[hayleytheherbivore]

In November, I went to the school counsellor with my mother to report ongoing harassment from another student that had been happening since band camp in August. It's nearing the end of February and I'm still going back and reporting everything has been happening and demand action with valid evidence of what's been going on and the school has only given me excuses as to why they won't do anything and are invalidating and minimizing it because it isn't physical violence that's the issue.

Let me give some background info and some insight into what's been happening.

I'm 17 years old, a Junior in high school and a female. The student who has been harassing me is a very manipulative, incredibly immature 14 year old freshman girl. It started out in band camp when she began to latch onto me and became what I brushed away as just a clingy friend. She initially befriended me because she found out about that I had just gotten out of treatment. I would find myself frequently annoyed with her behaviors but generally tried to dismiss them to avoid drama - something she was constantly seeking and purposely starting yet claiming to be so upset by it when it happens.

During our "friendship" she was extremely possessive and ridiculous. Physically, she would cling onto me and draw attention to us by being really loud and stupid in public and trying to drag me into it. She would touch me in ways I told her not to especially in public and would tell people we were having sex and dating. I was in a committed relationship with a boy my age at the time and she invaded that as well. She would constantly express her infatuation and romantic feelings toward me, all of which I would blatantly tell her I didn't feel the same and that I wish she wouldn't keep trying to interfere with my relationship. She even began to manipulate that boyfriend by finding his number and texting him her sob stories and how I was the reason she cuts herself (then she would send me pictures of her baby scratches saying it was my fault) and while I was in the hospital she and that boyfriend went out together yet they had never met before then.

She basically just held me back from having any friendships outside of her and would get extremely jealous and start dramas if I wanted to hang out with someone of my age. That boyfriend and I had a bad breakup and even after that she was still very two faced by pursuing more-than-friendly contact with him. Gross.

Her lies were what made things worse during the time of our "friendship". Anything that had gone wrong or had happened that was bad in my life that she heard about, she had to COMPETE with it by coming up or exaggerating something in her own that was horrible and tragic yet all signs and logic around it contradicted her words and at times there was legitimate proof that what she was saying were lies. She was feeding off of my past that I was trying to get away from and mimicking the things that got me attention.

I have Trichotillomania and it impacted my life so much in the past, giving me a lot of unwanted attention. However unwanted it may have been for me, she certainly desired it. She sent me a note one day saying how she "started pulling her hair out last week" which was when I drew the line. I had already found out another huge lie just recently before then where she claimed her best friend from out of town just killed herself (long story short, it all turned out to be fake and she admitted to it) so I was already very irritable with her. So I called her out on it. You don't just develop trich out of the blue, a disorder that's been devastating for so many people. It's not CONTAGIOUS, you don't get it when you know someone who's struggle with it. And then she got defensive saying that she actually has always done it, which I called BS on again, lalala, and eventually she fessed up about lying. I told her we can't be friends with her continuing to behave so needily for my reactions and that's when she pulled yet another drama. Saying that she would kill herself if I left, and it was just so frustrating. She's already claimed to have "like 8" suicide attempts in the past but has never once been hospitalized psych or general. It's so offensive to mock someone who has had her life fall apart with these things by copying them to get attention.

So, I talked to my therapist extensively that day and came up with a long, strict, black-and-white list of rules and regulations if we were going to have any sort of a friendship. They were all boundary related which she enthusiastically obliged to.

However, time went on and she continued to push them and push herself into my life and recovery by constantly being a leech. After she brought a bunch of her other freshman friends into it and I talked to my parents who had already noticed these problems and had long since been trying to help me get out of this relationship, we went to the counselor.

We placed a no-contact order issued by the school on her, which says in a document that we cannot contact each other in any way, physically or verbally or through media, and we cannot even talk about each other to anyone else. That was the most the school ever did even as things spiraled out of control after it was put in place.

The very night after the no-contact order happened, I came home and noticed I had a new follower on one of my social media pages that had gone through and liked at least 10 of my photos. I had blocked the girl on everything a few days before the order. I clicked on the page and it was brand new but looked at her followers, all people in her grade who she hangs out with. Then I scrolled through some of the pictures (all just reposts from the internet) and found one advertising her original page asking her followers (all 19 of them) to go follow her other account. I promptly blocked her fake account once again and went to school the next day to see her sitting in my section in band, in my seat talking to the members of my section. I waited for the bell to ring so she was forced to go all the way to her own spot when her friend who is in my section passed me a note saying it was from her. I told her I didn't want it so the friend went and told that to the girl. Her friend came back and told me, "_____ wants to know if--" and I cut her off saying I was not going to discuss anything with or about her.

