Suicide vs. schoolwork

since the new year i've been having to use absolutely all my strength to stop myself from ending it. i am severely suicidal and anorexic and i cut on a regular basis multiple times a day. i have attempted to check myself in many times but have been told i do not meet criteria. i have been hospitalized twice before but that was due to suicide attempts. I have severe anxiety and this makes me so damn anxious about keeping my grades up especially with the impossible standards my parents have for me. but my depression and eating disorder has taken over me to the point i cannot bring myself to do school work. i am a freshman. i did online school to see if this would help for a semester in 7th grade and at the time that was the worst i've ever been. i was so severely alone. i have a girlfriend now she is great but as i'm female too our parents do not allow us to see each other. this girlfriend is really the only reason i go to school so she isnt worried when she sees me not at school but in 2 weeks she's transferring to online school. we will still talk and things but with no motivation to get out of bed i dont know what to do. even with my motivation i didnt leave bed or shower or eat for a week. it has only been 4 days since that episode. i have never been this bad before. the one person i actually belived woud always be there told me to just kill myself. i have sinced blocked him but it still basically hurts. i dont know what the point of this post is. i guess i just needed to get this out there. but how do i cope with school. i dont know if i can do this much longer

Hello Megan: I'm sorry you are experiencing such despair. I don't recall you mentioning if you see a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I know you said you had tried to check yourself into the hospital & have been told you don't meet the criteria. However, from what you wrote, it sounds as though you really do need to reach out in real life for help. So, if you're not seeing a mental health professional of one sort or another, perhaps the time to do so is now.

Suicidal thinking is not something to try to keep pushing down all alone. You really need to talk to someone. We here on PC can try to be as supportive as possible. But realistically there's only so much we can do. In the end, the help you need must come from the real world.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Please reach for help , there are so many resources e.g Sui Hot lines , maybe your school has a counsellor or a teacher you can trust .

Hope you get better🌹