Roll Call 202

Thank you thank you! Much appreciated truly. I love music. I will try out the walk thing tomorrow when it is not as dark outside but I usually enjoy walking a ton.

I used to work retail, and I struggle enormously with social anxiety. What I found helpful was having a set script for customer interactions. If it did not go well, then I could call in a manager or something, but it at least minimized the stress a little bit. I don't know exactly what your job entails, but mine entailed selling and making coffees. So people could be a bit uptight. But there were also really awesome customers too. So perhaps that might help ease your stress a bit. The best thing for me also was to just keep reminding myself that I am awesome. It might sound egotistical, but just to keep reminding yourself that you are enough and you are important, is so helpful, I believe, at least it has been in my own case.

I also remember reading by something by the late Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, which said during an extensive experience of depression for him, that walking meditation helped him get through that tremendous sadness. For anyone who is feeling that way too...

Thank you that's a good tip. I tried to kind of exude confidence today. Today went really well, I did a great job cashiering, multiple people told me I did really well today. I actually like this job. The manager and assistant manager are both so kind and understanding. It's like polar opposite from my last job. I think I just get pre-work anxiety everytime before I go in

Today has been a good day. But I did nothing lol - Except chores like I do daily, shower etc..

Lately I just do a whole lot of nothing.. Why?

Off to work. It’s 5:45am. I work from 7am to 11am. I’m exhausted cause I didn’t get to sleep till almost midnight. I’m gonna stop at a pizza place on the way home and get a couple slices to bring home.

Work went well. Shipments was easy. It was a lot of physical work cause it was opening all the boxes from the truck and taking out all the clothing and unwrapping it then running it on the floor where it goes and breaking the boxes down. And it was a ton. But I did a good job and it went by fast. I stopped at the pizza place near my house on the way home and got a couple slices of pizza to bring home. Then I went to a housing meeting at my apartment complex and now I’m just listening to music and relaxing. I’m so physically worn out. I got 12,599 steps so far today and it’s only 1pm. Work is going well. The people at my job are so much friendlier than my last job including the managers, it’s a much better environment.

Glad I get tomorrow off. So I get to go grocery shopping, clean , do laundry and I have my violin lesson. I’m laying down right now and it feels so good. I’m so sore lol

Got my bill for the ADHD assessment and report from the psychologist. It was $2,025 in total, but my insurance covers 90% so I’m only paying $202.50 out of pocket. Not bad.

Other than that not much happening. Just work. Procrastinating a lot and then hyperfocusing. I notice more behavior as ADHD now lmao.

I see my doctor on Thursday.

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Took a 2 hour nap. I really needed it. I’m still sore. Glad I have tomorrow off. I still have a lot to do though. Then I work Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

I found a recipe for honey lemon chicken made in the crockpot I’m gonna try tomorrow. I paid for tomorrow’s violin lesson and next weeks violin lesson.

My bf got me two really nice anniversary gifts. One is a chess strategy book by a prominent chess player. And one was these extremely high quality violin strings.

My body is broken. And I’m tired still. So I’m gonna attempt to watch some anime if I can stay awake for a bit then go to sleep.

Well, things were well.

I had to go to a walk in last week because my mouth was sore and it was hard to eat and they said it was a cold sore. And they gave me an anti-viral.

I got a phone call earlier from the clinic and the tests came back and it’s not HSV (herpes cold sore virus) or strep, and I had to stop the anti-viral.

So now my mind is spinning. It’s not a cold sore. It’s not a burnt roof of my mouth. They couldn’t say what it is. Google makes me worry more that it’s like oral cancer or something.

I see my doctor on Thursday like I said so it’s something else I have to ask him about.

Hopefully it’s nothing too bad. I just am worried now.

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I had a good day off. Had my violin lesson, it went really well. Was able to set up my new webcam, and also was able to change the battery in my laptop to a new one myself. So that's really nice. Next step is to get a good quality recording mic so I can record better quality audio of my violin.

Got work tomorrow. 7am to 11:45am. It will be easy. It's a shipment day. So it's just unboxing shipments and putting them out. It goes by fast. Then I have my volunteer shift at 6pm to 8pm tomorrow too, with the cats. I'm supposed to be teaching someone how to do that job, so someone will be there too learning. So it's gonna be a long day.

I work tomorrow, friday, and saturday. But I get sunday, monday and tuesday off. So that will be nice.

Going grocery shopping tomorrow morning. Then have a meeting with my housing specialist. Then have work from 2pm to 6:45pm.

Getting the stuff to make two different recipes:

Shrimp scampi
Honey lemon chicken made in the slow cooker with rice and steamed broccol

I swear I need a rice cooker. I’m so bad at cooking rice.

Rice cookers are so worth it!!! Literally measure the rice, wash it, put it in the rice cooker with the required water, press start - just wait for rice to finish.

Soooo worth it.

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May have to buy one next paycheck then the Monday after next! Especially since a lot of the meals I want to do for like meal prepping involve rice I’m trying not to accumulate too many appliances but I think that would definitely be worth it.

Oh wow the prices for them are a lot better than I imagined. I’ll definitely grab one in a week or so

So next paycheck I’ll get one of these. I’m debating which one. The white one is $20, the other one is $30 but it is digital.

Any ideas which one to go for?

This will be so much better than standing over a stove watching rice cook, and it coming out bad lol

Mental health check in:

I’m doing well, my mood is good. My anxiety is.. good on days I’m working and bad on days I’m not working. Cause I end up staying at home on my days off overthinking things and I end up dissociating and having panic attacks. On days I’m working it’s fine cause I’m so busy I don’t have time to dwell on my anxiety and get overwhelmed by it and it being a extremely physically active job probably provides a lot of the same benefits as exercise in terms of improving mood and focus, anxiety etc. as much as I love days off I start getting antsy and fall back into my dissociation pretty quickly when I’m not active.

I do still get work anxiety, like anxiety about going to work. Pre-work anxiety or whatever. But it goes away once I’m there. It’s just anticipation anxiety.

But yeah I work tomorrow and Saturday then I have three days in a row off. Sunday will be spent with my bf because our 1 year anniversary is Monday and we both have Sunday off. Monday and Tuesday he’s working, I have those days off though so I’m hoping to not fall into dissociation and waste the days spacing out. I always feel better when we talk and whatnot or spend time together. Like today I was dissociating extremely bad earlier and he called on his way to work and we talked for like 45 min and I felt a lot better after that and more grounded. Something about him always grounds me or improves my mood no matter what’s going on.

We’re planning on me flying down there in like 2 months from now. We have to plan all the details like flights, Uber ride for me to the airport, arranging care for my cats while I’m gone for a week, and arranging time off work. So yeah a lot of planning and money saving in the next two months. In preparation. I still have to get luggage I don’t even have that because I don’t ever travel. Lots to plan