Move back to Oregon or stay in The Netherlands?

Move back to Oregon or stay in The Netherlands? -


This will be quite a story, so be prepared to read a bit, but it will be necessary to explain my story.

My dad is a Dutch man who moved to America when he was 20. He met my-American-mom there and lived there for about 14 years. I was born there and lived there until I was 4. At that age, my parents got a divorce and decided for mental and financial reasons, it would be best if I'd live with my dad. So I moved back to The Netherlands with my dad and I have lived there ever since.

In the past fourteen years, I have traveled back and forth in summers and winters, so I only talk to my mom on the internet and see her once every so many months. This has been the most difficult thing in my life, because I am always missing one of my parents.

But this year, my life could take a whole new course. I am going to turn 18 in April and I will graduate from Highschool. I applied to a school here but there's a lottery to get in for Psychology. If I don't get in, I will have to do something else for a while and try again.

But, since I have missed my mom all these years and I would've always loved to be able to live with her, I can also apply to a university in Oregon, where my mom lives. I speak both Dutch and American fluently and I have both citizenships, so that will be no problem.

My problem is: I've become very close with my dad because I've lived with together with him for fourteen years, at the same time, I would love to live with my mom for a while, whom I've missed for so long. I have a boyfriend of 6 weeks and pretty good friends here and most importantly: half of my family who have raised me.
I feel that if I go, I may regret letting my boyfriend, friends and family go, but If I don't go, that I will regret not going when I am older.

This is a descision I need to make for myself, but I have been having so much trouble with it, that I need help and opinion of others. What would you do, if you were me?
I wake up one day knowing that I just HAVE to go, and others in fear of leaving.

What should I do?

revb, as you say, the decision is yours to make. In my view, neither choice is wrong.

I will say that I hope whatever you decide is not based on fear. I know quite well how debilitating the fear of moving out of one's comfort zone can be, even for the best of reasons.

One last thing, once you make the decision, do not look back.

Good luck.

I can see how hard this decision must be to make. It truly is your own decision. My advice would be to think or your priorities in your life and your future. It could be my own bias, but at your age, maybe college would be a bigger priority than your boyfriend that you haven't really been dating too long. But you need to figure out your priorities. There could be a way to stay in the netherlands and also get a great education, but you say it might be hard to get into the program that you want. Make sure that you don't sacrifice your bright future and career goals for someone else that might not be there in your future.

You have to realize that your family is always going to be there for you. Just because you move to America doesn't mean you are going to 'lose' anything. In fact, you're gaining an education and a relationship with your mother. And yes, you will be letting your boyfriend go but the friends I have made in college are my absolute best friends. I moved away from my family and see them once or twice a year. But that's why they invented phones and the internet lol. I don't regret anything about my decision to move away from home. You have to go out and have new experiences to really learn about yourself. Moving to New York and living there taught me more about myself than any other time in my life. Now I'm moving even further away from my family to go to graduate school and, while I can guarantee that I will bawl my eyes out when I move, I know I will meet new people and that, when I'm done doing my survey of America lol my family will still be there. Your dad will understand that you have to do what makes you happy.

Stay or go, either choice will teach you things about yourself that you never knew. If you decide on Oregon and it works out, you will have found your niche; if it does not work out, chances are that the experience will make you appreciate the Netherlands that much more when you return. That's what graduating high school is for!!

DURING your times with your mother in Oregon- what have these experiences been like with your mother??

Revb,

Personally, I think the lottery system is frustrating and illogical. I don't know how difficult it is with psychology but I've had experience with the lottery for medicine and was left disappointed. I know that Groningen in the previous years has given places to all psychology applicants so it's definitely worth looking out to see how many applicants to places there are at each university, in order to improve your chances. That said, I heard the other day that they're thinking of scrapping the lottery for medicine - perhaps they'll do the same for psych?

I think you'd probably excel at the Dutch university because you are fluent in English. About half of all the reading will be in English and many students struggle with this - you'll have a big advantage and may find it too easy (many lectures are simply used to explain what was written in English in Dutch). The up side is that you can have a relaxed student life and spend plenty of time with friends and family. You might also be able to spend a year of your study abroad on exchange - maybe in Oregon? Or go there for your master studies. I imagine financially, studyin in NL is more affordable than in the US?

On the other hand, studying abroad as an undergrad in Oregon could be a huge adventure - with the plus side that you definitely get to study the subject you find the most interesting. I'm an overseas student (studying in Utrecht but come from England) - it's fun but also challenging to be a foreign student. Even though you've spent time in the US, there will still be a feeling of culture shock and you'll probably miss things (typical Dutch stuff that you probably didn't think about until you haven't had it for a few months) - it depends how easily you adapt and how much your identity rests on your Dutch roots. Traveling and living abroad can be a lot of fun though and it makes you interesting!

Groetjes,
Onzi

Well....

I live up in the Portland Metro area in Oregon and I know that the U of O is a fantastic school. I also know that lottery programs can be a real pain in the pooter.

I agree with others above, I do not believe there is any wrong decision here. You are blessed to have two great choices were you would be surrounded by friends/family either way. You seem like the type of person that would make friends easily so I don't think it would take you long to build a support system here in Oregon.

Your Netherlands friends and family will continue to be there for you throughout your journey, where ever you are, and you might be able to do like you've been doing and go back there every six months or so for a visit.

It's really about what is going to help you reach your life and education goals in a way that's suitable for you. If you don't want to wait, come to Oregon and get enrolled in U of O and get going.

Ultimately though, even if you moved...you have portability on your side, so if you stayed in Oregon for a while and it wasn't working out and you really missed the Netherlands you could fairly easily return. The only things that would cost would be some money and some time, but you're young enough that you still have plenty of time and the money issues would work themselves out.

I wish you the best with either decision and I hope you can see that you are blessed for being able to have two homes, and to have the opportunity to choose where you want to be. I think that's an awesome place to be, albeit probably a bit confusing at times.