[cybermember]

I think the stress of the holidays has slightly pushed me over. I only know this 'cause a close friend of mine emailed me saying that she understands that I feel cornered, afraid, and watched and that she loves me (in as a friend). I don't know what precipitated this shift in thought process. I'm thinking perhaps it's from all the junk food I've been eating over the holidays, which I usually keep healthy because I'm aware that diet can affect mental health. If it's not that, then I'm thinking what triggered my shift is that I recently met through a mutual friend a woman who said she used to work for the FBI doing surveillance. My past psychotic episodes all had a gov.t theme where they were watching me, tapping me, or bugging me. So, this is a sensitive spot for me. The interesting thing about this woman telling me that she worked for the FBI is that I think she's lying and I don't know why I think that. She is now a nurse, but I'm having a hard time trying to wrap my brain around such a career shift. So then I think that she must be crazy too because crazy people have high intelligence, which would explain how she went from the FBI to being a nurse. There is a part of me where I think my thinking is a bit off, but it fights with the part that *feels* I know I'm right. Anyway, I printed out my email with my friends reply and am mailing the copy to my therapist, only because my friend stated I was feeling cornered, afraid, and watched. If she didn't write those words I would have thought it was just another day.

[tarabug922]

Hi there,

It can be that the nurse is lying, I would buy that. It could be that she has a compulsive propensity towards lying. So long as your thoughts are rational I wouldn't worry. And according to what your friend says, I would judge for myself to determine whether or not I felt that way. Don't just take her at face value. True she might be seeing something your not, but she might be seeing nothing at all.

Hope this helps,
Love and Hugs,
Tara

[deliquesce]

yes, i would also believe that the nurse is lying. not that we have evidence to believe that she is, but we also dont have evidence to believe that she isnt? i thought being in the FBI was something you're meant to keep secret.

am glad you're willing to talk things over with your therapist, though.

[cybermember]

This is encouraging to hear that the nurse may actually be lying and that it's not a delusion, but am confused why a person would lie. Why would a person make that story up? Is she crazy too? I decided not to mail the copy of my email with my friend to my therapist 'cause I'm thinking I'm just making a big issue out of nothing. The times I do make a big issue, it isn't (at least in my eyes). And the times I don't make a big issue, it turns out there really is an issue. I'm confused.