[gunner7]

My son is a Sophmore in college, eight hours from home. He was a 3 star athlete in high school and the "big man" on campus. Now he is a little fish in a big sea.

He struggles with weight and weighs 320 he is 6'5' luckily, and his dad struggles with weight as well. He is studying athletic training in college and had a rough semester. If he does not get a 3.0 GPA he will get kicked out of the program. RIght now he has a 2.7-2.8 GPA.

He sent me a note today that he wrote 3 weeks ago saying he was better off with his Uncle (who commited sucide 7 years ago) and did not feel that he should be here. Of course I am very upset and and am trying to get him into counseling. He has been to the dr's who put him on Zoloft for Depression but he I just found out that he is not taking the medication.
I need some advice, it cares me becuase depression runs in my family and my brother commited suicide.
Help

[hiddeng3nius]

I truly wish I knew what to say or how to help. Just keep reassuring him that you are willing to be a rock for him and remind him how much he means to you.

[Ariam Sidd]

I'm in a University. I have the same feelings as your kid. To me, want I want right now is my parents telling me that no matter how it turns out, we'll always have your back. whether it's true or not.
Words can truly change a person. Talk to him, visit him. spend time with him and be his counselor, with the help of a real therapist because he sure won't go to one now and take medications.

[Travelinglady]

I'd certainly be concerned, too. Alas, I assume he's over 18, so parents can't "make" him get counseling or take his meds. I agree that you need to show your support--especially reaasuring him that if he does happen to fail, you'll still love him. It's hard to make that transition away from home with all the pressures of school at the same time.

Could you possibly take a trip to see him and take him out for a visit--such as to a restaurant-- and give him your assurance? Also, he needs to be encouraged to get any support the school offers--such as tutors, a counselor, etc.

Could you possibly talk to a counselor yourself and see what he/she suggests?

Also, perhaps he could benefit from living nearer home. What other schools might be available? Could he bring his GPA up by taking some courses this summer at a local community college? Could the powers-that-be be petitioned to cut him some slack due to depression? Surely such a letter as he wrote would justify that diagnosis, along with consultation with an official counselor.

Is it his grades only that has him in such a state or are other things going on? I hope he will be willing to open up to you. But I assure you he will not if you do come across as judgmental and unsupportive. (I don't sense that in you from your post.)

How about his professors? Could they be prevailed upon--talked to? I was a college prof for a number of years and I certainly hope I'd be helpful to a student in his condition....
Please keep us informed and keep this dialogue going if you so desire. I have two sons in college right now myself.

[RJ78]

Yes, my parents are very supportive and that has meant the world to me when it comes to managing depression and anxiety. It seems you're also supportive - make sure to ask open-ended questions and hear him out before giving out any concrete advice. Have you ever consulted documents/websites for family members/parents of children with depression? I have sent these documents to my support system over the years and they have always appreciated learning more. This website has several resources on this topic that you may find useful.

I'm a university professor and I deal a lot with students with mental health issues. I find that many of my colleagues are quite empathetic, and that if students go through the "proper" channels (usually some form of official accommodation), they can defer their course until a later date or in the very least, withdraw without penalty. This is a serious medical condition after all.

If your son trusts you enough to share some of these innermost feelings/thoughts with you, then that is most likely a good sign.

Please keep us posted,

RJ

[RomanSunburn]

Everyone has already given you excellent advice. I went to school 8 hours away and struggled with depression and anxiety and my grades suffered. I have always found talking to the professors the most helpful. Encourage him to go to therapy, but try not to be patronizing. My parents would often try to come and visit me (luckily, my dad traveled for work to where I was fairly frequently). Be as supportive and as understanding as you can. And definitely make sure he knows that you will love him no matter what happens, that, to you, he is NOT a failure. Tell him how important he is to you.

I think talking to a therapist for yourself might be helpful. They'll have more tips for you on how to interact with your son, while also reminding you to be gentle with yourself. This is not a reflection on you as a parent, so don't beat yourself up. Also, if he knows you're getting help, he might be more inclined to see someone himself.

Good luck