Went to the counselor, reported the violation so the counselor called her in where she lied and denied the note and the account. But when threatened to be searched she handed it over and said she would delete the page. After this, more and more violating incidents happened. She knows where my classes are so she would walk right next to the door and look in to stare at me, and one day I was doing errands for my teacher at the beginning of class and when I came back a girl in my class was saying that stalker-girl was looking for me, came to the doorway, saw I wasn't there, asked where I was and why I wasn't there, then told the girl in my class about the no-contact order and tried to send a message through her. I was in the band hall and my best friend in my grade came up to me and said "guess who I just heard talking about you and to who?" I was kind of confused but had an idea, so I asked who and it was stalker-girl. But the person she was talking TO was what was bad. I was sexually assaulted by this person and their friends in middle school, and they should have graduated last year but got held back as a senior. I had gotten a no-contact order against that person my freshman year which they had basically complied to. Well the girl was talking to them loudly and extensively about the no-contact order and they were discussing where I was last year (schools, rehabs, etc) and making plans together. So likewise, I went to the counselor with evidence of these witnesses, had been documenting every incident of violation with the promise that she would do what she could and would talk to the principal, but all that would ever come out of it were occasional warnings to the girl.

She and my former abuser soon came together as best friends and would stand outside of my classes and follow me when they could. I moved to a different table all the way across the cafeteria at lunch and even though they had never sat together before, both of them spontaneously relocated right behind me. There were frequent incidents of her friends asking about the situation to me, something I hadn't disclosed to any of my friends. It got really bad, to where I couldn't go virtually anywhere without some image of her or the abuser creeping on me and just pushing the boundaries of the order very much.

I documented every incident that followed, some of them clear and distinct violations of the no-contact order (in which the actual document said would result in days of in school suspension or enrollment in the alternative-school campus) and others obviously pushing boundaries and gave them to the counselor and vice-principal saying I had removed myself from the situation and she has refused to do it herself even with an order to so therefore she needs to be forcefully removed. I should have the right and dignity to have an adequate environment to learn in, and this completely preventable harassment isn't allowing me to. I was going in there constantly to report it still happening with valid evidence and highlights from the printout of the order and harassment section in the school handbook. I did this a week ago for the final time and what the principal kept telling me was it wasn't physical bullying so they weren't going to do anything about it.

What do I even do??? My parents won't vouch for me anymore because they say it's not going to have any affect and this is completely unfair that I'm being bothered this way. I HATE being minimized and invalidated and my school WILL NOT TAKE ACTION.

[Perna]

If you act like they are not there, like you don't see them and they do not bother you at all then they will get bored and go away. It is a sick kind of "fun" to them to get you all riled up so don't act all riled up; they get attention trying to get your attention.

[hayleytheherbivore]

Originally Posted by Perna

If you act like they are not there, like you don't see them and they do not bother you at all then they will get bored and go away. It is a sick kind of "fun" to them to get you all riled up so don't act all riled up; they get attention trying to get your attention.

The strange thing is, the only attention I've given them is reporting them and not even with them around. When I walk by and they're staring or whatever, I literally do not even glance at them or show any signs that I'm bothered. I'll usually just keep walking with my head held high or if I'm with a friend I'll talk to them and pretend to be engaged in that conversation.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Has your situation been brought to the attention of the principal? If not try to schedule an appointment with him/ her and your parents. If the principal refuses to meet, or has already met with you, I would bring it to the attention of at least one member of your school board (if one or more are lawyers, start by contacting them). I think once someone with a legal background hears your case, you will get some action. I would continue to ignore this person but I would shout to the authorities until you are heard. Snd if any of this happens outside the school, file a report with the police too.

Let us know what happens. We care.

[likewater]

Keep documenting and taking your complaints higher up. So if principal. Does nothing, contact the superintendent. Also, still make law enforcement aware of the situation and ask if they have any suggestions. Speaking to a lawyer for advise is excellent thinking also. A consult is usually free. You deserved to feel safe at school so you can get your education. This needs to be fixed as of yesterday's.