[Taonuviel]

I feel too stressed. It shouldn't be this hard, I learn, I participate, I have a natural gift in my field, but I'm finding it so hard to complete assignments within their boundaries - alone. There's the problem, it's all in my head, and I confuse myself. But not when I'm working, in the charting, or even in the course assignments that are so similar to the realities of work instead of all these exercises. I'm really just sick of the process of school - wish I could just get into work - like the days of apprenticeship. Maybe I just really ought to be in my internship now, but it's too late for that. I had too much on my plate and too little idea of what I wanted to do to apply for the internship last Fall, and it works out with going for dual master degrees - why am I going for that again? Basically two years left, it feels so far away. But even work, which I love, is so stressful. It seems like quite a few of my co-workers are upset with me right now, but for nothing I've done wrong. I think they misunderstand me... a far too common problem with me it seems... . And so many of them make me feel so uncomfortable with some of the things they do... why can't people just do their jobs?!? And Saturday I made a big mistake - I don't know where my head was! - thankfully nothing bad came of it, but I feel so stupid for it. Then work takes so much of my time at all the wrong times it seems.
But do I really have options but to continue in classes? Can I even do that? I have two incompletes (again), and am behind in 1/3 of my current classes. But I make so little from work - surely not enough to fully support myself - as it is I have a "cushion" fund of loan money, my housing covered by financial aid (loans), and a ton of loans I'll have to start repaying if I drop classes. Plus living on campus is so safe and includes all housing costs - it would be hard to find a place I could afford and feel reasonably safe as a single female living alone.
And time... so much time working, so much needed for school that I can never seem to make use of... and feeling like I could and just want to stay in bed all day. I don't know how I can feel this way... I can stay in bed for hours, not feeling hungry or the need for the bathroom unless I actually get up... yeah, I know, it's called depression.
*sigh*