[miss h]

PLEASE HELP! I'M NEW HERE!!! I think I have paranoid schizophrenia. I was so ill I thought my local care team e.g. nurse/doc etc were putting all these tests out for me IN THE COMMUNITY to see if I was independent or not.

I was so convinced I was a secret agent that I believed it was my job to protect my local area. I was picking up rubbish on the streets, reporting abandoned tv sets, calling up the council, bus company, energy companies, the police, fire brigade and ambulance service of any potential disasters.

I ended up sweeping lots of broken glass in a greenery/park area convinced my nurse and social worker etc had deliberately got people to put it there so i would see it and if i was independent i would report it and if I didn't i was not and would be considered a risk. all this was logical at the time.

It was so bad that after my night time three hour clean up of glass a man in a car approached me saying he had noticed me sweeping up the glass and offered me a ride home. I WAS SO CONVINCED HE'D BEEN SENT BY MY NURSE AND SOCIAL WORKER I ALMOST TOOK HIM UP ON HIS OFFER. NOW I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY EVEN SPOKE TO HIM. I WAS A DANGER TO MYSELF BIG TIME!!!

I felt i couldn't tell my doc , nurse etc because it was them setting me up with these tests. Even if told them and they told me my beliefs were unfounded I wouldn't have believed them.

My dillemma is NOW THAT I AM TELLING THEM THIS THEY REALLY COME ACROSS AS IF THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME BECAUSE I KEPT QUIET FOR SO LONG. THEY THINK I'M PUTTING IT ON BUT I'M NOT. In the past I had on one occasion lied to them and they know this because I TOLD THEM BUT THIS IS THE WHOLE TRUTH.

The reason I lied was because I couldn't cope with the paronoia e.g being followed, people talking behind my back, there being cameras everywhere, the house being bugged etc but i felt if i told them they would make the tests more difficult to detect.

I had a better chance of passing if i kept quiet. How can I get them to understand? I get into a nervous sweat any time I have to see them because they don't believe me AND I'M FRIGHTENED TO TELL THEM ABOUT ALL THE OTHER DELUSIONAL THOUGHT I'VE HAD OVER THE YEARS.

[tarabug922]

Miss H,

If my doctor didn't believe me I think I would get a different doctor and start out by being completely honest about all your symptoms.

Hope this helps,

Love and Hugs,
Tara