[DesigningWoman]

Four days into the semester, I am already battling serious stress. I am only taking two grad classes (3 is normal). It's not just the classes. The internet went out in my apartment. Very helpful when one class is entirely online. My two roommates are awful. (Only housing I can afford as a student.)
It's not even that.

I just feel insanely disappointed in myself. For some reason I thought after early December hospitalization, new diagnosis and meds, and additional therapy, that I was better prepared. That school life wouldn't be so overwhelming and stressful. That I could handle things better.

One word answer:No

Longer answer: everything is exactly the same. I am still me, no better. I fail.

[mazing]

You haven't failed in my eyes from what you have said. It takes insane strength and courage to get back up and keep trying and that is exactly what you have done! It sounds like there is a lot of extra stress as well with the internet and roommate issues.

All I suggest is take it as slow as you need to. I definitely know the feeling that things should be better and then becoming overwhelmed. Have you been able to create a study schedule to look at what you can fit in? Is there somewhere else you can get out to and study? Is it possible to drop down to one class if needed?

It is never easy to manage school especially with mental health concerns but it is possible with the right supports and taking the time you need. I really hope that it works out.

[alicetailor]

Developing interest in studies will help you improve your academic performance as well as reduce stress.

[BloopBleep]

Wow, reading this I can relate with a lot of it..
I just started school again after a long hiatus beginning with hospitalization. I too believed things would be different this time around, but it feels just as stressful and unbearable as it used to be.

[DesigningWoman]

Originally Posted by BloopBleep

Wow, reading this I can relate with a lot of it..
I just started school again after a long hiatus beginning with hospitalization. I too believed things would be different this time around, but it feels just as stressful and unbearable as it used to be.

I can't teach at the pay level I need to survive on (pay rent, etc.) without finishing this degree. So I am marching on. Pretty much everyone in my life keeps reminding me that I don't need all A's and to do every project perfectly. I need the degree. They also remind me frequently that I need to not overwork and keep my stress level as low as possible.
My sis, who has her PhD, came up with this analogy. School is like a gas. It can expand and fill any container quickly and easily, if not contained. Basically, school stress, anxiety, and work time can and will take over your life and you, if you don't set limits on it.
When I got my first Master's degree, I let it completely take over. I worked full time and went to school full time. I got little sleep and was always frantically working. I had zero social life. I was a zombie, stumbling around. I got great grades but at a steep price to me. I made it all the way to the end of the program. I was required to do my Master's Thesis and sit for Comps in the same semester. My thesis was not progressing well. I was panicking, stressed, and miserable. The Comps were a four day grueling process of research and writing insane amounts on each question. Every idea expressed had to have solid citations. Then all comps were closely reviewed for plagiarism. When the comps were released, I sat at my laptop looking at the screen. I totally froze. I couldn't open the test to begin. I hadn't scheduled any time off work. I just couldn't do it to myself. I ended up having to talk to the Department Chair as I shook. I applied and was granted ADA accommodation for an additional semester in which to take comps.
Looking back, I got in such a bad state, because I was pushing far too hard and expecting perfection of myself. I wouldn't let even a little go and suffered for it. In the grand scheme of things, the extra semester meant nothing to my life. I got my degree four months later than I had planned. That program was the gas that filled my life.
I am trying to do better this time around. I am not always successful, but I am trying. It is tough to return to uni after time off. Be kind to and take care of yourself as you contain your school to a manageable size.