Could this be bullying?

Hey all . I'm in school and hanging in there.

I'm a common target of bullying. I'm very quiet and non-assertive, coupled with a past of being bullied by siblings, parents, and family members, not to mention peers. I'm basically the person people love to reject and ostracize. I was taught to be the bigger person, so I just take it in silence and focus on other things. The bullying doesn't stay long, but neither goes away. Since this is getting kind of dark, I'll make sure this has a trigger warning.

I've had a couple of issues with two teachers, but I'm worried I'm jumping to conclusions by thinking they're bullying me. I didn't think it was bullying at first, but near the end of the semester, I'm starting to change my mind.

One teacher ignores me completely. They stare at each student they talk to instead of me. They go out of their way to avoid me. Now, a lot of the students in class have probably noticed it and that will explain why none of them want to interact with me anymore.

I was just a regular student, and I don't know why I deserve this. I don't stand out as a student, and people say that I'm very quiet and trustworthy. I don't know why she's been doing this. I keep up with assignments and understand and do just as much as my peers. She is always nice when she talks to me, which makes me change my mind about her being a bully, but when I ask for help, she tries to get other people to help me, and before sweetly helping me, acts exasperated that I need her help. She often helps me last. One time I was waiting for 30 minutes, stuck on something, for her help. She ignored me for a long time helping other students. I tried asking other people beforehand, but they were all trying to ignore me. They didn't used to be like that.

I've been wondering if she's bullying in a passive-aggressive manner. She'll be nice to me so no one can say she isn't, but will ostracize me from the class and turn people against me to lower my self-esteem. When I ask her for help, she always assumes I know very little about the subject despite what I've demonstrated so far. She made a loud, angry complaint about how some students are dragging her down by needing too much help, and then came straight over to me to help me and started (politely) trying to come up with all the problems I have, which she had to rescind every time after realizing I didn't have those problems. Like I said, I'm a good student who keeps up with her work. I hate having to mention that yes, I don't need a ton of help and am not needing more than my peers. It's a tricky class that the teacher has to help everyone with to some extent.

Another teacher sent a nasty e-mail to me about how I missed some assignments and the problems or emotional problems I must have. They apologized later and kind of chuckled to themselves how they were surprised I came back to class, but they haven't bothered me since. Well, I asked for help understanding something once and they acted very annoyed, despite asking us often to ask them when we don't understand something and that there's no "dumb question," but I assumed it was at the end of the day and they were tired.

What should an adult do in this situation? Should I ignore these teachers and focus on learning? Are they not bullies and I'm being a little paranoid? Should I say something? Like I said, I'm not assertive, and one of the reasons why I avoid confrontation is because I have trouble making friends and have very little social power if things go sour, other than protections offered to students by the university.

I should note that I have an anxious mindset, especially certain months and years, and I'm in that mindset now. The idea that I'm being bullied is really making me anxious about the class. I wish I didn't have to them anymore, although I really like the subject.

I'm really sorry to hear that.
I have never had such experiences, since I am either liked or just unnoticed by teachers (I am the average quiet student), however I do understand what you mean and I get where you are coming from. I would probably be making the same assumptions in your situation, since I tend to over analyze and worry a lot.

I mean, teachers should not have favourites and least-favourites (Or at least not show it) and you are right, as a student you have every right to put your hand up and ask for help. It shows you care enough about what you're learning. Not only that, but it is their job to help you, as a teacher.

I could tell you to tell the teachers directly how you feel, but on the other hand I know it's not easy- certainly easier to say than to do. And it is quite upsetting how even your peers end up ignoring you; you can't even discuss it with them. I'm not really sure what advice I could give, except a bit of a confrontation. Maybe instead of face-to-face, write then a polite but to-the-point email. If you don't want to address them directly, them maybe contact a different teacher you would be okay with?

Don't have any other advice for now. Hope it helped at least a little bit though.

I don't know if it is bullying. Is there some kind of school counsellor that you could talk to about this?

Thanks so much. I was in a bad mood and venting when I wrote that post and am feeling better, but I still think that their actions are unprofessional for teachers. I really should avoid over-analyzing and accept that they're being unprofessional. I'm thinking that since the semester is almost over, I don't have to bring it up and worry myself with it anymore. They only taught classes that I won't have to take anymore, so that's a load off my mind. I should mention that my other teachers seem nice and carrying, and the one who sent the mean e-mail seems to have been genuinely trying to be nicer here and there, which makes me feel that I can put it behind me.

I've made an appointment to a school counselor and will bring it up. Thanks!

I'm so glad you feel better now, and it's nice to hear that you have others there that care about you. Good news that you won't have to take their lessons for much longer!
Good luck with the school counselour

What's most important are your grades. As long as your grades are what you think they should be, let it go. Be as assertive as you need to be to understand the material. Either way, save the nasty email where she says you must have emotional problems. You may want to use that later if you are unfairly graded. Otherwise, I wouldn't fight, just be confident and assertive. Let this teach you how to deal with future A hole, bullies and make you stronger.

You should talk to a counselor about this issue.

Hi there...I really don't think this is bullying...and I'm not a Dr...of course...but I sense that you have possibly some abandonment issues where you may be looking to others to fill that hole?

Maybe you are just generally really smart and don't need the help in school and that is why the teachers are really not having to focus on you?

I myself have abandonment issues and am very sensitive to those around me and I like to have the attention...I don't like it to be really obvious attention..but a subtle smile from the teacher or the feeling of understanding would make me feel at ease and I think that you are looking for something that others do not know you are looking for and for me I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality.

I don't know if you have been evaluated for mental health issues...because you posted this on the school & study board...but yea, talk to the school counselor but I would also find an outside therapist/psychiatrist to maybe explore why you are needing this "attention" from others.

My intent is not offend you...because I am searching always for attention and I can tend to be paranoid or envious of other relationships..so I am relating to you and trying to help.