[RoseFromConcrete]

Hi, my name is Jeff and i've been struggling with anxiety and depression ever since i was little. Im 19 years old right now and about to turn 20 and am a 2nd year student in a pharmacy program. Almost every classes i have attended (dating back to high school) it seems as if every teacher looks at me like they really detest my presence in their class. Im an introvert but i do have a reasonable amount of friends and i wouldn't say im too quiet...I only speak when i feel the need to or if i really want to say something. However, ever since i started school this semester, i have been getting dirty looks from some of my professors and it really hurts me because i try to smile and be as nice and friendly as i can be. Alot of strangers (not only teachers) also look at me like that and if im around people they avoid me like the black plague. Last semester was one of my most darkest period in my life that i have ever gone through. I have my own apartment and am going to university in Boston which is away from my family down in New York. I try to be as strong as i can be and i trust God to see me through. I sometimes wonder if im an abomination or something the way that people look at me. It hurts me because i care alot about others even to the extent of wanting them to be happy at my expense (I know it probably is an idiotic way to think but thats the type of heart i have). Ive been struggling with actually getting out of my apartment and going to classes because of this fear especially last semester where it literally took a miracle for me to pass my classes. Im normally a 3.2 student but last semester i got a 2.2.....its tough for me to even believe that there is hope but i still do believe there is. If there is any advice, help, or tips that you guys can give me i will forever be grateful. I feel like my purpose in life is to help others but how can i help them if i myself am not well? Its very tough for me to be positive right now although im trying to alot more than i have last semester. Thank you for reading this and im keeping you all in my prayers as well. God bless you.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry things are so bad I can relate to this feeling of isolation, but not to the degree that you mention here. I don't mean to dismiss your feelings but is it possible that you might have a little bit of thought distortions happening here? I'm sure that all off your professors don't hate you. Maybe they just have a good RFB? Either way, isolating yourself will make you feel worse. I know that from personal experience; such is the cycle of depression. Is there anyone that you can talk to? A counselor at the college?

[ducky2030]

i think you should try to seek out help from a therapist

[Walking Man]

Jeff, your school should have a counselor you can see for free if you feel like it.

I went to school in Boston. It's one of my favorite places. If you are at the pharmacy down from the Art School in the Longwood Area, you are surrounded by awesome stuff. I know you don't feel like going out, but there's so much to do, especially for introverts. I did almost everything alone. I didn't do all of this but I wanted to...

If you like music there are all the recitals and concerts at NEC, Berkley and the other schools. There's the Symphony, Pops, Boston Baroque, Opera, Shows, and Handel and Haydn Society.

You can go downtown and have dinner in the North End (or just get coffee and Italian cookies). There's all the historical sites, and Faneuil Hall and markets. Old Ironsides. The Aquarium.

There's the Museum of Fine Arts, Institute of Contemporary Art, Isabella Stuart Gardner Museum. You could drop by Holy Trinity Orthodox Cathedral on the Fens (behind the Art Museum and across the park) for Saturday Vespers and see the icons. The "Mission Church" on Tremont at the top of the hill is cool too.

Near Harvard Square on Brattle Street and Farwell Place there's a chocolate place you can get great hot chocolate, and there used to be a tea shop in one direction, and my absolute favorite sandwich/bread shop ever in the other.

I walked all over and never spent a lot of money. You can get Dunkin' Donuts coffee across from the Union Oyster House on Hanover. I walked all over the North End.

There's a cool bookstore called Grolier, across from Harvard on Plympton, behind the Harvard Bookstore, and of course the Harvard Coop. There was another one off Boston Common on Boylson that was really cool.

I lived over by Jamaica Pond and walked by it every day. When the weather warms up the ducks and geese have babies and it's awesome watching them bobbing around on the water. Walking around on the Fens was great, even when it was freezing out. I loved the oak trees. The geese used to sit on the ice in the stream, like it was still water.

I don't mean that to be overwhelming, but just getting out and walking around you find all sorts of cool stuff, and it's nice walking around. I walked from Boston College to Jamaica Pond a couple times. One of the things I miss most about Boston was that you could always get fresh baked bread.