Roll Call 202

I’m in the process of learning how to play chess. It’s so over my head right now lol but I’m trying to learn it.

Violin lessons been going really well. My violin teacher is happy with my progress., she’s very supportive. I’m learning a lot and feel like I’ve gotten at least a bit better over the past 6 months. I’m quite a bit better ant sight reading music now. And playing notes accurately. And doing slurs with the bow.

And surprisingly have gotten to where I can make time to practice nearly every single day. Ideally for 1 hour. At least 30 min on extremely busy days. More than an hour on days I’m not super busy. Right now I’m learning vibrato. And some other stuff. But yeah I love playing the violin. It makes me happy and inspires me.

I have a lot of hobbies . I draw too and I enjoy that as well but music is really my thing that I love the most and have loved since I was like 7 years old when I started playing violin in my schools orchestra. It’s what I dedicate the most time to and what I want to improve in the most.

We felt the earthquake here in upstate New York. The one from Taiwan. The building started shaking and my couch started shaking too. I didn’t know what the hell it was till my neighbor asked if I felt the earthquake, I didn’t know there was gonna be one. Mustachio was freaked out

Actually looks like it was a 4.8 one that originated in New Jersey. How strange.

Work went well. I’m home now relaxing my sore body lol

My galaxy themed keyboard cover came today!!

I bought the rice cooker

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I ended up going with this one, will be here Sunday. I’m gonna try making some brown rice in it next week when I make the crockpot honey lemon chicken and steamed broccoli to go with it

I’m trying to learn to cook more. This Sunday I’m making shrimp scampi with linguine

I'm so tired.. I can't see..

The solar eclipse will happen, and then all of my pain will be over..

It's very hard to continue.

I know I will withdraw from stimulants one day. All they do is help me focus. They wear off after I go to sleep. But I'm awake now, after they've worn off.

I'm not as smart as I was. I have many flaws - No.. Shut up @me! Stop that.. Stop that right now..

Ok.. And.. I spend too much time perceiving broken pieces of mind. I'm doing well, considering all that has happened.

But maybe I want to force everyone to watch the world burn with me - So they can see.. that my hopelessness isn't a delusion. But that's pure evil.. I just want people to be happy, and free.. I'm free.. I can be happy if I want to..

Sometimes I want to be in the 12th stage of consciousness, I think I was.. I have to stop self medicating, so I can use psilocybin again (That's rational to me.. Who knows what is truly 100% rational, that's like explaining what reality is.. I have no problem with anyone)..

I just don't want people to not have sentience. Truth is.. (I'll post later...too tired..) What matters creative theoretical religious things i say.. Stop that.. Stop that right now, again..

My head must hit the floor and crack open, like an egg.. That's the only way I can change the past..

I am doing well today - sometimes I doubt things and the way things are going but today is good.

I got grocery delivery today. Didn’t feel up to going to the grocery store. Got everything on my list.

Have work tonight from 3pm to 7pm. 3 hour 45 min shift and a 15 min break.

I get such bad pre-work anxiety. Idk if that will ever go away or if that’s normal for everyone. But yeah, work tonight. Then I can come home and go to sleep and sleep in tomorrow. (I have been up since yesterday morning so over 24 hours now. )

I’m a little frustrated because usps tried to deliver my bfs chessboard to him today I got him and it said delivery unsuccessful due to there not being a secure location to leave package. And he’s sleeping right now because he works nights. So I guess I’ll see if they can reattempt the delivery. There’s not really a day he’ll be home though to get it cause he’s sleeps during the mornings /afternoon and works in the evenings/late nights. And there’s not really time for him to go pick it up at the post office cause of his hours being the way they are. So I’m frustrated about that, it was supposed to be there today in time for our anniversary dinner tomorrow.

Yeah…I feel okay. I’m exhausted. Just ready for tonight to be done so I can come home and sleep. My mind is telling me to stay home and sleep. But I’m trying not to.

Terrible day, overwhelmed, cried

Trying to feel divinity.. I'm feeling better though. It still won't stop though. I need to process.

I'm so depressed, underneath the drugs. But I'll stop using them eventually and face life.

I was able to DoorDash the solar eclipse glasses tonight after I just got home from work. So they’ll be here any minute so I’m ready for Monday. And I’m gonna DoorDash the wine for the shrimp scampi tomorrow when the liquor store is open

I got my employee discount card in the mail today

I drank a beer last night. It's not so bad, I suppose. I am not too worried about it.

Good morning! I feel better this morning =]

I iced my back last night after work. It helped me fall asleep because it was numb from the cold so I couldn’t feel the pain for a bit. I slept pretty good. I fell asleep on the loveseat in my living room about 12am and woke up around noon 11:45am. So I slept almost 12 hours. I really needed it. I’m still sore but less so today.

3 days off!! Yay!! Gonna enjoy them. My bf and I are making shrimp scampi today and homemade fruit sorbet for dessert to celebrate tomorrow which is our 1 year anniversary.

Got my white wine delivered a few minutes ago, cool because I’ll have a couple glasses left in the bottle after I cook with some of it that I can enjoy over the next couple days

Made some egg avocado toast

Just saw the solar eclipse!! Super happy I got to see it as I missed the one in 2017. Anyway, I got called in to work tonight so I’m working from 5:30pm to 9:30pm but after that when I get home my bf and I are gonna make the shrimp scampi