Roll Call 202

Blue_Bird · Apr 29, 2024 at 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

My paranoia is worse lately. I feel funny about saying anything to post. I don't feel well, I'm in horrible pain when I walk and i wish

Possible trigger:

I could go now.

I wish I could go home. I think I posted before that I'd like to take a vacation in my old apartment blissfully alone with my own bathroom, a coffee maker, a fridge full of food, a TV, etc. It would be amazing. I want to go home and get a cat. Maybe I can work out something with my friend where I could live there but not encroach beyond my own small room. I just want to go home. I'm so SICK of it HERE. Five people sharing 1 bathroom. It's a horrible situation now. One of my roommates died and I don't like the replacement roommate. I'd be so happy just to go home and live with a cat. Maybe my legs would get better.

That's the other thing here, I've been in crazy pain for months now. I started taking a supplement for it but I don't know if it will help much. There's a 3 week starter plan. I'm only on my 2nd week.

I saw a news story about a package having been sent with a cat in it accidentally. It's the crazy cat lady starter kit. The cat was ok!

I think I could be happy.

Sent from my moto g 5G - 2023 using Tapatalk

I saw that news story too! That’s crazy, I would be panicking so much if I somehow accidentally shipped one of my cats to Amazon with a return, I’m glad the cat got returned okay though.

I’m sorry about your situation , I hope you’re able to get into your own place eventually or move in with your friend. Are you able to get into supportive housing? That’s what I am. I have my own apartment I live in by myself and am independent and have my two cats. But there are staff that work downstairs in the main lobby that you meet with monthly to go over goals and whatnot and there’s a security guard in the lobby 24 hours a day 7 days a week that walk the halls and do their rounds once an hour to check and make sure everything is okay in the building.

Idk if they have that where you are but I’ve found it helpful. Eventually though I am moving to a different state to live with my bf in September.

Angelique67 · Apr 29, 2024 at 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I saw that news story too! That’s crazy, I would be panicking so much if I somehow accidentally shipped one of my cats to Amazon with a return, I’m glad the cat got returned okay though.

I’m sorry about your situation , I hope you’re able to get into your own place eventually or move in with your friend. Are you able to get into supportive housing? That’s what I am. I have my own apartment I live in by myself and am independent and have my two cats. But there are staff that work downstairs in the main lobby that you meet with monthly to go over goals and whatnot and there’s a security guard in the lobby 24 hours a day 7 days a week that walk the halls and do their rounds once an hour to check and make sure everything is okay in the building.

Idk if they have that where you are but I’ve found it helpful. Eventually though I am moving to a different state to live with my bf in September.

Yes!

I might try to get on a waiting list for the type of place you've been in. I almost did in my second to last apartment. But I didn't want to live in that town. Everything was closing up. I'm going to talk to my friend about it. He probably won't like the idea.

Sent from my moto g 5G - 2023 using Tapatalk

Blue_Bird · Apr 29, 2024 at 03:22 PM

Had a good violin lesson today. Also now that I’m not working I’m back to volunteering with the cat rescue. So I have time for that now which I’m happy about.

I’m moving in September in with my bf. I think it will be really good for me. Being around another person and people regularly. I will be getting a job at his job which is basically an assembly line but it pays really well like $20 an hour , I think he just got up to $22 an hour now. So we’ll both be working there. Eventually I’m gonna face my fear of driving and learn to drive. But yeah that’s the plan. So no more retail , yay!!

Blue_Bird · Apr 29, 2024 at 04:49 PM

Mustachio is so weird. She growls whenever she hears someone walking anywhere near my front door like a guard dog or something

Blue_Bird · Apr 29, 2024 at 04:53 PM

Today was a good day. I went to the pharmacy and picked up my meds. I walked on the treadmill. I had my violin lesson, then after that I practiced violin and took a shower. And I had some coffee. So yeah it’s been good. Also I get paid tonight. So I’m gonna put part of it towards my 2 upcoming violin lessons and part of it towards groceries tomorrow. I’m getting the stuff to make crockpot pulled bbq chicken and am having it on hamburger buns with coleslaw on top.

