[Emrys]

I'm a college freshman, and I've been in college for two weeks. I hate college.
Why?
1) My college undergrad is 50,000+ students. I meet so many people and I don't even remember their names. I am close to no one. I have one friend from my high school who goes to my college, and she's been choosing her boyfriend over me (even though she's been friends with me since the fourth grade and she's known him for less than a year ...)
2) My room mate keeps on going to parties and getting drunk, and not going to class. One of my suitemates has guys in her room until 4 in the morning. this means most nights I am getting less than 3 hours of sleep.
3) I miss my parents. I didn't think I would, considering how they used to treat me. But I miss them.
4) Older students are acting very superior and within my main activity, marching band, all the older marchers are in cliches and are alienating me.
5) I keep waking up late for class, forgetting things at my dorm, or accidentally bringing the wrong thing. And then I get accused of not caring/being interested in class ...
6) I keep getting forgotten. I was invited to see a movie with the piccolo section, and I didn't know where it was ... no one ever told me ... there is apparently a group dinner thing at 6 pm tomorrow that I wasn't invited to ...
7) I used to be friends with this girl in 3rd grade (very close) but she moved in 6th grade. She is in the marching band at my college, and though I have told her who I am, she is ignoring me now ...
8) My friends in other schools seem too busy making friends of their own to even spend time with me ...
9) I am very lonely. I eat lunch alone, I attend class alone, no one likes me.

[Travelinglady]

Are you by any chance going to a big school in North Carolina? I'm wondering, since I live there, too. I'm sorry you're getting off to a rough start. It sounds like your friends are trying to cut their ties from their past.

I don't know you well enough to say if you might be actually doing something to alienate folks, but I'm assuming you're not. I have several suggestions: 1) Seek out a counselor on campus. This person will have heard stories like yours before. Alas, some of what you describe is very common in college. He/she can be a sounding board and also will be able to offer some suggestions; 2) Look for other clubs and organizations to get involved with. That way YOU can meet some of the other 50,000 folks there, including lots of freshmen, many who are likely having some of your same experiences; 3) Do call your mom and dad, maybe once a week. They will be glad to hear from you. Homesickness is extremely common at first; 4) Don't give up. Things will get better. If you are struggling in class, then meet with your advisor/professors. It's understandable that you're having trouble getting your act together right now, since you are upset; 5) If you still hate your school by the end of the first year, then you CAN always check into transferring, perhaps to a smaller school. Okay?

I'm glad you're reaching out. BTW, I was a college professor for many years before going on disability.....

[shezbut]

((((hugs)))) to you!!

Starting off with such large classes can be intense and overwhelming. I know that I wouldn't like it! Payne1 had some very helpful advice for you. Give it a try!

I was older when I began my college education & very accustomed to being alone and doing my best. So, I'd adjusted to that YEARS before!! I also went to a community college for the general education classes, where the classes are both smaller and cheaper. When the last 2 years hit, I then moved onto a state college and classes weren't any different than they were at community college. So, that worked out pretty well for me.

I know that these past two weeks have been very hard for you. I can truly understand that anxiety and depression. But, try to stick it out. You will find others that are similar to you soon ~ and once that occurs, things will become a whole lot easier! Try to be patient.

[emptyspace]

.

Big schools are hard to navigate. It's a change, but keep your head up. Some of what you write is VERY normal... getting confused, lost, can't find things, drunk roomates, full-of-themselves upperclassman. You can find your path!

1. Goto the student union and spend a couple hours looking at ALL THE CLUBS. Join one or two.

2. Sign up to do charity work. There will be organizations that do all kinds of charity. Chairty work brings people together. So, maybe the college will have a group that does Habit For Humanity.

3. Take a gym class. Seriously. Sign up for yoga or dance or tennis or badmitton. For fun.

4. Get a job on-campus. I worked in the mailroom. It was a blast! We got to see all the main that came in and it was a bunch a students with a couple adult supervisors. I also worked in the cafeteria, but that was less fun.

5. If you are religious or spiritual, find a group on campus (catholic, baptist, jewish, mormon, muslim, etc..) These groups are usually very welcoming.

This is how I got my circle of friends. It takes time.
In my experience freshman roommates usually don't last as friends.

Good luck. Ask more if you want...

[catrules]

So sorry that you are having a rough time. I remember my first few weeks of undergrad at the tender age of 18, and I hated it too. I was at a much smaller school, and still felt out of place. My mother has letters that I wrote home in those first few months and there was an interesting progression from mom I want to come home I hate it here to I cannot believe how great college is. Hang in there for a bit. Give yourself time to get adjusted. It's a huge transition, and one that no one prepares us for.

[brokenandalone1234]

I know how you feel. I have made no friends at college and I have been at my current college for about 3 years. I am at a community college but I had to start all over because I switched majors so I have about a year and a half left. The friends I did have which were friends with my sister all dropped out. I have no one to talk to. When I am in my classes I feel like the outcast. I feel like its because people can sense that I am mentally unstable. I hate feeling all alone. I am used to it though. Even in high school I didn't have many friends. I figured college would be different because no one knew me but I was wrong.

[EmptyPseudonym]

Not to jump the gun but maybe this school isn't right for you. And maybe you would be happier at a smaller school. For the room / suite mate issues you might want to talk to your RA of see if there is a "quiet" dorm for people who really need to study. No one believes this when their told but in general after you go to college you very rarely stay friends with the people you went to high school with or in touch at all. Everyone goes in a different direction. But you do end up meeting people who you may have life long friendships with in college. If you really think you're in the wrong place start looking at smaller schools. You could always transfer for the spring semester.

[sivyaleah]

Hi Emrys. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so soon at school. I too, went through a very difficult time in college and wound up dropping out because of it. I had many of the same problems you are having - the worst one was in my 3rd semester, my roommate from the first year left, whom I had developed a very close friendship with. I was placed with someone I didn't know, that turned out to be very emotionally difficult to deal with. For instance, she would come in late at night with friends, sit on her bed, and talk about me while I was asleep (but who could sleep through that?) saying really awful (I mean - honestly terrible) things about me that were racially charged.

I tried to have my room switched, but there were none available. So, for me it was the straw that broke the proverbial camels back unfortunately and I left never to return. I always regretted it, although in the end I did manage to make my way up through the ranks workwise and now, am doing quite well, but I'm 53, and it took a very long time to do so.

You've gotten some good advice here already and I'll second much of it. It's possible the school isn't a good fit for you (my sister switched colleges after her first year into a small one and did much better that way), or it may just be you need a room change in which case you'll need to be very pro-active about letting the RA know what is happening and what your needs are. Also, the first year is difficult regardless, for many. Being on your own for the first time, although exciting, is also kind of terrifying in many ways. I remember how great it felt to finally be away from the restrictions of my parents (even though there weren't too many) but honestly? I was not well equipped yet to be able to fend for myself, didn't have the discipline to study when needed and all the freedom and such was more than I could handle. So, if you need support of any kind, don't be shy about finding it too.

I only wish back in 1977 there were better resources available to me, even the internet so that I wouldn't have felt so alone in what I was going through.