[Maven]

Yesterday, I started working on a project in my drawing class that others had started the week before; I missed two classes in a row for a couple of reasons (including my car wouldn't start), so I got more behind than usual. This current project is drawing part of the building we're in, showing perspective and value. It's making me crazy. So many lines, doors, windows, bricks! Then there's chairs and things to add. I'm feeling like I just can't do it. Plus, we can't sit down to do it...we stand at easels, which is a bit challenging for me, because I'm short, so I have to lift my arms higher to reach part of the paper, and I get tired out standing because of my weight.

Then there's the assignments I missed! I can't see how I'm going to catch up!

Worst of all, I'm supposed to go to the college library to find a book with a drawing. My OCD wants nothing to do with libraries and touching used books and being surrounded by them. I don't want to spend any time in there. I didn't know this would be part of the work; it's been about 20 years since I was in college, so I've forgotten a lot. I'm dreading this assignment.

I feel like I could do better if I weren't being pressured to get this all done in such a short time. And I'd do better if I could work on it sitting down and not being bothered. I know the professor wants to help--and her advice is helpful, but I'm kind of shy and would prefer to work on it by myself and get her comments afterward.

Hi Maven, I'm sorry to hear how stressed out you are. I know you are worried about the class but your health is much more important than passing a class. I would send an email to your professor and explain exactly why you feel like you need to work on your own terms. Or another idea would be to talk to a school counselor, who in turn can contact your professor and explain your situation. I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't you tried your best and you move on to the next project. Don't stress

[Maven]

Thanks, Laura. At this point, we have like three assignments we're supposed to be working on. If I fail, I will be disappointed, but what matters most to me is that I'm able to go next semester. I'll be taking classes I really want to take (besides ones I have to take for my degree), and maybe that'll motivate me more, I don't know. The drawing class goes towards my degree, so if I fail, I have to make up that credit. But as long as they don't take my financial aid away from me for dropping and failing classes, I can try again next semester. If I don't succeed after that, then I will probably quit college and concentrate on making a career in writing (magazine articles, maybe some fiction, whatever I can write).

you can only try your best.

go for it.. give it all you've got. you can't do anything more

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Maven, I know this is a little late, but I wanted to know how things are turning out?

I was wondering if there was anyway you could maybe get a stool, like a collapsible step stool for painting on the easel. Also, would it be financially feasible to purchase a book instead of going to the library? I know art books can be fairly expensive (art history major over here), but if that would enable you to do the assignment with less anxiety from your OCD, that might be worth looking into.

I also agree you should try talking to the professor. An email might be easier than face to face, but it seems like she wants her students to succeed and would like to do what she can to help them. I know it's anxiety-inducing, but it might help you long term.

Good luck!

[Maven]

Roman, thanks for the check-in. I actually just checked my grade for the semester (just one class, Fundamentals of Drawing), and found that I got a grade of X, which means the instructor dropped me. I missed the very last class, and I can't even remember why right now. I have been having more problems with sleeping long hours and late. Christmas night, I went to bed at 11:00pm and didn't wake up until about 4:30pm the next day. I missed two classes (including that last class) near the end of the semester, and I thought I'd get a D or an F, even, but I didn't expect the instructor would drop me. So, basically, this semester was a washout. I'll try again next semester, but if I fail again, I'm dropping college altogether, and trying to get into writing and maybe doing some drawing. I'm not an artist of money-making capability yet, I don't think, but I can practice and try to get better. Still, I'm disappointed that I didn't get one lousy class completed this past semester.

Originally Posted by Maven

Roman, thanks for the check-in. I actually just checked my grade for the semester (just one class, Fundamentals of Drawing), and found that I got a grade of X, which means the instructor dropped me. I missed the very last class, and I can't even remember why right now. I have been having more problems with sleeping long hours and late. Christmas night, I went to bed at 11:00pm and didn't wake up until about 4:30pm the next day. I missed two classes (including that last class) near the end of the semester, and I thought I'd get a D or an F, even, but I didn't expect the instructor would drop me. So, basically, this semester was a washout. I'll try again next semester, but if I fail again, I'm dropping college altogether, and trying to get into writing and maybe doing some drawing. I'm not an artist of money-making capability yet, I don't think, but I can practice and try to get better. Still, I'm disappointed that I didn't get one lousy class completed this past semester.

sorry that your instructor dropped you from the course

what does this mean for you now- what are your plans?

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Maven,

I know the feeling. I've been struggling to get my BA for, oh, 7 ish years... In some ways, an X isn't the worst possible grade. I know it seems like you probably wasted money and time to get a non grade, but does it hurt your GPA? Is there any way you can talk to the professor and find out if there is any way you can finish the work for the class? The professor might have felt he/she was doing you a favor by simply dropping you... That's how I ended up with an NW and an I for last semester. Because of those grades, I was able to complete the work and get real grades instead (though, they're still pending so we'll see how I did...).

How many classes are you taking a semester? Is there any way you could get accommodations? You could also look into community colleges continuing ed courses. Those are usually no credit and more "fun" than work, but they usually offer a lot of art classes.

