Pressuring Parents

Hello my fellow friends. I just want to ask you if I should feel this way or if I'm just being selfish.

Well, I think my parents are very harsh. Whenever I get a B+(89%) in ANY one of my classes, my mom goes berserk and starts treating me like my brother(who is basically the shameful blood in our family) I have advanced classes but if I don't have a 4.00 GPA she isn't proud of me. I used to be average in school during 1-5 grades, but than I realized the only way to make my family proud was to do good in school. So I changed once I got into middle and started being a straight A student(or tried to be). But even though I changed so drastically from a C,D, and B student to an almost straight A student, I feel unappreciated for my effort. I think I should be more appreciated for what I have done and for them to stop pressuring me. Is this to much to ask?

you can only try your best, and if your parents don't like it.. well that's not really your problem.

not everyone can be straight A all the time, and none of us are perfict.

so

I personally think they are being too harsh. However, do the best you can--and if they fuss, then try to take it in stride. They have some "kooky" issue. My parents expected a great deal from my sister and me. Sometimes parents try to live through their children or maybe they are afraid you will do poorly. I'm sorry you're having to go through these unrealistic expectations. I personally know how upsetting they can be. Remember, though, that when you do the best you can, you are ultimately doing it for you and your future. Good grades will get you into a better college, etc.

I can offer you the words I gave my kids....I AM SO SORRY!! I didnt realize how badly I made you feel when you came to me with the best report card and I made you feel that it wasnt good enough. This is not meant as an excuse, but sometimes my head gets way too wrapped up with other things that I get thoughless and I dont realize that im being hurtful and insensitve. I didnt mean to hurt you but I did and Im sorry. There is nothing more important than you and how you feel.

They seemed to accept and understand that. Hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive her. Its sounds like youre doing your utmost to be a good student.

My mother always expected my "Best," because she felt I could achieve it. However, my best is different based on my health and ability to put time into the courses. There is nothing wrong with a B+ and I am sorry your mom can't see that now.

Tell your parents to stop being robots and start being parents. You don't need encouragement or pressure to do well. Ask them what they CAN do for you. As Dr Phil says, to see around corners for you. My dad told me he couldn't help me with what I wanted to do, he could only tell me how to do things his (old fashioned) way. You may as well find out the truth asap.

bluekitty, its amazing that you went from average grades to straight a but its obvious to me that you should talk to your parents and ask them to be more understanding and supportive. im sure they just want you to have a good future and they might think that being strict with you will prepare you for the 'real world' but you are suffering and they need to know how its affecting you. you will never get these years back..just do your best in school but dont forget to balance it out with things you enjoy doing.

I feel it is really important for you to talk to a counselor at your school about this, and get an outside opinion. You need to separate your thinking from your mother's thinking, which is authoritarian, cruel and unfair towards you. You and she are not the same people, and you do not have to be exactly as she says. A parent should be authoritative and make sure that kids do their best in school, not go nuts when they get a 3.8 and not a 4.0. Your mom or dad might feel like you need to be successful maybe because they truly care for your success and future...I'm just making educated guesses here. But it's not OK to put that amount of negatively stressful pressure on you.

It's amazing that you brought yourself up to having mostly A's from having C grades. This is a huge accomplishment and this alone shows how much more seriously you take school - and your parents should be happy and proud of your for it. Unfortunately, not all parents are authoritative, understanding and rewarding as they should be. Is this your fault? Not at all. I feel like, even though it'll be challenging, you need to distance yourself from your parents' expectations and be very assertive about your own accomplishments and how successful you are. I think a school counselor could even bring them in and discuss this with them, with or without you there, if you're comfortable with it.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your opinions... I tried to talk to her about not pressuring me and my other brother (who gets almost straight As as well) too much and at first I thought it didn't go so well... But now I think she is starting to understand how we feel. She tries to treat everybody the same and so whenever somebody gets an F , and my brother usually does, she punishes all of us leading me and my almost straight A brother to feel unapreciatted. My other brother with bad grades, in my opinion, should be the only one getting the punishment. I think she is afraid we will end up like my brother with bad grades.
( Having two brothers is confusing.... you know what, I'm just going to call them bro 1 and 2 from now on in posts)

My parents tried to be "fair" also. But that just meant they wouldn't give me anything I wanted if my brother didn't want it first (he was older) and there were a bunch of things I couldn't have or do just because I was a girl. So "fair" meant maybe ten percent for me. Certainly not fifty percent.

Perfectionism: A gain of one standard at the loss of all others.