Tomorrow I’m ordering groceries from my local grocery store. Cooking. Practicing violin, cleaning and trying to learn how to play chess

Desoxyn · May 01, 2024 at 06:05 PM

What am I supposed to do with my movement and eyes?

Angelique67 · May 02, 2024 at 11:10 PM

I'm so hungry. They didn't give me a snack tonight. All I have is a big box of jams that I use for snacks.

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Blue_Bird · May 04, 2024 at 07:50 PM

Possible trigger:

going through a bad depressive phase right now. I think I was manic or mixed for a couple weeks/maybe a month now it’s shifted over to sui thoughts and self hatred and crying randomly.

I spent too much money, barely slept, skipped meds left and right, got high almost everyday (I got too high last night, it just got to a point where I felt like I was dying and drifting off to another dimension, I don’t think weed is bad in moderation but I took 7 hits off my vape pen yesterday and the 6th and 7th were what sent me off basically to being beyond ****ed up where I realized way overdid it and it was kind of scary, and was extremely hyper sexual. And I got into a huge argument with my sister. Actually more like I went off on her impulsively over text and my mood swings have been wild. But it all came crashing down yesterday now I just hate myself

Blue_Bird · May 04, 2024 at 07:55 PM

Anyway, that’s what’s up with me lately. I’m trying to get back on track though.

Desoxyn · May 05, 2024 at 12:20 AM

Sorry BB

No more weed.. Just one puff, that's all you need from a vape pen. It's strong AF.

I went for a hike today. I worked this morning. I don't feel very accomplished - A friend got jealous that I feel for a girl... and got me to block her. I'm tired of nonsense like this. He's deeply in love with me - I love him as a friend - He helped me with my trauma for 2 years and then tore it all down - Saying I'm immature, fake, a terrible person, and that I will burn in hell - Then regretted it badly. So I said sorry to her, but in any way I don't want relationships - I can't put in the long term effort.. I just want to be alone and study neurons etc...

Why do people love me.. All I do is hallucinate and overthink in isolation. But I have a lot of empathy, more than I realized.. It's like a loot of empathy - But I'm not an "empath" or anything special like that.

Maybe this forum helped idk.. Although I've always been this way as a kid - School was way too harsh for me.. The real world is harsh. I need to grow up.. But I want to keep my sense of wonder, curiosity, etc.. I want to grow up as in, I want the LIFE grow in me...

Blue_Bird · May 05, 2024 at 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Sorry BB

No more weed.. Just one puff, that's all you need from a vape pen. It's strong AF.

I went for a hike today. I worked this morning. I don't feel very accomplished - A friend got jealous that I feel for a girl... and got me to block her. I'm tired of nonsense like this. He's deeply in love with me - I love him as a friend - He helped me with my trauma for 2 years and then tore it all down - Saying I'm immature, fake, a terrible person, and that I will burn in hell - Then regretted it badly. So I said sorry to her, but in any way I don't want relationships - I can't put in the long term effort.. I just want to be alone and study neurons etc...

Why do people love me.. All I do is hallucinate and overthink in isolation. But I have a lot of empathy, more than I realized.. It's like a loot of empathy - But I'm not an "empath" or anything special like that.

Maybe this forum helped idk.. Although I've always been this way as a kid - School was way too harsh for me.. The real world is harsh. I need to grow up.. But I want to keep my sense of wonder, curiosity, etc.. I want to grow up as in, I want the LIFE grow in me...

Hope you enjoyed the hike, that sounds nice. And you’re definitely accomplished even if it may not feel that way

I’m trying to exercise daily, I feel it helps my mood a lot

Blue_Bird · May 05, 2024 at 11:40 AM

Possible trigger:

I did get some of those gummies, one container is of 5mg THC/25mg CBD gummies,and the other container is delta 9 , 10mg THC indica. I’m putting a hard limit on myself with the smoking and the gummies. So like I’m not gonna do it every single day. And when I do that it’s gonna be when I complete everything I need to do first for the day. And it’s not gonna be more than 2-3 hits of the vape and no more than one gummy and not combined.

I definitely went overboard the pst few weeks. But I haven’t vaped since Friday. So that’s good. And I plan on taking a couple week break from all of it. Then approach it again but in moderation.

But yeah… I have a violin lesson today so I’m happy about that. I love my lessons.

