[ColourBars]

****. You know what sucks? When people start comparing each other to other classmates thinking who's good and who's not. Who's better and who sucks. Right in the class, whispering like a bunch of psyhco maniacs.

Giving the option to be put into teams is torturing. People start evaluating each other and judging everyone's "WORTH". That seems really low. It's natural though, I know! But seriously, so highschool.

I mean, having to build a team of classmates, of course you would want to work with people you get along with and your skills compliment each other. But it doesn't mean people have to get out of their way to bash other people down just to get the person they want.

I know there are always going to be people in the program who are the strongest in the course. And people who are weaker. But by being "weaker" in the course and it's content, doesn't mean that they are weak as a person. Doesn't mean that they don't have other skills as a person. People don't have to do this who analysis on others kinda thing. Gah. It irritates me.

[Perna]

It's hard to do group stuff in college. I know most of my technical classes (online) had group projects and it was heck. Everyone in a group got the same grade, too, so that made it even more stressful as you could not be in "control" of your own grade. I just used it as a good learning experience for myself about myself; kind of like therapy :-) I noted how hard I worked and how anxious I became (that others weren't going to do their work and I should step in and do it). The teacher knows what's going on better than we imagine though, it comes out all right in the end. The anxiety at first with people trying to figure out who to go with and who not, etc., that simmers down and one can be pleasantly surprised that someone one thought was a game player is steady and caring (or the opposite). People are people.

[ColourBars]

*sigh*

Whenever I see one of my peers in the program I'm in, produce something really great and spectacular, or show off equipment they have that's really cool - I just get all angry at myself and bummed out.

I feel like I'm never going to be good enough. That even if I practice, save up to buy equipment and review a whole bunch of tutorials and stuff, I'll never be good enough compared to everyone else.

And because, what I'm going to in my program, is the field I'm going to for my life/job/career/goal -- and the fact that I suck at it, makes me feel worthless. Stupid. Very retarded that I even bothered coming into the program in the first place.

And knowing that I came into the field because it was the strongest thing I could do, and it's my personal strength -- makes it even worse! Cause that means I really do suck.

I mean, what the heck and I doing with my life then? I can't even do anything worthwhile, helpful or anything that contributes to the world, society or work in any way.

I'm just a boring person with scarcely any abilities. It makes me think it's more logical to die and make room for the people who are worth it.

And if I die, I won't have to worry about anything anymore. And that, seems less stressful then a world-a lifetime full of stress being surrounded by people who are better than me. Struggling financially.

With all of this. This is stuff my T can't help me with. Cause I know what they'll say and have said. Practice, learn and try getting better at what I love doing. With the new skills I will be learning I will feel more confident about myself, and so on.

I've been trying. Getting no where. Financial stuck, it's either buy new gear and become homeless or save the money for rent and have a stable place to stay. I have two part time jobs already with school full-time. I don't know if I can squeeze in a third job to get more money...

People seem to zoom off ahead with their skills that I can't catch up.

What now? I'm in this damned cycle for so long. What do I do now?

[Morghana]

I know it's a stupid analogy, but your situation reminds me of when I joined my high school orchestra as a violinist. I thought I was good at the violin, but the others in the class were almost invariably better than I was, not just because they had fancy private lessons or had been playing longer than I had, but just because they were much more talented. Even though it didn't really matter, since I never exactly thought I was going to end up a professional violinist, it did bother me. But finally, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter: I liked the violin and being surrounded by people who were better than I was only made me work a little harder and learn a little more. My ego hurt at first, but I enjoyed myself and I learned.

I acknowledge that this is something a little different because it's more important to you and it will ideally become a career, but I think that as long as you are learning something and doing the best you can, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. School is about your personal intellectual growth. It is not about being better than anyone else, and it is about you and not them. If you like what you're studying, you're learning, and you're trying, then mission accomplished.

[ColourBars]

Originally Posted by Morghana

School is about your personal intellectual growth. It is not about being better than anyone else, and it is about you and not them. If you like what you're studying, you're learning, and you're trying, then mission accomplished.

I get that. I really do. But when we're done school and sent off to work in our industry, learning and trying isn't gonna be enough. You gotta be good at what you're trained to do, kind of thing. And compared to everyone, I don't cut it.

I could try learning and growing all I can but what's the point if there are other people who are probably going to be hired over me? It's not "just school", it's my future too. My career. My life. If I fail at that.... well, then I'm pretty much useless, don't you think?

At that point, what then is there to do?

[Morghana]

Originally Posted by ColourBars

I get that. I really do. But when we're done school and sent off to work in our industry, learning and trying isn't gonna be enough. You gotta be good at what you're trained to do, kind of thing. And compared to everyone, I don't cut it.

I could try learning and growing all I can but what's the point if there are other people who are probably going to be hired over me? It's not "just school", it's my future too. My career. My life. If I fail at that.... well, then I'm pretty much useless, don't you think?

At that point, what then is there to do?

To be fair, I answered your question based on school experience because I've never had a job. I'm only 20, and I'm still in college. I do know what it feels like to realize you're not that great at your own vocation. I'm studying archaeology and I look at everybody else and think, "****, I suck." But the way I look at it is that the point of being in school before the career is to learn how to do your job. You have to have faith that by the end of the class, you'll get there, or if you're not there, you'll learn it along the way. The people who you think are doing so great in this program are probably just big talkers, and anyway, school rarely translates perfectly to real life. In archaeology class, I got the top score on the archaeology field methods examination; it was multiple choice. When I actually did field archaeology, I'm embarrassed to admit the amount of mistakes I made. But that's the point of training: to make mistakes.

The bottom line seems to me that you're not working yet. You're still in the learning phase and you'll have to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Anyway, would it really be better if you were in a class with a bunch of stupid people and you were at the top? I doubt it. This is a challenge: run with it. It certainly won't be the last time the world doesn't drop a career at your feet.

Good luck. And stop with the negativity. You can do it.

[Jan1212]

You know you're a hard worker, working 2 jobs and going to school, that's a lot of stuff going on. You deserve more credit, I don't know you but I kind of feel the same way (maybe), as in; I can't pay anything, I want to move out, I study my butt off and the ones who don't study do much better than me. Well, it was time for me to stop comparing myself to my classmates, but I just can't help it-.

It is sad, and really low that classmates do that, the chairperson told me "I know who's good and who's not", to my face. Judgmental and a lot of drama. As we grow, we see a lot more details in life, and many of them aren't pretty. Someone once told me, when things get that ridiculous, you just laugh it off