[pyro9555]

I think this was the best catagory because I can relate to psychotic disorders in general. I just wanted to list some of the symptoms that have been a problem and see if you can give me any insight as to what's wrong. Also I'm in my early 20's (male). Thanks.

-Extreme isolation (socially and from society). I don't have a job and I don't want one. I can't work or communicate with people very well. Simple tasks can often be difficult.
-General paranoia when I'm in public (no specific fear)
-Can't hold friends
-Can't hold a conversation. I have absolutely no ideas in a conversation, nothing flows. My speech is poor quality in general. Short empty responses when talking to people.
-I don’t show emotions and I can't control my facial expressions. This may sound silly but I actually consider this a problem. This often leads to miscommunications with people and is probably the reason alot of people don’t like me.
-Angry mood swings that can often last for hours. I often yell and break things. It can be so bad that I often feel like going crazy on everyone (I feel like talking it out on anyone I come across).
-aggitation, hyper moods, short attention span. I have difficulty focusing on anything. I have difficulty taking pleasure things.
-very apathetic, poor grip on reality.
-bad hygiene (is this worth listing?)
-Sleeping disturbances. This hasn't been a problem lately but 2 month ago I have woken up (multiple times) hallucinating spiders in my room (unrealistic, huge spiders). It usually takes me a while to realize this is impossible. Even then, I still shook out my sheets and made sure there were no spiders around.

Most people would label me as lazy and irresponsible but I feel the problem is that I can't adapt to life.

[(JD)]

welcome pyro... have you searched the "disorders" area (see tab at top) ? I guess you have a "fire" prob too? Anyway, you have found the best support site on the web! Come back and post often, they'll be plenty of members to give you ideas.

[cms39]

That's a very good, well-thought out list you can take to your doctor. Could be an adjustment disorder, a type of schizophrenia, autism, or a number of other things. I say see a psychiatrist.

[Malady156]

I believed inanimate objects could and would come to life and attack me up until I was 16 years old, way longer than normal children believe such things. The only thing that put a stop to this delusion was encountering God for the first time and becoming born-again (which is arguably for some yet another delusion if they don't believe specifically in Christ as God). Even as old as 16, when parents were away I would keep a butcher knife by my side and lock my bedroom door, convinced the toaster would come down the hall from the kitchen to attack me, or something similar.

When I was a small child (3 or 4) I believed in something I called the "doorknob people" and used primitive, self-invented masturbatory and imitation-of-death "rituals" to "appease" them so they would not kill me in my sleep or terrorize me when I went to bed. I could see them watching me from the doorknobs, grinning at me (a trick of the light making a face on the doorknob but I could "feel" the presence of evil spirits inhabiting this illusion, or so I thought). Bringing myself to orgasm would drive them away, and feigning death would decrease their "interest" in me as prey. Of course I could not have verbalized all that at that age, but that's how I felt/thought about it.

I guess all that stuff is pretty schizo, eh? My pdoc still is undecided whether I'm bipolar or schizoaffective. I have symptoms of both, I suppose. I'm on meds for both, I know that.

~Mal