What's a Nana suppose to do?

My 38 year old daughter is very selfish in many ways. She deliberately flunked school when she went to high school. Drugs, stealing, hanging out, running away, the gambit. Oh danced as a stripper for awhile. I used to judge but have come to the conclusion that that is the way she coped with her inabilities to do things constructively. No amount of counseling helped.

To my dilemma....she has a 15 daughter a 8 year old son. She holds me and her father...we adopted her and her sister when they were toddlers.

Anyhow, she grew up in my bipolar world.

But since her daughter was in 6th grade until now when she's a freshman in highschool.....she gives her little freedom, takes her to karate 4x a week, hands around her men friends (while keeping the kids with her). Then either fixes frozen dinners or goes out they get home about 8 or 9. Mother goes to bed. Julie (15 almost 16) takes care of her little brother and gets little or no homework done. We (mom and dad) live 5 min away from her house and she won't allow even Julie to come over to do even her homework.
Julie is now in 9th grade and just started a month or so ago. She was trying to keep up, but her mother has little or no regard for Julie getting time to herself to get her homework done...and there is a ton each night that just 10 min or so just doesn't work.

How or what can I do to help Julie to achieve her desire to succeed in school by getting her homework done. They have no computer and we've purchased a couple for them but mom won't let them use it and last year or so she stopped her internet. So now Julie does some of her computer work on mom's phone.
She's been sited by social services before...but she lies to their face and gives Julie a look that says don't you say a thing. So the last time the social worker came to me and asked me why I was scaring my granddaughter.
I say what? Julie's father left before she was born. Mom has always talked him down and the last time she told social worker that I said if Julie got in touch with her father that he would come and murder her and her son and Julie. Now I didn't say that. I pointed out to Julie that once she was of age (18) that she could if she wanted to, to get in touch with her father only because she may be curious. Julie knows what I said, her mother just wanted to keep the social worker from digging too deep into what she was and is doing.
She loves her kids but to the point that they are not prospering. They are restricted to home or to school or only where and when her mom is. She has little free time to be on her own.....or most importantly to get a good education.
She lets her son go with his father 2x a week and a full weekend every other week. Julie has to stay home with her mom, usually while mom sleeps.
Julie is not a good self starter so I am soooooo worried that mom is going to drive her into the ground of being uneducated like herself and only able to get a minimum paying job. Not a career like Julie wants.
I can't do much......but am hoping someone out there can give me any suggestions on what I can do to help my granddaughter to succeed despite her mother's disregard of her daughter's need for time to do what needs to be done to get good grades in school.
Right now Julie does sneak out to come over a few times a week, but can't stay very long...so we are a buffer of sorts for her so she can spill her regrets as to what she is going through.
I know this is long and drawn out....but it's complicated....
As grandparents we want our grandkids in our life but their mom wouldn't let them come over at all except when she needs a babysitter and a lot of the time she says Julie has to go with her brother to his dad's house just so she won't come over to us.
Baffled!!! Confused!!!! Worried!!!

Hello donna450: I'm so sorry to read of your dilemma. I wish I had some good suggestions for you. Given the control it sounds like your daughter has over your granddaughter, & your granddaughter's apparent inability to contradict her mother, I am at a loss as to what to suggest. If, somehow, Julie could be gotten in to see a school counselor (assuming there is one who would be any good) perhaps a professional such as that could begin to make some inroads into your granddaughter's situation.

From what you've written, as you say in your post, this is a complicated situation & not one that is going to be amenable to a simple fix. Realistically, the best you may be able to do is to provide what little support you have the opportunity to provide under the present circumstances. Beyond that, perhaps, if it is possible, you could be putting aside some money for Julie to get some additional education once she turns 18. If you were able to do this, & you could let her know it is happening, perhaps this could be something of a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, so that she can see there is a way forward. That, plus your ongoing love & support, may be the most that can be offered at the present time.

It might also be helpful to begin looking into schools she might be able to attend, & financial aid that may be available, depending on what her interests are. I'm not necessarily thinking about colleges even, but maybe vocational schools. Of course, if your daughter gets wind of this, she'll probably see it as meddling. But, none of it needs to involve her... or even Julie at this point, beyond letting your granddaughter know it is happening. The idea is simply to give Julie something to hang onto for the future. Given that she's almost 16, that future is not far off.

I, of course, don't know where you live & that makes a difference. But, where I live there is a strong child protection system and, if one wanted to be aggressive about it, one could report a situation such as this to Child Protection & they would investigate the situation thoroughly & take whatever actions are necessary. One possibility might be that you, or another person, might be appointed by the court as Julie's guardian. Once this process is put in place, however, you do lose control over the situation & you have no control over the outcome.

Simply trying to show Julie a way forward for the future, which is not far off, & providing whatever loving support you can for the time being, are the only things that occur to me as possible ways to support your granddaughter, other than dropping the "atomic bomb", so to speak, by contacting whatever authorities may have the authority to step in & take control.

I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you & your granddaughter will be able to find that light at the end of the tunnel.