[Rainbow.Bob]

I am in my penultimate year of school. I should be in my final year of school, but I decided to repeat 4th year as I missed so many days in the school year of 2011-2012.
Initially I had decided to drop out of school. I felt like I wasn't ready to withstand the pressure of having to do important exams. My anxiety was/is really bad, and I felt that being around my peers would aggrivate my anxiety.
However, in the middle of August I decided that I was going to repeat 4th year. That way I'd be able to catch up on any work that I may have missed last year. Because of my anxiety, I would not have been able to get a job. I would have had to stay at home until my anxiety "disappeared". I decided that going to school would be the best option as I would be learning (which I enjoy), and I'd be getting out of the house for a few hours each day.

Unfortunately, my attendance has been very poor this year. It's December, and I've only been at school about 8 times since the school year began.
My anxiety and depression have been quite bad. I've been tipsy every time I've gone to school this year, because I drink to kill my anxiety.
My depression has been quite bad too. I feel so low and hopeless sometimes that when I'm sitting in school I say to myself, "What am I doing here? I have no future. I'm a hopeless case. I won't succeed at this, because I fail at everything I do. I'm wasting everyone's time by being here." As a result of these thoughs, I can never concentrate in class.
I have a lot of anger towards the staff and peers at my school. They watch everything everybody does. They don't respect people's privacy, and they don't seem to realise that people have emotions. The teachers are so controlling, and it angers me to think that because they have a higher salary than most of the students' parents, and because they have completed X amount of years in college, they are superior to the students. I feel so uncomfortable being in the teachers' company.
Also adding to the discomfort is the fact that I was recently raped by a past pupil. There are photos of him hung up around the school as he was involved with a lot of the sports clubs. He and I have a lot of mutual friends, so I hear his name mentioned a lot. Also, he and I used to be good friends, and being at school reminds me of some of the good times we had together. This angers and saddens me

I would love to be "normal" and I'd love to be able to go to school every day like everybody else my age does.
I'd love to stop feeling like I'm letting everybody down. I'm an intelligent girl, and so many people expected me to do well in life. Now I feel like I'm failing, and I feel like my life will never be what it could have been.

Can anybody offer me any advice, suggestions or opinions?

Feel free to ask questions.

i have a question- do you have a plan?

something you want to do as a job or do you plan to go to university?. what would you like to do

that would be a good starting point... think about what interests you- and then maybe it might drive you to actually show an interest and pay more attention/ feel you're working towards something

[MissFickle]

Any idea on what is actually causing your anxiety? Is it just the students and teachers? Is it a home situation? Is it the pictures of that boy? Or all of it? I dropped out of highschool because of anxiety from students and teachers. I started having issues with attendance around that time, I felt like I lost control of everything. My home life was much less than amicable at that time and I pretty much locked myself in a room, never came out except to sit on the internet and chat to strangers. I began an internet addiction this way and earned badly developed social skills which has increased my problem later on in life. Right now, what is helping me the most is learning how to deal with people and how to, on a short term basis, deal with the anxiety. Studying on "Customer Service" has helped me to interact with people in a professional-only way. Which means you have your "job" and they have theirs. Since you feel uncomfortable with your teachers, talk to your counselor and explain the issue and I would reccommend learning and understanding school policy so you can check the policy and make sure everyone is treating you like they're supposed to be, its their job and they have rules to follow just like you do. I would also recommend talking to someone about the drinking... I understand fully well how alcohol can calm the monster of anxiety but doing that will lead to an addiction that will be harder to overcome because you're trying to self medicate. Surround yourself with things, colors and sounds you like when you're alone; positive things, the last thing you need is to put yourself to dwelling on your negative feelings. Listen to music that makes you feel like dancing, it urges your brain to release feel-good chemicals into your system and calms anxiety. Probably best not to do that during class..If you feel like I missed or am misunderstanding something, I'd like to talk with you more. I can't stand the idea of someone missing out on their education because of anxiety and ending up having to go through what I went though or worse.

[Travelinglady]

I definitely suggest you seek out a counselor. You have lots to deal with, including the rape. I can understand why you're struggling. A counselor could offer support, help you find healthier ways of coping, and allow you to get on track. As far as I know, all schools have them or at least professionals who can connect you with one. Please don't give up or get down on yourself.

Maybe check out an online high school? And if you choose to go to college you can do that online too. And while you're working on that you can hopefully work on lessening your anxiety. Medication can help too if that's an option for you(although long term your body can become used to it and it isn't as effective, but it at least helps in the short run).