Hopefully the new year will bring a better semester for you!

[Maven]

Thanks, you two, but I'm just moving on. It's basically like I wasted a semester. I started with four classes, then dropped two when I realized they weren't what I'd hoped, then dropped another when I found I couldn't keep up (I'd already taken that class, English 102, many years ago, so I could drop it and just keep the grade--a C--that I'd gotten that first time), so drawing was my only class, and I got the X.

I'm trying one more semester, and then that's it. If I fail, I'm going to try writing at home, trying to earn some money. That was the purpose of college, to be able to get a good job and make more money than I can without the education. I don't even know if I could handle a job because of my OCD and panic right now, but I figured I'd try. Next semester is a couple of acting classes, Effective Speech (an online class) and Elementary Spanish I (also online). I'm not even sure anymore of wanting those classes, although I'm glad to have a couple of online classes. I'm a little nervous about one of the acting classes, Stage Makeup, because my OCD has issues with that, plus if I can't get the makeup off easily, I can get panicky. I basically just want the Acting I class.

Originally Posted by Maven

Thanks, you two, but I'm just moving on. It's basically like I wasted a semester. I started with four classes, then dropped two when I realized they weren't what I'd hoped, then dropped another when I found I couldn't keep up (I'd already taken that class, English 102, many years ago, so I could drop it and just keep the grade--a C--that I'd gotten that first time), so drawing was my only class, and I got the X.

I'm trying one more semester, and then that's it. If I fail, I'm going to try writing at home, trying to earn some money. That was the purpose of college, to be able to get a good job and make more money than I can without the education. I don't even know if I could handle a job because of my OCD and panic right now, but I figured I'd try. Next semester is a couple of acting classes, Effective Speech (an online class) and Elementary Spanish I (also online). I'm not even sure anymore of wanting those classes, although I'm glad to have a couple of online classes. I'm a little nervous about one of the acting classes, Stage Makeup, because my OCD has issues with that, plus if I can't get the makeup off easily, I can get panicky. I basically just want the Acting I class.

good luck.

what sort of thing are you doing in the acting class- by that i mean, do you have to learn a play (like shakespeare) and do that, or is it random.. and you are just given sinarios you have to act out.

i remember that's what we did at school.. when it came to acting, we were all given situations and we had to act out those situations- but i never did any myself because of my anxiety about speaking in front of people and performing in general

with the spanish, i did some of that too.. i actually really enjoyed spanish

good luck

[Jan1212]

What is your ultimate goal? Drawing, acting , writing...? College is tough, especially if your current health is getting in the way, class responsibilities will make it harder to handle. It was tough for me, it felt like I was carrying a baggage while doing .. anything - for 3 years- I was also in art school -I failed, and had to drop out. :/ it required a lot of my time (to draw those bricks, windows... lines :P). There were usually no shortcuts for me. Regardless, I don't regret anything, I learned what I can and can't handle with my health conditions.

[Maven]

Sorry I didn't get back to you guys sooner. I've been too tired to get on the computer for a few days, and didn't finish catching up when I did yesterday. Thanks to both of you for responding.

My ultimate goal is to be an actress. However, I'd love to create beautiful acrylic and digital paintings, maybe a graphic novel series or comic, something where I create art in a medium I enjoy. It would be great if I could do both, or have art as a backup career. Writing, too, would be a great backup career. I'm good at writing (although I need to brush up; I got a great book that is used for English Composition 101 at my college, because even though I didn't have to take that class again, it was required for English Composition 102, and I find it very handy, so I'm not reselling it), but I prefer working with color and that's why painting would be more fun for me.

I do worry about my ability to handle things because of my weight and being out-of-shape. Trying to change that and go to college seems to be too much (plus I have to do things for my mom and take her to places, like doctor appointments, so my time is somewhat limited). That said, if I don't lose weight and get in some sort of decent shape, I could drop dead, and then college wouldn't matter, but I really would prefer to live a long life, preferably doing work that I enjoy, and of course, having fun.

did you post some of your writing in the creative section?

it will be good for me to read it- and then i can tell you how i think you're doing with it

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Maven,

I don't think you need to give up your career goals or going to college. I still think you should look into taking a lighter course load. Or maybe your school has some physical classes? At my current school, they're big on physical education classes. You could also look around in your community for some fun physical activities to do to help you get in shape. I like ballet, so I take adult ballet classes when I can. I go to two different schools and have a wide variety of levels to pick from. A lot of the adult I dance with are either older dancers just having fun past their prime and regular adults enjoying ballet to help lose weight and stay fit. Your community might also have some local acting companies. Have you auditioned for any parts or anything? Even small parts will help you gain experience.

If you do some of those things, and are able to enjoy them, you might find it easier to go to class. You just have to make sure you leave enough time to get homework done, and stay rested. I find it easier for me to budget my time and go to classes, appointments, etc, when I have more things going on. There's a fine line, though, between just right and way too much, and that's what I have trouble finding.

I hope this next semester you enjoy your acting classes! Just remember not to beat yourself up and be to be gentle on yourself. You can do it!!