[tealBumblebee]

I had to write an essay depicting the assumptions a given argument made and the possible repercussions of it that assumption was wrong. This is my "weakest" area so any feedback is great. The scale is 1-6.

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The advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company suggests that allocating a greater share of the companies budget next year would increase exposure to the public resulting in higher attendance rates, increased positive reviews and consumers.

One thing that he does not touch on, is the amount, on average, of films that Super Screen produced this year. The reports from the marketing department only suggest that their were fewer people in attendance than last year. A better way to evaluate attendance would be to convert the number in attendance as a whole into a percentage. An example would be if they produced ten movies last year and five thousand customers attended each one - resulting in 50, 0000 people in attendance. This year, however, the company could have only produced four movies. Even if six thousand people were to attend each of those movies, the total numbers for attendance (24,000) would still be less than last year although more people, on average, would have gone to view this years movies. Allocating a greater share of their budget to advertisement would prove ineffective in increasing these numbers if they only produced, say, four movies as opposed to last years twelve.

This statement also suggests that the reviews are done only by people who generally watch Super Screen Movies and read by those who watch Super Screen Movies. It infers that not enough prospective viewers are being exposed to the reviews that have been written, although there is no clear evidence that this is the case. Perhaps the people who chose to take the time to leave reviews were simply those most pleased with the movie and excited to share their enthusiasm. Perhaps there were plenty of prospective viewers to did, indeed, read the positive reviews but still remained unimpressed and thus decided not to attend. By allocating a greater share of their budget to advertisement, they can not effectively say that more people will write reviews (positive ones at that) to thier movies or even that the number of people who wouldn't ordinarily look up reviews will be inspired to do so.

Assuming that, somehow, greater advertisement would increase the awareness of the public to the reviews that have been made - how can they be sure that the problem does not lie in the quality of the movie? Generally, consumers tend to stick in their comfort zone and those who enjoy Super Screen Movie's will be more willing to attend one simply because of the name. Simply providing more advertisements does not suggest providing more appeal to the inexperienced viewer.

Along those lines, the advertising director suggests that lack of funding has resulted in poor quality advertisements. By allocating a greater share of their budget to advertising, they are simply increasing the budget for what could simply be ineffective advertising. What if, instead, they chose to use the same budget as before to create more effective advertisement? What if they chose to use those same advertisements on a different channel or provide them through alternative media outlets?

The advertising director simply does not have enough evidence to truly prove that allocating a greater amount of funds will benefit the Super Screen Movie Production in any way.

[RomanSunburn]

I've never taken the GRE's, but I like editing and eventually want to get into publishing, so I took a look. I can't really give you a grade because I have no idea what kind of rubric they're using or what they're looking for.

But... I hate to say it... I was thoroughly confused for most of your essay....

You have a lot of little mistakes that really distract from the reading (Their's instead of there's, companies instead of company's, etc).

Your first sentence doesn't really make any sense. "The advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company suggests that allocating a greater share of the companies budget next year would increase exposure to the public resulting in higher attendance rates, increased positive reviews and consumers." Allocating the greater share of the budget where? Even though he's the advertising director, you still need to be specific with what he wants to do with the money. You can allocate money anywhere; he could be suggesting that more money should go to writing, or set design, or any number of things. And.. consumers what? Increase exposure to the public resulting in...consumers?

Your second paragraph is also pretty confusing. For starters, you start out with 10 movies in your example but end with 12 movies. You talk about changing the number to a percentage, but then you don't actually use a percentage in your example. I'd also suggest writing out large numbers -- fifty thousand, etc.

Your third paragraph starts off talking about a statement. I had to read it through a couple times to realize the statement you were talking about was the first sentence of your essay. I think you should more fully explain the connection you make between the advertising director's statement and it inferring certain things. Your reader might not make the same connections.

I personally didn't find your fifth paragraph very convincing for your argument. Your reader might get caught up on using the word advertisement so frequently, especially when you pair it with ineffective and effective very close together. I think the questions make it sound like you don't know what you're talking about it. But you do know, so make it a statement and say it with confidence.

I'm sorry I don't have better news, but I think you're off to a good start. How does the GRE writing section work? Do you get a prompt and then a certain amount of time? The way I've been taught to do those types of essays (you tend to do a few of them as an English major...), is that you should brainstorm first and figure out what you want to say by writing an outline. That'll make writing the essay easier, plus help keep you on track and help you remember everything you wanted to write down.

If there's anything else I can do to help, let me know! Good luck!

[tealBumblebee]

Thanks for the advice! I will try to make my argument flow better next time.

I meant that it would increase the amount of consumers viewing the movie. I get the part about adding the percentage to enhance the example.

You get thirty minutes to reply to do an argument essay and 30 minutes to do a issue essay. So too much outlining and brainstorming is out of the question.

They are okay with (instructed to overlook) simple grammatical mistakes, but not too many if it takes away from the reading (as you suggest this did).

The original prompt for this one was (paraphrased):

Surveys show that less people were in attendance to the Super Screen Movie Production than last year. Reviews, however, are more positive than last year. This shows that there is no problem in movie qualities but that potential consumers are not being exposed to available movies. Therefore, the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company suggests that the company allocate a greater share of the companies budget to advertising next year.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Thanks for taking the time to read through the essay!

[tealBumblebee]

HEY GUESS WHAT GUYS! For this writing section, I scored in the 97% (top 3% of test takers)!! Whoo hoo! I got a 5.5 out of 6 possible points.

[RomanSunburn]

CONGRATS!!!! That's awesome!!! Way to go!

[tealBumblebee]

Thank YOU for your advice!

[Maranara]

Very cool. That's hard to do.