And I drew this the other day, it’s a character from pokemon.

Gettin into eating healthy and exercising daily.

Blue_Bird · May 05, 2024 at 11:44 AM

I can officially play the entirety of part A of Bach’s Minuet in G on violin

Desoxyn · May 07, 2024 at 02:16 AM

We all share the struggle, in this world. Some people can do it, they can do it all by themselves - Or with the support of others, and become something, or just keep themselves stable enough to continue.. We are all to share the love. That's really it.. The goal is to die with a fulfilled life, it's like fireworks man.

You can be at peace with it. You can lose everything, and die alone - A horrible, miserable death. And what perception comes from the unknown is what we give to ourselves, either way.

Like a computer program, from 1's and 0's - It all complexifies, infinitely - Through fractals.. nexus points.. All divine sparks, of good and evil.. All one. Love and God.

Desoxyn · May 07, 2024 at 11:07 PM

I need to tell my psychiatrist on Friday that I'm doing bad in all ways but somehow still functioning in all ways

Blue_Bird · May 08, 2024 at 02:53 PM

I'm not doing well at all, I'm trying to make positive changes though

Desoxyn · May 08, 2024 at 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm not doing well at all, I'm trying to make positive changes though

You will feel well in no time!

*Writes creative things*

There we go.

No but .. It gets better, ups and downs.. Throughout the whole cosmos-universe - At the speed of light always, right into the centre of the mind - Where Jesus is, Buddha, etc..

And magic happens through. If I were to just sleep.. for a long time, that wouldn't be ok... We need to be alive, and nourish our souls..

No machines here. When they are our masters, an evil place takes hold - And we are to fight to get out of the Matrix..

Blue_Bird · May 09, 2024 at 03:13 AM

Possible trigger:

I tried one of those edibles/gummies last night. It took an hour and a half then it hit me like a freight train and I had a really bad panic attack where I was as convinced I was dying. I still feel it but it feels better now. I’m glad I only took the 5mg one , I have 10mg ones but I am waiting till I get used to these to try those. Long story short wow edibles are strong and they hit you out of nowhere. It wasn’t a bad experience. My bf helped calm me down enough to where I got through the panic attack and could enjoy it. But yeah I’m glad I am trying them now at 29 years old when I’m a little less impulsive than when I was 18. If I tried them back then I would have impulsively overdid it and took a bunch and probably gotten so messed up I’d have ended up in the ER

Blue_Bird · May 09, 2024 at 03:14 AM

I have an appointment with my therapist later today. I haven’t slept. I can’t fall asleep

Desoxyn · May 10, 2024 at 05:07 PM

I have negative symptoms, so psychiatrist wants to switch me to Vraylar (And then phase out the Invega), but disability doesn't cover it.

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Roll Call 202

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,486 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 04:49 PM #864 Mustachio is so weird. She growls whenever she hears someone walking anywhere near my front door like a guard dog or something __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	May 01, 2024 at 06:05 PM #866 What am I supposed to do with my movement and eyes?

Angelique67 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2014 Location: USA Posts: 22,125 (SuperPoster!) 10	May 02, 2024 at 11:10 PM #867 I'm so hungry. They didn't give me a snack tonight. All I have is a big box of jams that I use for snacks. Sent from my moto g 5G - 2023 using Tapatalk

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,486 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	May 04, 2024 at 07:55 PM #869 Anyway, that’s what’s up with me lately. I’m trying to get back on track though. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,486 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	May 05, 2024 at 11:44 AM #873 I can officially play the entirety of part A of Bach’s Minuet in G on violin __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	May 07, 2024 at 11:07 PM #875 I need to tell my psychiatrist on Friday that I'm doing bad in all ways but somehow still functioning in all ways

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,486 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	May 08, 2024 at 02:53 PM #876 I'm not doing well at all, I'm trying to make positive changes though __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,486 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	May 09, 2024 at 03:14 AM #879 I have an appointment with my therapist later today. I haven’t slept. I can’t fall asleep __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	May 10, 2024 at 05:07 PM #880 I have negative symptoms, so psychiatrist wants to switch me to Vraylar (And then phase out the Invega), but disability doesn't cover it.