How to manage one more semester?

It is my last year of high school, and I have already been accepted to the college of my choice with a high-tuition scholarship and no living expenses. However, I am regretting returning for the second semester. It is more than necessarily "Senioritis"- sure, I lack motivation for an amount of the work, especially since I am enrolled in four AP courses, and the load is quite a lot. But in the past year I have developed a loathing for the place. The students and teachers are quite alright, but it is the administration, and the entirety of the system itself which I so despise.

It is quite debilitating to my studies in a sense, though I sincerely doubt the current studies will offer me any good, with the exception of perhaps economics. The rest of my studies appear to me as no more than repetition of every other year- and I still yet to see any practical purpose for the vast majority of information we cram down our throats on a regular basis. But what sets me off the most, the absolute most, is this sense of obligation that this system (shared by a couple of teachers) seems to have to enforce mass obedience. The moment a student dares to question the authority before them, they are punished, even if their questioning was in the right. How exactly is a public schooling an 'intellectual environment', if students cannot even comprehend the fundamental premise of skepticism? It appears more than a method of indoctrination and propaganda, used to inflict fear into the students in order to produce members of "society". It is quite literally a machine- place the students in, remold them, and produce society! To hell with the dissidents- cast them out, or label them as merely "disabled" or "rebellious". Then they have the nerve to stake out futures on the line? On our grades? On our "obedient, compliant behavior"? Even though the grading system is an ill-fashioned method of measuring 'success'; it is no more than a reflection of one's obedience and test-taking abilities.

How are students expected to innovate and contribute greatness to this ridden world? Or is that the catch? Are they not supposed to? They create rules, simply for the sake of creating rules, not for any logical, rational purpose. In fact, the probable majority of 'rules' they impose are counter-productive. It is just one authoritarian proposition after the next, only to null the mind of individuality. It has manifested into an absolute hatred of this system, and frankly, I am not sure how I am to manage another ninety days of this, though fortunately that number seems to be subtracted by seven since we are seniors. Every morning is exhausting- to the point I feel dead, physically at least.

I cannot say it has necessarily ruined me as a person, but it has severely crippled my once-motivated mindset, and most certainly, it has trod upon my peers. Functioning outside of this system is a simple task for me, but within it, it is a living hell, day after day. Each day has only grown longer, not shorter. I apologize if it seemed more geared towards a rant, but I sincerely do wish for some advise for my last semester, since it will likely be the most difficult, due to these factors. Three of my teachers are exceptionally great, two are average, and two are exceptionally terrible.

Oh Krow, I feel your pain even though it was decades ago when I struggled to make it through the last year of high school.

Well one thing I wish I realized was the things that bothered me in HS were also there in college. What I wish I had done was build a satisfying life for myself that I could carry over into college.

I would check out clubs at the school and find something similar in your last semester.
Yoga has helped me not react to all the craziness around me.

Rather than changing or trying to change the system, I began to change my reacting to the situation. That is the only thing we can control, our reactions.

Mindfulness can train us not to react. Breathe naturally, and silently count 1 on the inhale and 1 on the exhale, 2 on the inhale and exhale, continuing up to 10. Then start at 1 again. Repeat as needed. The mind cannot do two things at once.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Friday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

For me lifestyle changes fit big in my recovery hopes.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

I hear you also.

I --even now-- get through such times by looking PAST them... BEYOND them. Too many times in my life I could look back and think, well if I had just "stuck it out" another few weeks/months it would have been better for me... so I keep that in mind.

It IS only another semester....and you'll be the better for completing it in many ways. (Controlled determination and not being a "quitter" for two.)

You can do this... work at not being bored I think, would be a good place to begin.

But that defies every philosophical belief of mine. Accepting an injustice that I know is wrong- it goes against my very being, no matter how painful it is. I would quite literally die before I adopted such a mindset. However, I do respect some of your suggestions, and I shall bear them in mind.

You're a (much) smarter-than-average person who burns with the zeal of youth. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In time you'll learn to pick your battles. You don't have to accept the injustice of your school's administration. You do have to decide what you can do to change it, and accept that you will probably only be able to change it in minor ways. And you have to get through your last semester of high school. College will challenge you more academically and give you much wider scope to exercise your social conscience.

I learned to look at the administration and society and all those other abstract nouns that are ideas rather than real things as "shells" like a universe, that I learned to live within. You know that tired old musing about how many angels can live on the head of a pin? Pretend it is true and you are an angel. You would not know you are on the head of a pin or what that even was. Take what you see as the restricting rules as a creative challenge you have to live within and see how well you can do that.

For example, I was a senior in college with a 4.0 average in my major and had to take a beginning, survey course in my major that I had skipped before. However, most of my fellow students were not majoring in that subject and were freshman and sophomores so there were very strict rules about how to write the papers, etc. I wanted to go outside those rules (you had to use the textbook and only 1 other source from another particular book for your references) since I had been churning out papers on that subject on an almost professional level. The professor refused to let me. So, instead, I concentrated on my writing and being scintillating within the rules, proving my unique thesis (the Ottoman Empire fell because of Newton's Third Law of Motion :-) using just the textbook "information". When you cannot expand outward, learn to expand inward and mine those riches; you'll need them both when you are older (I'm 65).

Hello Krow.

I can relate to what you are saying, I too can caught up with all sorts of things that only makes me more resistant to go forward. I almost gave up on my last year of uni studies because of it. This is what I was told to do, and it worked.

Write on a piece of paper, in big letters, what your immediate goal is, such as the new college you got accepted in. Put that piece of paper in front of your work space, as a reminder of why you have to do, and need to do, to get there.

Now refocus.

Your new college requires you to pass high school to a certain level. It does not care about anything that is happening in your current situation. All they care about is not losing you (giving up) in their college. They need that you can 'focus' on the task at hand. That is, do what is needed to do, to pass.

It does not matter if we cannot see the purpose of what we study. Somethings are there just to prepare our mind, to think in a certain way, so we can grasp the next/future lessons, even if those lessons do not seem related to it.

Some lessons test out patience, tolerance, ethics, etc. All these too are skills that cannot attained by reading, only by practicing them.

Refocus on procedures only. Don't worry about the results.
If we worry about outcomes, and results, we are not focused on what we are supposed to do to finish the course. As a result we will talk ourselves out of finishing.

Refocus on procedures only, and the results (reaching your goal) will take care of itself.
Whenever you get fed up, fearful, tense, about what you are doing, look at your message in front of you. Remember this post, and refocus.

I truly hope you will let go of "what is not needed to pass", and refocus on "what is needed to pass".
Remember, your new college expect their students to be able to do this, or else they won't finish.

Hope this has helped you Krow.

It's just high school. You will have much bigger issues and philosophical obstacles to overcome when you move on out into college, the workforce, etc. Sometimes in life you just have to grit your teeth and bear it while you wait to move on into that next phase in life. It's just a few more months.