[rollercoaster30]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to put this but thought I would give it a go. I am 29, live in the UK and in January started a postgraduate degree. I feel that there is a real conflict in the way that mental and physical health issues are treated differently at my university which is upsetting me somewhat. I have been able to access some support but sometimes people just want to challenge me with what ifs, ie what if you did this, what if you challenged yourself. Just getting up and functioning every day is challenge enough.

I feel like it's the equivalent of someone with a broken leg being told, take off that cast, put down the crutches and just walk on it.

Anyway I have a meeting this week with the uni mental health adviser- who is very nice and my personal tutor- who i thought didn't really understand me- but actually I think not many people do, and I think she doesn't quite know how to handle me.

I am nervous about this meeting and need to try to explain and come up with some things that would help. But it is hard because I am feeling so bitter about already being treated with less respect than someone who has a physical problem and at the moment my mind is just focusing on this and wanting to rant about it because I believe they should be treated equally, however this is not the point of the meeting.

Any suggestions or words of wisdom?

Thanks

[CANDC]

If you are talking to fellow students or professors, my reaction is don't. They are not professional MH people. If you rant to your adviser you will get them thinking legal responsibility. They will go into defense and your self fulfilling prophecy may be they don't listen.
Put aside temporarily your perceptions of not being treated right by some people, identify what your goal is: to get therapy? to get a diagnosis and meds? And ask to see a mental health professional.

If the people who are challenging you and questioning your need are professional Mental Health (MH) people, maybe you should look for psychological help outside the university settings to avoid the conflict of medical help and professional development.

Rant on at Psych Central all you want. Write a cool calm and collected paper to read to your adviser. It should be a minute or less. This is trying to get you the medical attention you need, not appropriate to try to identify all the wrongs in the world.

And keep coming back here to PC. We appreciate people that feel the need to seek help.

[rollercoaster30]

The purpose of the meeting is more to discuss how they can support me more effectively.

The people challenging me are lecturers. I don't have a problem with the mental health advisor- I think she would be on my side regarding the way I have been treated- that is her role.

When you say don't talk to students or professors this is difficult for me- on the course we are doing our lecturers encourage us very much to be open about any issues we are having - despite the fact that sometimes they may be misunderstood. And why should I not seek support from fellow students?

[Perna]

I think there is a difference between mental and physical illnesses and how they are/should be treated at uni. University is more a mental task and just like the person with the broken leg may not be able to enter the marathon this week, the person with the mental illness may be handicapped when it comes to working on academic pursuits this term.

I would sit down with paper and pen and think about what you want, day-to-day with your education. If you are having trouble showing up for lectures and they seem a necessity, I would think about that and whether someone could tape them for you or if the material is available online or if maybe you could/should take more courses online? It looks like more flexibility is needed with getting to lectures or with whether they are required so much or if something else could substitute that did not require you to attend so often (certain extra reading or borrowing someone's notes, etc.). Is the lecture given to different groups at different days/times or with different lecturers? Maybe you can go to "any" meeting instead of the one you are scheduled for?

I would see too about taking a longer period of time; maybe doing a course over two periods. I know with my online Oxford certificate there were people who dropped out the previous year and then came back and dropped in to finish "this" year. Too, there were those who got behind in my tutor group and then worked really hard at hols to get back on track and graduate on time.

[rollercoaster30]

Just to clarify as I am in the UK when I say lecturers- I am referring to teachers/professors- not the actual taught lecture itself.

[Walking Man]

I've never mentioned my depression to anyone in school, apart from a counselor. However I have brought up epilepsy and a benign brain lesion. Basically this was an admission my brain isn't working right. It's also been an issue at work. Almost everyone is personally sympathetic. Academically and professionally it's a different story. Most people take it as an admission that I'm somehow incompetent. I loose their confidence.

In my experience a lot of the talk about diversity, accommodations, and non-discrimination with respect to disabilities is just talk. It may be well intentioned, but it often falls short of reality. It's especially true with conditions that are not well accepted. Others experience may be different. I have had a few professors respond positively, but I'm not sure it was always beneficial in the end. I don't get mad about it, but I tend to think that it's just too much for them to handle. Like you said, you think your tutor doesn't know how to handle you.

The problem with a lot of people in academia is that they have had it very easy and are very privileged. I don't mean they don't work hard, or that they don't have their struggles. But, in order to teach at university most of them have gotten high marks all the way through school. They've gotten scholarships, acceptance, social and professional privilege, etc. What many of them don't see is that it's not entirely due to their virtue alone. You have to be healthy and have the right opportunities. They think the only differences between them and everybody else is that they are smarter, and that they worked harder. To put it bluntly, they're snobby. I don't mean to judge them, but in many cases its true, especially with the younger professors. I feel stupid because I have a brain tumor, they feel like geniuses because they teach college. We all have our challenges.

I find that if I'm falling short in some way things usually go better if I just do my best and don't say anything. They are less likely to remember whatever it was I missed or got wrong, than they are to forget epilepsy and a brain tumor! If you have to give an excuse, I find the best thing is to give as little information as possible. "I have not been feeling well." is usually adequate. That's all they care about.

Don't worry too much. Regardless of what happens you will still be doing your work like everyone else. You have additional challenges, but that's ok. You are not alone.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think that they're trying their best to follow due course here in order to assist you, even though it may seem a bit daunting and you're not really sure what to say; because I think that they're at the point where they realise perhaps there are some areas in which they are letting you down; and they can improve.

Which is probably why they're trying to get more input from you.

I'd start by telling the person you're meeting what it not working for you so effectively ... because maybe these can be strategies that you can meet halfway on. By brainstorming what doesn't work and then have a discussion from there on what a more supportive change in the structure with this would look like.

Let us know how you go.