[Nomad17]

Hey everyone,

I'm 17 and a senior at a large (2,500 kids) public high school. I've struggled with depression for 6 years, and things are worse now than ever. My anxiety is at an all time high and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and delusional. I've also self harmed in the past and am only 2 weeks clean. One thing that really triggers me is school. My t works at a local specialized school and she really wants me to come there. She says that it would help me get my meds on track faster and see what works, help keep track of my thoughts, paranoia, and behavior, and I could see her everyday and not have pressure from regular school, the people there, and getting my work done. She said I'm not making any progress seeing her once a week like I do now, and only seeing my pdoc once a month, and that I'm going to keep getting dangerously worse if things continue as they are. I take AP classes and honors classes, I have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm ranked 4th in my class of 600 for academics. However, things have gotten to the point where my grades are starting to suffer, and I'm questioning if I'll even make it to graduation in May, let alone college next year. You're probably reading this post and thinking "wow. Why doesn't she just get over it and go to the specialized school?" but it's not that simple. I'm afraid of not being able to keep up with my classes from there, (because they are extremely challenging), my family's reaction (they'll have to pay and they really think this whole mental illness stuff is bull), and if it will even help. I don't even know if I want to go there or not. I feel like I'll just become more of a problem to my parents than I already am, and it will screw up my senior year, which is supposed to be the best year of my life. I'm really lost and confused, and I don't even know if this'll help. This is really weighing heavy on me right now. I guess I'm just here venting and asking for your opinions or experiences, ect.

Thank you anyone who reads this (its longer than I expected),

Nomad

[LavenderFruitNinja]

Well, I'm sorry if I can't really help since I'm just trying to get in to high school now, but I'll try. First of all. How much will your parents have to pay for the school? If it's not that much, maybe think of some sort of explanation that would fit their minds or understanding. Maybe some sort of test? I mean, like, going to the school and seeing if your grades improve, and if they improve then it's most likely a good choice? I'm not sure how it works in the Senior year, but maybe you could shadow at the school a few times to see how it is different? Who knows, maybe it's perfect and that year really will be the best in your life. I wish you luck!

- Rin

[Nomad17]

Originally Posted by LavenderFruitNinja

Well, I'm sorry if I can't really help since I'm just trying to get in to high school now, but I'll try. First of all. How much will your parents have to pay for the school? If it's not that much, maybe think of some sort of explanation that would fit their minds or understanding. Maybe some sort of test? I mean, like, going to the school and seeing if your grades improve, and if they improve then it's most likely a good choice? I'm not sure how it works in the Senior year, but maybe you could shadow at the school a few times to see how it is different? Who knows, maybe it's perfect and that year really will be the best in your life. I wish you luck!

- Rin

Thanks for the reply.

All my parents really care about is money and meds. They didn't like the idea of me going to the school last time my t wanted me to go, and things weren't half as bad as they are now, and I know they were complaining about the cost then, but I don't know how much it was. I don't think our insurance would cover any of it. They also think that medication will cure everything and everything will magically go away when I find the right meds, (I personally HATE taking meds, but they all say it's just my paranoia) but they don't see that we're drawing out the process SO MUCH by only going to my psychiatrist once a month-and sometimes even less than that. We waste so much time on meds that aren't working because it takes so long to see my psychiatrist. The specialized school has a psychiatrist on staff that I would see once a week and she could keep tabs on me the whole time and would do tests to keep track of my progress. I've talked to my t more about it this weekend, and as this school week gets closer and my anxiety gets worse and worse, I'm starting to think its a really good idea to at least try the new school. I can't handle regular school much longer and I HAVE to get this under control before college.

As for you, don't look at me and think "high school must be awful". It can be great and really fun, but only if you get yourself well and take care of yourself before you go, because it can also be very stressful. I wish you luck in the future in High School.

Nomad