Roll Call 202

I'm not doing well at all, I'm trying to make positive changes though

You will feel well in no time!

*Writes creative things*

There we go.

No but .. It gets better, ups and downs.. Throughout the whole cosmos-universe - At the speed of light always, right into the centre of the mind - Where Jesus is, Buddha, etc..

And magic happens through. If I were to just sleep.. for a long time, that wouldn't be ok... We need to be alive, and nourish our souls..

No machines here. When they are our masters, an evil place takes hold - And we are to fight to get out of the Matrix..

I have an appointment with my therapist later today. I haven’t slept. I can’t fall asleep

I have negative symptoms, so psychiatrist wants to switch me to Vraylar (And then phase out the Invega), but disability doesn't cover it.

Mother's Day is so depressing around here. If you havent had kids you're a weirdo. I wish it weren't dinner time. I'm not in the mood to eat. I hate Sundays. I should have read books on Sundays when I was little so I'd at least enjoy the day.

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Has anyone heard from Blue_Bird ? I have a feeling she's in the hospital. I hope she's ok.

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I’m here, I just haven’t posted cause nobody else has really been posting. I was manic for awhile I talked to my therapist though earlier this week on Thursday I scheduled an additional appointment cause I needed help and am working on my sleep right now, and I see my therapist again this coming Thursday and my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I still feel impulsive but my sleep has been better

We basically talked about the mood swings, the anger, the paranoia, the impulsiveness. This has been kind of brewing for awhile now and started with the impulsively getting jobs then impulsively quitting then impulsively spending too much money, going through a hyper sexual phase, then starting using the edibles and vaping THC (don’t get me wrong I think it’s okay to do that but I did mention it to my therapist because I feel it might be important for them to be aware of anything like that since I’m aware it can affect mood and anxiety and I don’t want to hide anything from them even though it’s legal here etc but I’ve had these issues longer than I’ve been smoking or taking edibles ) but yeah basically first step is to get sleep under control. I was going 2-3 days at a time with no sleep and when I was sleeping it was like 2-3 hours per night. I’ve managed to get a full night of sleep the past two nights in a row

I had a volunteer shift with the rescue cats today. It went well. I also got on the treadmill for 30 min when I got home. I have to get some bloodwork done tomorrow for my psychiatrist. Then Tuesday I have an appointment with my program manager to work on goals. Then Wednesday I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. Then Thursday I see my therapist again.

Idk if they’re gonna do anything about my meds, we’ll see. It might be time to change something. I’ve been on these exact meds a few years now.

I’m trying to get on track, somehow. Sleep is the most important thing right now.

I also got rid of all the coffee in my house. So no more coffee for me. It makes my already bad anxiety worse. And I don’t know how to do moderation with it so I got rid of it. I’m just relaxing right now. I took my night meds about an hour ago. Hoping to get to sleep by 10pm and get up around 6am. Ugh this coming week is gonna be exhausting, so many appointments

Oh God.. the suffering.. so much suffering...

That's good news! I'm glad you're ok! I hope you'll get some sleep soon.

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I had a good restful sleep, woke up - Things kicked in, feeling good!

I'll go for a hike RN - And then when I come back, I'll continue reading the book =]

I want to make a lot of money.. I'm not sure how, but I will.. And also to survive harshest conditions, like a Navy Seal training type thing.

I can't focus without oxytocin, but dopamine meds are a good replacement.

I'm microdosing now too - And taking Lion's Mane mushroom.

My psychiatrist will send samples of Vraylar in the mail soon. I think I start with 1.5mg.

Oh crap I forgot.. I have to go get the Invega Trinza injection.. I don't really need it anymore cuz of dimethyltryptamine..

Thanks for thinking of me!

You're welcome, I always hope the best for you.

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Saw my psychiatrist today. He increased my Thorazine, increased my abilify, and decreased my Zoloft.

He said it’s pretty common for people with bipolar to need to have their meds adjusted in the spring. And he said he wished I had come in sooner because he could have helped me and to not feel shy about calling if I need help before a scheduled appointment that he could always fit me in during or before his lunch break.

He also said he’s glad I quit the retail job and that that type of job is bad for someone like me especially with the hours messing up my sleep.

I see my pdoc in a few hours, anxious

I’m alive.

Started my med increases yesterday. Slept a ton last night, like 8:30pm to 11am. Had very bizarre intense dreams. Have an appointment with my therapist in a couple hours.

I feel very slowed down

wow the violin, i play piano. i tried violin on my own but just could not do it. i am also beggining flute. i love music and listen to it all day long while cleaning house.

I started playing violin in my elementary schools orchestra when I was a little kid. Played till middle school then dropped it halfway through middle school. Then picked it back up a year ago at 29 and started taking lessons with a violin teacher over video chat and it’s helped a lot and I love it. I also play some ukulele and keyboard but my main instrument is violin, that’s the one I love the most and because I’ve been drawn to it since I was like 8 years old. But I love music in general and want to get better on all the instruments I have. I currently have two ukuleles (a soprano and a tenor) and a piano keyboard, and my violin.

Walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes on a level 5 incline at 2.6 speed. Trying to also start taking a long walk outside everyday too in addition to the treadmill everyday.

Gotta practice violin later today. I kind of fell off my practice schedule the past week. Need to get back to it. We’re working on Vivaldis Concerto in A Minor. It’s gonna probably take a few months to learn the entire thing. It’s pretty long and the most advanced thing I’ve done as of yet. Right now I’m working on various scales to prepare for it. Then I need to get comfortable with switching between 1st and 2nd position.

I slept well. I have this vision board event I’m going to on Monday.

Spending time with my bf because he has a three day weekend off work starting today.

I’m really tired due to my med increases but I feel fine.

I was feeling really stressed and dissociated yesterday evening but I made myself color in my coloring book to kind of ground myself and cook and take a shower then it went away.

These are my current meds now after the increases in the abilify and Thorazine and the decrease in Zoloft

Abilify - 20mg (up from 15mg)
Trileptal - 1500 mg
Zoloft - 150mg (down from 200mg)
Thorazine - 400mg (up from 300mg)

And my PRN med is propranolol 10mg for anxiety