[detour1]

Hi so I met this new kid at my school about 4 months ago and the teacher found out about it and she is helping us both building up the friendship the correct way and ,she had the plan about maybe 4 months and she is having a meeting with all three us me ,the person I met and herself and to see how it is going to see if we can make any changes to the plan. and I have to ask hm if he would like to be friends or not

the plan now is

no lunches

only can see each other in the morning once a week

and can talk in the hall

this been going okay but I would like to have lunches back and maybe a few days in the morning but we both have to agree on it ,(she said its not all about me ,its about him too) I am quit nervous about this plan and not sure if he will want to be my friend or not. I hope he would like to be friends with me ,because I would like to be friends and possible have him over my house. he is a quite type too ,like me. I feel hopeless and nervous and scared

how can I overcome these fears

Sometimes the only way to overcome a fear is to take the risk and plunge in. You will often find that the fear is irrational and that there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. So go to lunch, talk to this person when you see them and you will see that it is all okay. Good luck!

[Walking Man]

Detour,

I feel like maybe I shouldn't say this, but I've read your posts, and if I were going through what you are I would be confused too. I'm not there, so I don't really know what is going on, but based on what you write, I can't help but have two thoughts.

I think I can understand where you are coming from with your friend. You like the guy and want a friend, but things aren't going so smoothly. That's ok. I get lonely a lot. I also have a hard time connecting with people. The big thing is that people need to be free to not to be your friend. You have to give them the option of rejecting you if you want them to accept you. They need to be free to be your friend only as much as they want. By giving them this room, you are showing them you respect them, and make them feel comfortable.

I don't know what your teacher and counselor are trying to do, so maybe you should follow their lead. Remember to respect them. Take their advice seriously. However, I just have to say the way they are trying to control how often and when you see your friend is just weird. It's ok to talk about boundaries, and for them to make suggestions. Going beyond that just seems like too much. Nobody can be a friend on someone else's schedule. Deciding how often and when you see someone is part of friendship. You guys have to work that out on your own. Sometimes you get hurt, but that's the only way it can happen. Friendship requires freedom.

Your teachers can't teach you to have a healthy friendship in an artificial way.