[A_Space_Between]

I don't know what the hell I'm doing...or am going to do, for that matter. I don't really want a life long career in the area of study that I'm in (criminology and criminal justice) & I'd like to go to grad school a few yrs after I graduate. But everything that I want to do is impossible. I've looked at Policy and Administration, well, most of those courses require you to take economics at the undergrad level. And since I'm already taking advanced statistics @ the 3rd yr level, taking economics would probably just kill my average & make me not be able to get into grad school @ all. I'm not smart enough for law school (& I'm not going to put that kind of pressure on myself). All the Politics grad. programs that I've looked at require you to have a B.A or a bunch of undergrad. courses in politics, I have neither. I seem to like quite a few of the things you can do with social work, but there is a stigma against it, and I'm not sure it would be worth doing. I'm kind of interested in mediation and ADR, but it looks like people mostly like lawyers for those kinds of jobs (despite the fact that in Canada you don't HAVE to be a lawyer to do them). I'm interested in the international context of things and I'm interested in inequality and minority populations etc. I have an interest in health care but am not good in science. So, that leaves me w/the option of Public Health...which I might be able to get into...but it's mostly for health science people, or social science people (psych, anthro, soci) and I'm not sure they'd even consider someone with a background in criminology & criminal justice. And I'm probably too dumb to do it.

Why do they even create graduate programs that they aren't even going to let a wide variety of people into? I would think that an undergrad degree in Crim would be a pretty solid background for Poli Sci studies, but no! So much for the myth that undergrad degrees are flexible!

On top of that, I don't think that I'm ever going to be happy with my life. I just don't think it's possible. Have you ever looked around and seen how ****** this world is? All of the huge things that are wrong with it, that I can't help fix because I don't know how to, or I'm not good enough to? And I don't even know who to talk to about it. I don't really think this kind of **** is what academic advisors are about. But I have no direction...I don't know what to do. I've thought about e-mailing some prof's, but they're busy people & I would feel bad about asking them for advice. Plus, whoever I talked to would pretty much have to listen to everything I've said here in order to help me. And that would be getting too personal w/a prof, wouldn't it? And they would probably be like 'wow, you're a basket case/idiot' or 'go talk to an academic advisor.' And nobody in this world cares anyway! Grad schools don't care what kind of person you are, if you don't have that average, you're not getting in. And prof's don't really give a **** about what you do w/your life. It's not up to them to be your friggin therapist. And I doubt a therapist would even be able to help me with this either!

Sometimes I wish that I just wasn't bothered by anything in the word...because isn't that how people are happy? By just not caring about the fact that the world is ****? But just not making it their issue? But of course I've decided to make it mine. Which means that I get to feel like double **** because I'm not good enough & the world is such a crappy place for so many people. And of course I'm a woman. There's strike 3 for you!

Why am I always not good enough? It pisses me off! Why do I have to have some insanely, super-humanly high average to be worthwhile? I look at my prof's & it bugs me because they look so normal...but no...they're insanely smart super humans. I feel like I should be trying to get ADHD drugs to help me study/focus because I don't feel like I'm good enough on my own.

So when does any of it end? Sadly, when you're dead. Pretty friggin grim, huh?

Thanks for reading....I hope I didn't just totally depress someone else.

[Travelinglady]

No, dear one, you didn't totally depress me. I am just distressed that you are so down on yourself. I believe there's something in this world that you will be good at. How do you know if you don't try?

As far as profs not giving a (fill in the blank), that's certainly not always true. How do I know? Well, first of all, I had a number of caring profs over the years. I even became a college professor myself and worked at various colleges and universities, as my husband's job required us to move. I cared about my students and I know most of my colleagues did, too.

Does your school have a counseling center? Some of them even give students "tests" to see where their interests lie and what areas they are most likely to be successful in.

We never know where life is leading. I was a psychology prof, but I even taught English at a community college, since one of my undergraduate majors was English. Even though I had to go on disability in my forties because of bipolar disorder, so I can't teach now, I still get a lot of pleasure out of life. Having a sense of humor helps me, for one thing.

By the way, I have two sons in college now. I can expect a phone call about once a week from one of them, when he wants to talk about classes, majors, etc. Now, of all things, the university he is going to (he's a sophomore) is doing away with the major he finally settled on! But I tell him he will be okay. I can be annoyingly upbeat at times!

Overall message: Never, never give up!

Feel free to send me a personal message if you'd like. I do miss talking "school" with my students.

[A_Space_Between]

Thanks for listening.

I have actually taken all sorts of personality tests etc, & none of them really offer me careers that I am actually interested in (except for law...but I'm not interested enough in that to go through the hassle of law school + couldn't get that kind of average). It's kind of bizarre, & I wonder sometimes if my results on those kinds of tests are skewed because the way that I am is not the way that I want to be.

It doesn't really help right now that I'm studying for midterms & according to the prof's people get rather low averages in their classes (i.e: 70's). And of course my friend's boyfriend has Ritalin, so she gets access to prescription drugs pretty much whenever she wants. Which makes me jealous. And believe me...I've looked for a way to get prescription drugs without a script! But it's illegal, & sketchy, & expensive. So now I just feel like I'm inadequate without drugs...oh university, what you've done to me!

I had already taken time off from this major because I wanted to try to sort out what I really wanted to do with my life. But I decided to come back & finish it because I don't want to be working a dead end job through a temp service at a factory my whole life. I'm just still no closer to figuring out where I fit in the world. So it feels like I've got the same old problems & still no solutions. And I wonder if there even is a solution...

[Travelinglady]

Alas, this dang economy isn't helping folks in college. My two college-aged young adults are struggling to even decide what will make them marketable once they finish school. Back in the Dark Ages, we didn't have to worrry so much about that.

I have to say that I didn't follow the "suggestions" of one career inventory. My two highest scores were Army Officer and Navy Officer. I once taught on a military base and when I told my students about that, they said they could see me in those lines of work!

Yep, some profs seem to take pride in having a history of giving "low" grades. Of course, technically a "C" is average. My younger son has run into several in particular at his school, since it is in the top 20 of the schools in the country. He just dropped Spanish, even though he had a B in it, since he didn't trust his prof. Alas, she was teaching for the first time and didn't know what she was doing. He made a C in Latin and decided not to take another course in it. Man, was that professor demanding! And he was the only prof teaching it.

My suggestion is to work toward that degree. I just read, even with all the issues, it's still better to get a college degree......

Remember that people often change careers in their lives, so you aren't necessarily stuck with what you first get into. Okay?