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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,001
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7 4,918 hugs
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#901
I started the 1.5mg of Vraylar this morning. Seems kind of speedy.
I was looking at my genome, and the dopamine gene mutations - I don't understand them. It brought me into a scattered rabbit hole, where I don't know exactly what I'm doing. My alertness, attention and concentration is good though, very good.. What else am I to do.. I don't make sense. I'm nonsense. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,001
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,918 hugs
given |
#902
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Atypical_Disaster
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
13 7,354 hugs
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#903
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Desoxyn
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
13 7,354 hugs
given |
#904
So all the stuff has been getting worse for me again. I had 12 rounds of bilateral ECT in 2021.. I need more of it because holy **** it helped me. A lot.
It’s not nearly as scary as it sounds. Promise. |
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn
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Blue_Bird, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,001
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,918 hugs
given |
#905
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,001
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,918 hugs
given |
#906
Today, another 1.5mg of Vraylar. I felt very slightly sedated (Like an apathetic antidepressed state, kind of lazy or something, but feeling good).
Tomorrow, I take another - It will be the 3rd day sober/drug free (Except nicotine gum and coffee). I plan to be sober for about a month or more (I can do many other psychonaut things that don’t involve psychoactive substances such as meditation, mindfulness, experiencing new things - Cuz remember all of this schiz stuff happened when I was basically a kid. I needed to figure out reality.. How was I supposed to do that in complete isolation of all forms/solitary confinement?). One thing that’s interesting is that my cognition isn’t better, but it’s stronger.. I don’t get frustrated as easily (Could also be because of stopping small doses of the worlds most addictive substances). I think meditation would be really helpful in strengthening these types of abilities that I can gain. I can concentrate on high cognitive load tasks for longer without feeling pain or anxiety. And of course, I’d always leave time for the hyper novelty - And when I do that, I mean what I do best.. The craziest seeking of truth, knowledge, wisdom - Back then, I did it all in my head with internalized focus (Introspection is good, and entertains me.. I just need to socialize so I can formulate my ideas, concepts, thoughts, trying to agree mutually on our subjective patterns recognition etc). Externalized focus is more stimulating hypernovelty - In visual and auditory form (I was deprived of this type of hypernovelty cuz there was only 100GB of wifi per month in the prairies, and I used it all in trying to connect with people cuz I was lonely - But moving to this new place, I’ve been learning so much with a balanced life every day since 2019 -*I-Learned-A-Lot*, from the neuroplasticity from the big trip - I took in a lot of information very quickly). Nature is also novelty, I try to get out more for hiking etc - We’re going for another massive hike in 2 months for my birthday, so I gotta be fit for that - And exercise increases BDNF and all feel good chemicals, also neurogenesis. After getting off olanzepine using ket once I was stable, I saw “life is life” more and more.. Now I’m not afraid of death (Except when I had severe heart-OCD, but that could have actually helped with the process). Evil is for against life, and I want to transcend, have self-actualization, love and have fun, help others etc, try to be a good person - And reach for the stars, or most beautiful human realms I can realize on this earth, then up there to the astral/ethereal realm etc, looking at the heavens, knowing the hells anyone is capable of, my shadow, all that. The zopiclone has kicked in.. I must.. fall asleep.. Hugs to all ^-; |
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Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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#907
I’m doing well. The med increases are helping a lot. I’ve been sleeping every night. My mood is a lot more level. I’m not irritable af all the time now. I’m not impulsively texting all the time, I have a habit of texting my sister especially every thought and whatnot that comes into my head when I’m manic and I know it can get overbearing and I feel bad about that but I haven’t messaged her in like 5 days except last night because she said she’s gonna come over today and bring some takeout. I stopped impulsively breaking up with my boyfriend.
I’m not feeling hypersexual anymore, that was like through the roof. I recall getting this way last spring as well. I stopped obsessively applying for jobs. My psychiatrist said it’s good I quit the retail job because I shouldn’t be working at a job that’s hours are so unpredictable especially with the late shifts and it screwing up my sleep. So yeah just focusing on getting better now __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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#908
I cleaned today. First time I’ve cleaned in quite awhile. My apartments been a whirlwind of a mess lately. So that’s good. Last thing I have to do is vacuum
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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10 14.4k hugs
given |
#909
I have a volunteer shift tomorrow. They texted and asked if I could cover another’s shift. Then I have two Sundays in June that I’m volunteering also because they need someone to volunteer two Sundays a month so I’m doing that too.
I finished vacuuming. Took a shower. Waiting for my sister to let me know what time she’s coming over. Apartment looks pretty good. __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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#910
I’m taking a social media break for 3 months, so if you don’t see me around here or on Facebook that’s why , I’m not in the hospital I’m just taking a break cause I feel like I’m on my phone too much sometimes.
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,001
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,918 hugs
given |
#911
I want to take a break from Discord. It's pure torture.
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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#912
So much for avoiding social media lol I can’t stop going on it. I like sharing things
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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cogladaid
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,781
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10 14.4k hugs
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#913
I’m doing well on my med increases. I had my volunteer shift yesterday with the cats. Then I went to a vision board making thing at my apartment buildings sister location. So it was a busy day. The program manager drove me there so I could attend. It was a lot of fun and I’m really happy with how my vision board came out. I hung it up next on the wall next to my bed
I got on the treadmill for 45 minutes today. Then after that I took a 10 min walk outside. As far as the rest of the day goes I just am gonna practice violin. I’m finally below 170 lbs. I was stuck around 170-178 forever but I weighed myself today and I was 169. I’m trying to eat healthier. It’s hard cause I’m obsessed with sugary stuff but I’m trying to just keep it out of the house. According to a weight loss calculator thing I can eat around 1800 calories a day based on my activity level etc and reach my weight goal in 8 months. __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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