat food and litter and a littlerbox for mocha while I’m there. He’s probably just gonna keep the cat food and stuff there cause we’ll be visiting eachother back and forth. So some stuff we’re just gonna start leaving at each others place to make things simpler.

I walked downtown to the library today. Got some books and spent some time there. I created a resume so I’m hoping that helps with getting me a job. I’ve never used one before.

Anyway, I realize that the stress of working is outweighed by the anxiety and paranoia and dissociation when I’m stuck at home all the time doing nothing so I am trying to find something part time.

I have Covid. Apparently it's not too severe since my lungs were completely clear at the medical center. They did some sort of radiology test and it ended up that my lungs were completely fine. And my lungs didn't sound bad either to the doctor. And I didn't have a fever (which was weird because I could have sworn I had a fever). And so I just have to basically chill for 5 days and take Tylenol for 3 of those 5 days. Then wear a mask for 5 days after that.

Feel better!

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Thanks!!!!