[Nike007]

Hello. Last school year in June, I was having bad anxiety and my teacher said if I needed someone to hug, just go see her. I was like "that'll be good" since none of my friends like hugging and sometimes having a hug helps, you know?

Anyways, so the last time this happened was that we were practicing music pieces (because music is my most common panic attack trigger) and there was this one song that I knew would trigger a panic attack in me and it was always worse when we played it last. The teacher originally had that piece in the middle, and I was happy about that, but he changed it to the end and I was freaking out before that.

Once we finished it, I was in panic attack state because I knew I was going to be. My friend asked me if I was okay, but I kinda just pushed it off. She noticed that I was having trouble putting my instrument away because my hands were shaking so bad and I need to put the instrument in this protector and it was really hard to put it in.

Anyways, I went to see the teacher and she was helping me deal with my panic attack.

Now, I had the worst panic attack in my life and I was trying to find her, but when I did, she told me that she can't give me a hug anymore because it was in the school's policy and she doesn't want to lose her job over that, which makes perfect sense.

The main reason they have the policy so a parent can't sue them if they think their kid is being sexually abused or assaulted or what not, but I mean, I don't consider a hug to be sexual. I hug my friends, family. It's not sexual in the way the school interprets it. Yes, I can understand kissing, like that's a no-no, but a hug actually is suppose to release happy chemicals in the brain.

I really just wanted someone to comfort me going through a really hard panic attack because panic attacks are no fun at all if you guys have ever experienced one.

I believe it's a dumb policy, but what are your thoughts? Do you consider hugs to be sexual? Do you think it's appropriate for a teacher to help a student through the means of a hug? I mean, I consider myself responsible enough to not be sexual, and that would be extremely weird if that were the case. Just no. Maybe it's a case by case thing, but I wouldn't ban hugs from the few cases of teacher-student relationships, but who knows? Thanks for the response .

[cakeladie]

I get why the rules are there but maybe if your parents and the teacher and the school had a meeting an agreement could bp be arranged.

My daughter had a teacher that she would go to when I landed in the hospital which was a lot (I have lupus) and this teacher would hold her and let her cry when she needed it. Also when I was in the hospital and she was having a rough day they would let her sit in this one teachers class all day and do her work. (She was in high school) so I get it.

See if they can come to am agreement it's for your health and you need someone that understands you and who can comfort you.

Good luck

[Artchic528]

Do you maybe think an Emotional Support Animal might help the situation. I know that they aren't for every situation though.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Do you maybe think an Emotional Support Animal might help the situation. I know that they aren't for every situation though.

I don't know. They don't allow pets in school unless they are service animals.

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[Rose76]

Of course hugs are not always sexual. It's a shame we are living in a time where everyone has to get so paranoid about supportive gestures being misinterpreted as exploitative contact with a minor by an adult. But a lot of bad behavior by adults got us to this point.

Your teacher who wanted to be supportive of you with hugs sounds like a nice person, but I think she did go a little too far in telling you that you could always come to her for a hug. That could be read as her encouraging you to be overly dependent on her emotionally.

I am sorry you are going through the difficulty of having panic attacks. It's normal to want support. However, you are at a point in your life where you need to be developing "self-soothing" strategies. Middle or high school is not really an appropriate place to be expecting members of the staff to be involved in physically comforting you on a recurrent basis. Some psych professionals would say that runs the risk of infantilizing you.

[Graham Cat]

That's ridiculous. Just a couple years ago everyone gave the teachers hugs at the end of the day, every Friday, at my private school. I don't recall any major scandals that would cause things to change so drastically like that.

I don't think teachers hug students all that often at the public school I attend, or maybe not at all. Sad.

it is a bit over the top.

i'm sorry she got in to trouble. it's hardly an offence, she was just trying to be friendly

The rule is there for a reason, but I agree maybe a meeting with the school board is called for in this situation.

[WifeofBPD]

Having taught in the public school system and now teaching in the private sector... I'll be blunt.... Its stupid. Plain and simple. I can understand the reason the "rule" is in place...many people being allowed to teach that shouldnt and using their position of authority for nefarious purposes, but...where does it go too far?? When a struggling child can't even get a hug to calm them, there is a problem. I teach elementary school and my classroom thrives on hugs. I am a mom first, teacher second, and momma my "kids" at school all the time. I know their parents and look out for them as if they were my own. This involves hugs of joy, hugs when they are upset, the drying of tears, and a kiss on the top of the head if necessary. I will not refuse a child emotional support and luckily, where I teach, that is not a problem.

The public schools have many issues, not just scholastically. I'll stop there or I will end up on my soapbox. Lol

*hugs* honey...all will work itself out. And you might look into that support animal possibility. In that case, no different than for a blind person or someone with seizures, an assist animal is an assist animal. I would they they would be obligated to allow it. Especially if dogs are allowed for those with PTSD.

~Seanachai~

There is absolutely nothing sexual about hugs. If a child is in need of emotional support and consents to the hug, then the teacher has every right to give the child a hug and be supportive in any way they can.

It's stupid rules like this that make me shun the public school system.

[Nike007]

Thank you for all the replies.

I think that some parents decided to complain one day about it and made it banned for the rest of us. Sigh. It sucks. I wish it was still okay. I love hugs and none of my friends like hugs so I only get hugs from my mom and occasionally my dad but that's it. I crave hugs kinda. I feel much better after a hug, you know?

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[ChipperMonkey]

Its a shame that your school has gone to such extremes. Non-sexual touch is essential for human health. Its crazy that a teacher can't hug a student who is having a panic attack. What's next, nursery schools saying they can't change a toddler who has an accident or spills food all over themselves? Parents will love that!