[Eudaemonia]

I dropped out of college when I was 19 during a manic episode that ended with me pregnant, getting a divorce, and living with a man (the baby's father, whom I had had an affair with), that sold drugs for a living and with whom I fought every day.
When I was 33, after a decade of working 2 or 3 part time jobs at a time and barely making it, I decided to go back to school. I applied to my local University, was accepted and decided to go full time, relying on financial aid and public assistance so I wouldn't have to work.
The first two semesters went well. I was on the Dean's list. I loved my classes. I was overflowing with optimism and ideas. Then, during the fall of my second year, I became severely depressed. I stopped taking my meds, quit seeing my therapist, and failed all my classes. With a tremendous effort and a lot of support from my adviser and my school's Disability Services department, I was able to continue taking classes. But things have not gone well since then. That was 4 years ago,and since then I have been basically floundering; I keep changing my mind about what to major in and can't seem to sustain interest in any long term goals. I am losing hope and feeling terribly frustrated with myself. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[DenisDonnacha]

You said you're struggling with the long term, I get that too, I'm not into the bigger picture. So why not try shorter term goals for classes? Eg, I'll get this assignment done now, then read this book etc. I'd just try breaking it down if I was you.
That's the limit of my advice and I hope it's of some use.

[Laina M.]

Originally Posted by Eudaemonia

I dropped out of college when I was 19 during a manic episode that ended with me pregnant, getting a divorce, and living with a man (the baby's father, whom I had had an affair with), that sold drugs for a living and with whom I fought every day.
When I was 33, after a decade of working 2 or 3 part time jobs at a time and barely making it, I decided to go back to school. I applied to my local University, was accepted and decided to go full time, relying on financial aid and public assistance so I wouldn't have to work.
The first two semesters went well. I was on the Dean's list. I loved my classes. I was overflowing with optimism and ideas. Then, during the fall of my second year, I became severely depressed. I stopped taking my meds, quit seeing my therapist, and failed all my classes. With a tremendous effort and a lot of support from my adviser and my school's Disability Services department, I was able to continue taking classes. But things have not gone well since then. That was 4 years ago,and since then I have been basically floundering; I keep changing my mind about what to major in and can't seem to sustain interest in any long term goals. I am losing hope and feeling terribly frustrated with myself. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Are you in contact with the Office of Disability Services in your school? And, do you know if there's a community centre in your area for people struggling with severe and persistent mental illness? The latter can be helpful because people there know what it's like, can give you peer support, can give you advice and help you navigate your local options. It can also be just a a safe place to go and rest and know other people understand.

The Office of Disabilities should be able to help you with goal-setting, any accommodations you may need to help you in your classes. Here you can also take one less class and still get the benefits of a full-time student if you're disabled, I'm not sure if your school does that.

With your goals and majors, try this: put the name of each major/specialty you're considering at the top of a column. underneath it, do a cost/benefit analysis for each. So for example:

English

Costs: I'd need 4 more classes to graduate. I dislike the department head and don't want to work with her. I'm not very interested in the courses I haven't taken.

Benefits: I'd only need 4 more classes to graduate. It's the major I have the most experience in. I can go back for a B.Ed if I get an english degree.