[bahistory4376]

I started my college career in 2005 and, uh, promptly lost my mind. That's when the diagnostic process started for me: back then, I knew that something was intrinsically wrong. And now?

I don't know why I'm doing this. My symptoms get worse when I'm stressed. Logically, I know that. They say Borderlines get better with age (much like fine wine). Technically, I'm doing what I want: I /wanted/ to major in History. I /want/ to ensure that the world doesn't forget WW2-era events, because we /don't/ need to forget what's happened. That's where my passion is. And three weeks into my first semester--my 4th college experience--I'm drowning. I want to stop. I don't want this. It's not...and you know what? My family didn't think that I should get more schooling after getting an AAS in Human Services. They thought that was enough. So, if I quit, they'll just say "I told you so", and I don't want to give them the chance...but every single alert signal is going off in my brain. I've tried telling my fiance, but he just says encouraging stuff. Keep going, you can do it. That might be true. It's true that at the end I might succeed, but right now? Right now I'm in that ocean, flailing, screaming, and nobody hears me.

Any thoughts on what I should do? because I feel screaming that I have a mental illness at everyone I know. =/

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are having so many challenges. I think you are lucky to have a bf that is encouraging you. If you have challenges to big for you to deal with you may need a therapist or psychiatrist to help get you stable plus they will validate your having a mental illness (MI).

Another validation is here on Psych Central by people understanding as I do what you are going through. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

Anxiety chat is from 8PM EST on Wednesday and Depression chat is 9PM EST on Thursday. Many people go there with other diagnoses so if you want to meet some people and find support there you are certainly welcome. And their are other chats too. When you have 5 posts you can check the schedule on the Calendar in the blue bar above. Bipolar Chat has been happening on Saturday night at 9PM EST.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Self care is important too:
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...02022582,d.cWw

[kaliope]

hi bahistory
i always knew i was ill. i went back to school late in life and it triggered everything there was to trigger. im bipolar and ptsd. my first year into my bsw degree i was escorted out of the medical clinic by the cops to the psych ward against my will. it was quite traumatic. two weeks before graduation, i was in the psych ward again for a week. im a great student, graduated with a 4.0 still. as with you, it was my passion so i stuck with it. finacially, it was so worth it. i love my job. but i wasnt welcome back for the masters program. i knew i wasnt even healthy enough for it. i only applied 1. because i didnt want to disappoint others who encouraged me 2. i wanted to see how they were going to reject me. but i knew i was too sick and i couldnt do that to myself for two more years. i went back for a different masters degree a couple years ago. after one semester, the anxiety was so bad, i questioned why i was doing that to myself. i had so much support and encouragement. but i decided i didnt need to do that to me. it wasnt worth it to to that again. so i dropped out. i have to take care of me. my mental health is more important. i cant live in that constant state of chaos, or putting myself over the edge. it just isnt worth it as much as i love learning. and i have to not care what others think. and everybody else still supported my choice as much as they supported me going to school.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome