[salukigirl]

I have posted about this kid a dozen times and I'm finally sick of him. I honestly don't know that I could work with him for another 4 years. He has talked behind my back about the pointless experiments I do. He has called my experiments worthless to my face. He has complained about our major advisor so many times and even said he's "slipping" like he is 99 or something. He puts more effort into avoiding real work than he does into working. As I said in another post, he got an award that he didn't even want to apply for in the first place because it was too much work for him - and he got it over me. He asks to copy my homework (yes we are graduate students, not in middle school) and he also asks me to drop what I'm doing and help him when I'm just as busy with my stuff and never get any help from him. He is already looking for ways to extend a PhD here to get another year of funding and he hasn't even applied yet! The only reason he came here in the first place is bc he wasn't doing anything else. He only wants to stay for a PhD bc he doesn't know what else to do. I'm working my *** off and he is coasting through life getting everything he doesn't even care about. I hate watching him rip off the advisor that I actually respect! I hate watching him talk smack about everyone behind their backs just to turn around and think of ways he can coast some more and get more money out of them!

I just don't know if I should tell my advisor any of this. I feel like he has a right to know what his own grad student is up to but don't want to look like the complainer who can't get along with her own co-worker. Will this make me look like a whiny jerk? I just don't know what to do. I don't remember the last time I have had this much animosity for someone.

[lxegirl]

its his fault, i think you should talk to your advisor but try not to be like rude about it or anything; but just talk to your advisor about your concerns in a respectful way and hopefully your advisor could have a conversation with your co-worker about prioritizing and being professional. Best of Luck!

[(JD)]

Yes, talk to your advisor. That's why your advisor is there... not just for academic support, but for issues. The conversation has to be all about you though, imo.

Ask the advisor about learning to work with people who don't have your drive, your goals. Ask him about how to not allow what others do that upset you (how to not become upset). These will be good words from the advisor I hope...because you are always going to have this type of person come across your path. Really.

Tell the guy no. Maybe go to lunch or such, a break? and talk...you talk and tell him how you feel--politely and not offensively-- how you really need to focus and you don't want to share your work with him (and then don't...when he asks again (and he will I suspect) remind him that you discussed this.

Attack the problem with your anger, not the person. Good wishes.

[salukigirl]

I called my momma and she asked if I could talk about it without naming names....that's pretty impossible. There are a total of 15 students in my dept and about 5 of them are brand new. The people I'm upset about are pretty obvious when I start saying specific things.....

I am just going at it as "how can I deal with office politics?" I know that there are political reasons for everything that is going on and I HATE that kind of stuff. I know, for a fact, that the kid who got this scholarship is a flat out bad student/scientist and that I run circles around him when it comes to community service and volunteer work (which is what the scholarship is SUPPOSED to be about). I know that the only reason this other kid is still here is to push through another student and get graduation rates up. To me that is total B-S.

I just want to know what I'm getting myself into. If THIS is academia. I will quit now and get a damn job. I'm not staying in the academic setting if this is the stuff that happens. I'd rather go and work in industry where someone just tells me what to do rather than this bull. I do not feel at home here at all. I'm so sick of this crap.

[lxegirl]

dont let someone ruin the experience for you!!!

[salukigirl]

Well.....I spoke with him today. He said that my application package was stronger but that the other student has a publication on me. That was the sole reason. He told me he was actually surprised I didn't win and doesn't understand committee selections sometimes.

He also told me that I'm doing everything right and to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm not doing anything WRONG - I just need to put my work out there.

So tomorrow I'm going to bring him summaries of everything I have worked on and am going to work on (as well as a presentation I'm giving in a couple weeks) and he will go through it and help me decide what stuff is publishable.

I told him I have held off on sending him what I've written bc another girl in our lab is in the process of editing her thesis and finishing up and I didn't want to take away attention that should be given to her. He told me not to worry about that and to come to him whenever I have something. I have been stepping out of the way letting others get their stuff out and I guess he wants me to come to him more with ideas.

He told me that people getting pushed through happens everywhere some of the time and that most of them end up dropping out, getting kicked out or going on to do nothing. I am still deciding whether I can honestly work in academia knowing that students I think are worthless are getting pushed through the system to keep numbers up...

Thanks to all for your support!!! I feel so much better!!!!

Please also remember academia does not have a monopoly on politics.

[Umbral_Seraph]

If he is asking to copy your work that constitutes cheating for which he could (and probably should) be expelled. I'm amazed you have put up with him for so long.